Can't take one more minute

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tired Cheryl, Sep 22, 2007.

  1. tired Cheryl

    tired Cheryl New Member

    Warning: here comes another person venting

    Picked up difficult child and easy child from in-law's house after I got off work, pulled out of the driveway and the screaming started. Tried distractions but it continued. Flew into a rage when I decided to check mail before pulling into our driveway. Refused to get out of car. had to carry him kicking and screaming into the house. Yes, all of the neighbors avoid us.

    Ranting and yelling continued, threw shoes at me. I could not get him to calm down. realizing that this was going to be an exact replay of last evening (he was up until 11pm trying to control me) I decided that I did not have the energy to deal with it any longer. husband works nights and I just could not fight physically and mentally with difficult child one more evening.

    Phoned mother in law to tell her I was driving him the Children's Hospital so that his neurologist or psychologist could admit him or something ( I wanted her to watch easy child while I did this.) She told me that I was overreacting. So, I brought him to her house instead.

    I wish that I could run away! or that this was all a bad dream and I would wake up. :cry: Perhaps I have a lower tolerance to all of the insanity because my Mother had some sort of undiagnosed psychosis that tortured me throughout my childhood? She chose to medicate with marijuana and other drugs which only made the situation worse.

    Will discuss with husband tomorrow and phone neuro and psychologists on Monday. I can't take much more.

  2. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I would hope that mother in law would have gotten to see the little angel in action but I'm guessing that he calmed down by the time you got there? If by chance he didn't, what did mother in law say?

    Don't know what else to say other than been there done that. I've reached what I thought was the end of my rope so many times and somehow made it another day. Sending hugs.
  3. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hon, working all day and then getting a screaming child is more than most of us can take on a daily basis. You may be stretched thin but it sounds like with very good reason. You're not talking about a child having a 5-minute temper tantrum. You're talking about a 3-year-old totally out of control for hours at a time.

    I refused to drive when my daughter was screaming. I didn't care where I was or what I was doing, I would pull over as soon as humanly possible. I felt it was safer to stop and let her scream than try to drive with that distraction. If you have to do this, I would suggest you have some special activities in the car for your 5 year old so that she doesn't entirely suffer.

    When I first got my daughter, I had to make a "safe room" for her. I kept her toys, etc. in one room but her bedroom had nothing breakable in it. I even had a special film put on the windows so that if she broke them, the glass wouldn't go flying. I did leave some nerf balls for her to throw as she liked and let her trantrum away. Her record was 7 hours of non-stop screaming, yelling, throwing things. That was also the last major temper tantrum she had once she discovered I really wasn't going to respond. The second the screaming, etc. stopped, I was in her room hugging her and letting her know that she was loved but her behavior was not liked. If possible, try to find a spot where he can scream his little head off and be safe while you do something with your daughter.

    I wish you the best. You do have a right to be tired, frustrated and, no, I don't think you are over-reacting. Screaming nonstop and trying to control the household are not the norm for toddlers.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hey, take a deep breath. Slowly. Let it out. It doesn't help with difficult child behavior, but it can help keep our bloodpressure from skyrocketing.

    I think you very much need to get some more help from the psychiatrist and the neurologist. If he has seizures they can be the cause of the behavior. And he really can't prevent or change it.

    SaraPA is a really great resource for info on these seizures. She has done so much research on complex partial seizures and really understands much of the more technical literature. So you might try to catch her and PM her. She often has info that even the docs are not up to date on.

    I think that it will be a long road if you expect mother in law to validate any of your feelings. If things go the way most of us have experienced at some time or other (or all the time), the person will tell you that the behavior is "normal", "all kids throw tantrums, you just need to x,y,z and it will be fixed" or "It is your behavior making him do/say/think/see/ scream these things."

    The person telling you that this is normal, that it is your fault, etc.... Is WRONG.

    Your instincts told you there was a problem. That is how you found the complex partial seizures. your instincts are telling you he needs help NOW. Next time try to take easy child with you,hard though that is. Or, if possibly, ask a sympathetic person in your church, school, wherever, (someone who is not related is often easier to get help from) to be able to have you drop easy child off and go tot he hospital.

    A Children's hospital is a great place to get help. I am glad you have one you can reach.

    Hugs and understanding,

  5. tired Cheryl

    tired Cheryl New Member

    MeowBunny: How did you keep your daughter in her room?

    Yes, of course he calmed down at mother in law. I don't care and don't care what they did with him. I am assuming that she will not make it seem like a "sleepover" but really don't care. I need to be away from him tonight.

    Both mother in law and husband say often, "He never does that with me." (He does in milder forms she just doesn't recognize it) I could just scream! Ok, great you take him then! husband just ignores him and it is true that difficult child does not physically attack him. But he does attack me and teachers both verbally and physically.

    As far as the epilepsy connection goes, his first seizure 1 1/4 years ago, that we noticed was a doozy-45 minutes (including time at ER) of unresponsiveness that led to repsiratory problems and four day ICU stay. He seizures are pretty easy to recognize but of course neither we nor his neuro docs are ruling out that some of this behavior is not seizures. That is why he had a 24 hr VEEG. Like I posted previously no seizure activity noted during two meltdowns there though there was some spiking during quieter times-from left frontal lobe.

    Maybe it is because I am a medical professional myself, but right now I want to trust the neuorologist, epileptologist, psychiatrists and go with the medications and dosages that they have prescribed. I have spoken to them extensively and I must give their treatment plan a chance to work. They have years of clinical experience to rely on and sometimes that is more important than studies. I really resent when clients come to me for help, ask my professional opinion then shoot down my recommendations before giving them a chance to work. They recommended Risperdal (in conjunction with theTrileptal) in June
    but I had to take time to research it myself and ask several (four) more doctors their opionions. So, at least for now, I am going to stick with their plan.

    That being said, I will phone with updates on Monday, and keep an open mind to all advice. I do appreciate Sara's concerns as she has years of experience. I am fortunate that all of his docs are at the Childrens hospital and are working together as a team.

    A big part of my not being able to cope is that I have recently had my own health problems which are not resolved. If I do not get some relief from difficult child things will only get worse health wise. Also starting my own practice which is due to open next month :highvoltage:

    Thanks for the support!
  6. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    At first, I sat on the other side of the door with earplugs in, Walkman playing, a book in my hands and a rope attached to the doorknob so that she couldn't pull it open. You might check with psychiatrist and see if they would approve you locking him in his room during rages only but be very sure the room is very safe (no lamps he can break, etc.). Her therapist suggested locking her in when I walked in in tears one day. If you can get this in writing from them, you'd be protected from CPS.

    Make it very clear to your son that this will only happen when he can't control himself and it is to protect him from getting hurt. It is NOT a punishment and it is up to him when he gets out. So, the second a rage stops, the door is opened. If he starts raging again, he goes back in his room until he can once again control himself.

    Honestly, be grateful your mother in law took your munchkins for the night and go take a hot bath and relax. You deserve it!
  7. tired Cheryl

    tired Cheryl New Member

    Thanks for the advice on the door locking issue. I had been thinking along those lines but was not sure if locking him in is a good idea since locking him out (when I try to lock him out of my room for a minut'e peace) just enrages him. I'll discuss with psychiatrist and get it in writing.

    Yes, I am fortunate that mother in law took difficult child (I kept easy child) this evening and actually I do not resent her not understanding as much as I may have implied. This is such a complex topic! and we are all just doing our best at dealing with it.