Can't take much more! :(

[Mama Raygun]

The last 2 days have been awful!! J 's behavior is out of control!!!! He had to go to the timeout room for lunch and recess both days! Yesterday was because he got frustrated in art class bc the project was'too hard' so he threw his stuff across the room, today was some sort of mishap in music class not sure exactly what happened as he never remembers. Yesterday at home he was pretty ok until it was homework time. He was rolling around totally unable to focus, it's SO frustrating I tried the best I could eventually leaving the last bit of reading for his dad, which didn't go well dad ended up dragging him to bed kicking and screaming to scream himself to sleep. Today not much better he did a little better w the homework then it was time for karate, another disaster! He was all over the place, fidgeting, talking out,he got corrected by the teacher about ten times. After karate it was time for reading again, same thing as last night, once again dad put him to bed screaming and crying. I don't like this punishment but I'm at the end of my rope! I don't understand how the school expects us to get this amount of work done with him. Not only does he have add but he's only six, every night there is a couple worksheets to do, study his spelling words, practice his reading which includes like five or six little books he's supposed to read by himself and a word ring with about 50-60 words on it. And hes in reading support! It's just so much work for him especially after sitting in school all day! I'm starting to contemplate home school but not sure if I could handle it!! Also I would worry about him not socializing.mi spend so much time and energy reading and studying is disorder and ways to help him and every time I think things might be working it all falls apart again!

 

[zaftigmama]

Do you get the feeling that he needs help with his academics, or that it's mostly reinforcing what he's done that day? If it's reinforcing (and I *completely* agree with you, that's way too much homework for a six-year-old, let alone a six-year-old with- a disability), I'd just skip the homework and explain to the teacher why, but that's me. If he has an IEP, have homework modifications added.

Plus, consider stopping karate. I know my ADHD-type kid just doesn't function well in that kind of setting--he's better off playing/rough housing to blow off steam. Sad, because he really loves karate but he can't handle more "school" after school.

 

[Mama Raygun]

Zaftigmama
Thanks for the input, he does struggle academically he is in reading support and math tutoring. Also I contemplate taking him out of karate at least once a week! He absolutely can't function there, he's in a class w 4-6 yr olds and he acts worse than the 4 yr olds! I don't feel like the teachers are too fond of him either, the only reason I haven't pulled him outyet is that he really likes it and wants to go. I see on ur sig that you homeschool what are your thoughts on that?
thanks!

 

[InsaneCdn]

M-R...
He's SIX? with that much homework?
I don't have that much for my "going on 16" difficult child.

If this is homework they send home with every child, it isn't necessary.
If they are sending stuff home because he isn't getting it done in school... its time to switch gears - he needs help, not homework.

Not sure if this was asked before or not...
Who did the ADHD diagnosis? when? Any other dxes considered, evaluated? Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation? Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluation?

Because... ADHD infrequently stands "alone".
There is probably either "more" or "something else" going on.

 

[TeDo]

Partly, it sounds like the medication is NOT working. Maybe time to try a different one?!? OR it might not be *just* ADHD. I think it's time to formally request that you put requests IN WRITING (and sent CERTIFIED mail with RETURN RECEIPT) to the Principal and Special Education Director (yes, both) for J to "be evaluated for special education services including but not limited to thorough academic, psychological, behavioral, Occupational Therapist (OT), and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluations". You need to do it ASAP before things get any worse. With and IEP you can stipulate "no homework" or set the amount and types of homework you are willing to do at home. It also puts some protections in place for J while he's there.

As for the karate, I agree you need to pull him out FOR NOW. It's not fair to him to get into trouble there. He may like it but what's he really LEARNING there.

I REALLY think the medication issue needs to be looked at. Either it's not the right medication or it's not the right diagnosis so the medication won't work correctly. Don't let the psychiatrist try to talk you in to just upping the dosage. If it was working AT ALL, you'd see SOME improvement. It doesn't sound like there is any. In some kids, certain medications can even make things worse. TELL the psychiatrist you want to try something else because this one just isn't cutting it.

Have you found a neuropsychologist yet?

 

[buddy]

Zaftigmama
Thanks for the input, he does struggle academically he is in reading support and math tutoring. Also I contemplate taking him out of karate at least once a week! He absolutely can't function there, he's in a class w 4-6 yr olds and he acts worse than the 4 yr olds! I don't feel like the teachers are too fond of him either, the only reason I haven't pulled him outyet is that he really likes it and wants to go. I see on ur sig that you homeschool what are your thoughts on that?
thanks!

In third grade Q tried martial arts too and while he loved it it was not good for him at all. He still years later asks when he can try again and I just give evasive answers. For some kids it is a great thing, for many.... it can really not be good. But there are other activities and mine does well with track, swimming, things that are repetitive and dont require such intensive memory work and following directions etc.
For homework, I too just decided that was not a battle for our family that worked for a long time. I now do have him read for a certain amount of time...for him because that is challenging and it needs to be recorded on a chart for school it is homework. I know some people who say any type of homework is ok but they only have to do 20 minutes and then what is done is done until the next day. In his IEP there should be supported work times (and they can't take away recess or lunch.... those are important times that if they take away he may have more struggle through the day, HUGE mistake to take recess from an adhd kid especially, in my humble opinion) .

There have been a few times Q has had little projects we have done... and we make a you do a step I do a step then we high five and yeah, it is exhausting but making a game out of it was the only way we got through. If I had to do that nightly... NO WAY.

Has he had testing for auditory processing, language issues, fine motor, visual processing, etc.. and checking to see about Learning Disability (LD) (that is another one that is hard to actually quantify at that age... just not enough academics to show a gap between ability and achievement quite yet unless a super dramatic case).... but some of these other things they can start to see a little more....Worth investigating over the next year since he seems to struggle so much... and it seems like one of those cases where you need to know for sure that the learning challenges are not looking like adhd (how can you attend and not want to escape and refuse if you are not understanding things and not able to keep things in the right order or move easily the way they want or to write things etc... I am sure you have thought all this, just processing with you here.... smile)

by the way, I always smile when I see your description of difficult child-12 (really a easy child?? so funny)

I have to admit I actually kind of fell asleep in the middle of a sentence here, so I am going to go to bed but apologize if I changed topics or anything does not make sense, lol.... good, maybe I will really sleep tonight --snore

 

[DammitJanet]

Metadate isnt lasting that long into the evening. It doesnt have that long an acting life. You are getting your little boy back home unmedicated. That is one issue.

Another one is the fact that he is six and getting all that work and its boring to him. Have you attempted to get the same info across to him in a fun manner and told the school to stuff it on homework? I did just that in the early years with my boys. There is a great website for kids that age called abcmouse.com which would give him the same info and he would think he was playing instead of actually being grilled.

I actually also downloaded a bunch of little video's off of youtube that have the kindergarten and first grade words. They also have books that the kids are supposed to read that make it fun. If you have an eReader you can download those from various sites too and he might be more amenable to reading that way. Depending on your reader, some read the books out loud to him as he reads the book. If he actually has an issue with reading...I might consider getting him his on Tag system because he reads the book and follows each word with the wand to help him get the word right. Its wonderful.

 

[Wiped Out]

When my son was 6 he use to get some hw (much less than what you described) and we found it wasn't worth the battle (and it wasn't that he didn't need the help-he struggled but all the hw in the world or just a bit wouldn't have helped much at the time). He would yell, scream, kick, throw things, punch us, etc...

When we did his iep at school we explained what we went through at home at night and they agreed we should not have him do hw. We (all of us teachers included) decided to put in his iep that hw was not an expectation. He still struggles to this day and doesn't get much in the way of hw but even if he did I wouldn't fight the battle but would let natural consequences kick in.

 

[DDD]

How long has he been on that specific medication? Very often one rx. doesn't work where another accomplilshes the goal. Was it prescribed by a Pediatrician or a psychiatrist? Since he is melting down at school, after school and in the evening it sure seems like time to try Vyvance or another medication.

I also think that's too much homework for his age. In my case I simply told the school that difficult child would not be doing schoolwork at home until I found a better solution for making difficult children life more even keeled. At six academics are not as important as socialization skills and getting comfortable with yourself. Hugs DDD

 

[SearchingForRainbows]

I agree with the others concerning homework. Way too much is being expected of him, he's only six!! I love DDD's comment about socialization, being comfortable with himself is more important at his age then homework. I think a good solution is Janet's idea of making his lessons fun, having him play "games" without realizing he is actually learning something.

Thinking a bit more, I think Janet's idea would have worked with difficult child 1 but not with difficult child 2. difficult child 2 had to "win" at everything he did. If he didn't "win" at everything and receive immediate praise for a job well done, he totally "melted." His tantrums would last for hours on end. Not fun for anyone. If your difficult child is more like difficult child 2 instead of difficult child 1, I would stop all homework until he has had a more thorough evaluation and is on a more appropriate medication.

What I'm about to say next, doesn't really apply to your situation now, but might as your difficult child gets older. I think even under the best of circumstances, homework shouldn't have to be a battle for parents. Looking back (having already raised two difficult children) if I could do a "do-over," I would let natural consequences prevail and not add any of my own if homework wasn't completed. I have many more thoughts on this topic, but this is not for this thread, maybe one in the future...

Thinking of you today... SFR

 

[Mama Raygun]

Thanks for the advice everyone! J is going to have a thorough psychiatrist evaluation but it's not untill April 18th. He was evaluated by a psychologist about 10 days ago that agreed with the ADHD diagnosis and also thinks J has anxiety. The medication is from the pediatrician and that's why I set up the psychiatric appointment I'm not sold on it either. I do think it helps a little, but defdoesnt last all day. Last week I started splitting it 1/2 in am 1/2 in afternoon and it seemed to really help but only for a few days. As for karate I think I will stop it for awhile, J goes to a little Lego play group sat mornings I think that's enough for now. I never even thought of telling the school hes not able to do the homework, yah that's why I love this group! Thanks!

 

[InsaneCdn]

While you're waiting for the April appointment, see if you can get an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation... for sensory and motor skills issues. Then be able to take that report with you to the April appointment. The Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation will either clear that end of the table (no issues with sensory or motor), or will document additional issues, which can be incorporated into the big picture on the psychiatric evaluation...

Not sure if you could get detailed Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) screening at age 6 - but there might be some auditory issues going on, also. *** not HEARING but LISTENING problems *** too often people say "hearing is normal" as if that is the end of the story.

 

[Zardo]

Hugs - my issues are different and my son is older - but I hear your frustration and feel for you. Although my son's ADD did not get diagnosed untili much older, I do remember having him in Karate when he was younger and it being a very negative experience. As the other kids kept moving up, he was disappointed every week with not advancing. The instructor kept saying that he lacked focus, I felt he was doing the best he could at that time and overall, felt the karate became too negative, so we stopped.

I would communicate with the school about the homework and tell them what is happenning at home. I am sure they have seen this before and have some ideas. They really can only modify things if he has an IEP, so if you don;t have one, you may was to put in a formal request, in writing, to pursue testing. Good luck. An educational consultant can be very helpful.

 

[lovelyboy]

Sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time!
I fully agree with previous posts!!!! Pleas make sure about the medications.....our psychiatrist was increasing our sons medications....at the end he was unbearably irritated, aggitated....all over the show.....we decreased it....got much better! Also had to try few different ones......
Please see if you could get an Occupational Therapist (OT) assessment....your son could be sensory seeking....or even in some aspects sensorry avoiding...he might even be using the movement and banging into things to try and self regulate....the Occupational Therapist (OT) can make some suggestions, for example to get a hammock for him to rock in before more homework...my son sometimes even sit in his hammock while reading his homework or lie on his tummy for some deep pressure while doing writing activities.....also rolling him up in blankets with deep pressure or a warm bath to calm himself down before bedtime.....
If you cant get Occupational Therapist (OT) assessment try and read up on sensory integration and maybe step back and see what you can do to try and keep his engine in the green and anticipate activities that might push him over the edge.....always try and balance activities that drives him with calming ones...even having a snack...for some kids icy stuff helps to calm them, others prefer crisps or bubblegum.
Regarding the karate...my son did well and enjoyed it, but it pushed his engine into the red...we later diagnosed auditory prosessing problems, so it was very exausting for him to understand the verbal instructions!

Kind regards...hang in there.....please try and get some professional support, not just for your son, but a nice Occupational Therapist (OT) or ST or some one who will give you guidlines to help understand your difficult child....this helped us alot!

 

[DammitJanet]

Neither one of my younger two boys had IEP's in their early grades but I marched my butt down to the school and told them that I simply wasnt going to fight the homework wars anymore. I worked, they played sports every night, and we had mental health appts. I refused to put more drama into our lives. I would ask them if they had homework but I wasnt going to do battle. If they did it without a war, fine and dandy. If they said no or just refused...it went back undone. I told the school that they could not punish the kids because of a decision I had made and they decided to let me ride on this one because the kids were doing okay in school.