2much2recover
Well-Known Member
As a legal guardian for my sister I saw this from the "system" as well, as did her Guardianship Judge: Social Services and the Mental health systems are the "inmates running the asylum" The system is broken!
can't trust anyone!
- Thread starter Tarahas3
- Start date
As a legal guardian for my sister I saw this from the "system" as well, as did her Guardianship Judge: Social Services and the Mental health systems are the "inmates running the asylum" The system is broken!
Tarahas3
wife and Momma
I was a volunteer Guardian ad Litem for 2 years in my state so I know all about social services! I fought hard for my kids (my cases). Everytime I'd call the case worker I could almost feel the "eye rolls" lol but this little lifes that didn't ask for any of the crap these parents were putting them through! The case workers are so overwhelmed and overloaded that they just do the quickest thing to get it "neatly" put the file away. The thing is these are children! Not "files" !
If I were you, I get me an attorney and I'd fight for custody and I'd keep custody until I felt she was ready to be a parent. I'm so sorry you're going through this with a child involved. Hope this helps!
If I were you, I get me an attorney and I'd fight for custody and I'd keep custody until I felt she was ready to be a parent. I'm so sorry you're going through this with a child involved. Hope this helps!
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Guest
Yes I agree with your statements!
They want to get rid of the cases as quickly as possible!!
To ME it's not JD , job done , until it actually IS job done otherwise they are just setting up people to FAIL with a CHILD in the middle of the 'experiment' to 'see' if Mother is capable of having him yet..
I don't know if I am coming or going with SS sometimes and sometimes I think neither do THEY - How the hell can I know what to do if THEY don't know what to do! All I can do is give them the CURRENT INFORMATION for them to work with but I often feel like I am more cautious than THEM when it comes to child protection as I don't even want my GS to be AROUND my difficult child if she is drinking but they say it is ok as LONG AS I AM THERE but is it REALLY good for my GS to WITNESS HIS MOTHER DRUNK??? ......NO so I have told them I WILL BE BRINGING HIM HERE to my house if she drinks again , same with the cannabis smoking which I do not agree with either and I do NOT want my GS getting in her car if she has had a spliff and it is ILLEGAL for a REASON - I WILL NOT stand by and watch my GS in danger but have a feeling if I ring SS they won't even take it seriously!
I would love to go for custody if there is no change or progress , even so the first year of recovery is tentative! :-/
Will be there and watch my GS and my difficult child's every move if I have to
SS can't be there all the time but I can as much as humanly possible , saying that that is what caused me to suffer from exhaustion in the first place so it is a difficult situation for MY HEALTH!
If I can seperate the 2 it's fine , if I am IMMERSED in my daughter's stuff because my GS is then my health can become affected but will still have to do all I can to protect my GS
I cannot BELIEVE SS said NO to me regarding having him!!!
I still can't believe it and sometimes ( like the comment above says ) I LOOK at the social workers and think to myself ''ACTUALLY I AM MORE HEALTHY AND STABLE THAN YOU ARE''!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yet they have the cheek to tell me what to do and what I am capable or rather not capable of when I know 110% I am more capable than they would ever know! lol
They want to get rid of the cases as quickly as possible!!
To ME it's not JD , job done , until it actually IS job done otherwise they are just setting up people to FAIL with a CHILD in the middle of the 'experiment' to 'see' if Mother is capable of having him yet..
I don't know if I am coming or going with SS sometimes and sometimes I think neither do THEY - How the hell can I know what to do if THEY don't know what to do! All I can do is give them the CURRENT INFORMATION for them to work with but I often feel like I am more cautious than THEM when it comes to child protection as I don't even want my GS to be AROUND my difficult child if she is drinking but they say it is ok as LONG AS I AM THERE but is it REALLY good for my GS to WITNESS HIS MOTHER DRUNK??? ......NO so I have told them I WILL BE BRINGING HIM HERE to my house if she drinks again , same with the cannabis smoking which I do not agree with either and I do NOT want my GS getting in her car if she has had a spliff and it is ILLEGAL for a REASON - I WILL NOT stand by and watch my GS in danger but have a feeling if I ring SS they won't even take it seriously!
I would love to go for custody if there is no change or progress , even so the first year of recovery is tentative! :-/
Will be there and watch my GS and my difficult child's every move if I have to
SS can't be there all the time but I can as much as humanly possible , saying that that is what caused me to suffer from exhaustion in the first place so it is a difficult situation for MY HEALTH!
If I can seperate the 2 it's fine , if I am IMMERSED in my daughter's stuff because my GS is then my health can become affected but will still have to do all I can to protect my GS
I cannot BELIEVE SS said NO to me regarding having him!!!
I still can't believe it and sometimes ( like the comment above says ) I LOOK at the social workers and think to myself ''ACTUALLY I AM MORE HEALTHY AND STABLE THAN YOU ARE''!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yet they have the cheek to tell me what to do and what I am capable or rather not capable of when I know 110% I am more capable than they would ever know! lol
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Guest
STILL hoping that working with them somehow will work in my favour
I may be delusional but am hoping THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT IN THE END , it is STARING THEM IN THE FACE ALREADY , just looking for them to ACKNOWLEDGE IT one day soon , for my GS's sake!
I may be delusional but am hoping THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT IN THE END , it is STARING THEM IN THE FACE ALREADY , just looking for them to ACKNOWLEDGE IT one day soon , for my GS's sake!
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I have a feeling that when all other placements break down I will be their last resort / port of call to ''use''
When I SHOULD have been their FIRST resort!
And what happens to my GS's mental and emotional health in the meantime?
What sort of state is he going to end up at mine in bless him and with patience and love and time will have to care him into healing x
When I SHOULD have been their FIRST resort!
And what happens to my GS's mental and emotional health in the meantime?
What sort of state is he going to end up at mine in bless him and with patience and love and time will have to care him into healing x
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BusynMember
Well-Known Member
This is tragic.
I forgot you were in the UK, but it's not better in the US either. The social workers we had, and they had a high "quit" rate, tended to be little more than kids who never raised a child and did not know much about life. It was appalling.
Also, I adopted a now young man who had autism and I am again appalled that the SS is not taking his special issues into consideration. My son would have been a mess if he'd been dragged all over the place...he needed, and still prefers, predictability, stability, and the knowledge that he knows what will happen each day. I am angry for you that this poor little boy is being sacrificed for the mother...not that your daughter is horrible...but she isn't equipped to be anyone's mother right now...and you are. It is heartbreaking.
Kids can be resilient though. You are the stability he needs. He knows he can count on you. He will learn more and better ways to cope as he gets older. My son is doing so much better. Autism, unlike some other disorders, often improves as the person gets older. I am in awe, after knowing the whole story, of the love you hold in your heart for both of your loved ones, but your commitment to your grandson is nothing short of inspiring.
I guess going to a lawyer may not be helpful in the UK. We have these little differences country to country. You are doing so much for this little guy and he won't forget it. Ever.
I forgot you were in the UK, but it's not better in the US either. The social workers we had, and they had a high "quit" rate, tended to be little more than kids who never raised a child and did not know much about life. It was appalling.
Also, I adopted a now young man who had autism and I am again appalled that the SS is not taking his special issues into consideration. My son would have been a mess if he'd been dragged all over the place...he needed, and still prefers, predictability, stability, and the knowledge that he knows what will happen each day. I am angry for you that this poor little boy is being sacrificed for the mother...not that your daughter is horrible...but she isn't equipped to be anyone's mother right now...and you are. It is heartbreaking.
Kids can be resilient though. You are the stability he needs. He knows he can count on you. He will learn more and better ways to cope as he gets older. My son is doing so much better. Autism, unlike some other disorders, often improves as the person gets older. I am in awe, after knowing the whole story, of the love you hold in your heart for both of your loved ones, but your commitment to your grandson is nothing short of inspiring.
I guess going to a lawyer may not be helpful in the UK. We have these little differences country to country. You are doing so much for this little guy and he won't forget it. Ever.
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''he needed, and still prefers, predictability, stability, and the knowledge that he knows what will happen each day''
This is what disturbs me , a chaotic lifestyle or lots of changes are not good for him
I cannot even begin to describe how stressful this has been for me but have to deal with it and cope with it best I can , can't say it's not HARD , has been the shitti8est year EVER for me in my whole entire life and I do NOT want it to continue longer than is neccessary but there is no ''quick fix''
Saying that if SS had already placed him with me with a proviosion that my difficult child CAN'T remove him until she is clean for X amount of months , well who knows , she would probably break the order to ''have him home for Christmas'' which I UNDERSTAND but there has to be support services in place for HIM ie who is going to ENSURE his safety and stability???
This is what disturbs me , a chaotic lifestyle or lots of changes are not good for him
I cannot even begin to describe how stressful this has been for me but have to deal with it and cope with it best I can , can't say it's not HARD , has been the shitti8est year EVER for me in my whole entire life and I do NOT want it to continue longer than is neccessary but there is no ''quick fix''
Saying that if SS had already placed him with me with a proviosion that my difficult child CAN'T remove him until she is clean for X amount of months , well who knows , she would probably break the order to ''have him home for Christmas'' which I UNDERSTAND but there has to be support services in place for HIM ie who is going to ENSURE his safety and stability???
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Just had a chat with my difficult child
She agreed to me staying over for a month if / when my GS is returned and I also told her that over Christmas etc if she wants to go and party or even chill with her friends that I would RATHER stay at hers with my GS than expose him to the chaos of the partying enviroment even if it is just a Christmas get together as to be honest some of her friends children are OUT OF HAND and there is always NOISE , fighting , disruption etc and my GS is not good with that stuff :-(
I'd rather him stay at home and then we take him to a nice farm the next day and him play with the animals etc as he LOVES animals and needs calm and comforting things around him and A PEACEFUL ENVIROMENT especially after what he has been through...
I did mention the cannabis consumption and my concerns about that and she said she won't smoke it around her son or get in the car with him after smoking it but that she will stop , one thing at a time and is doing well with the alcohol sobriety , but the cannabis is still a concern for me and an area of friction between us as was going to let SS know about it as it is a concern anyway
She seemed to understand what I was saying about the peaceful , calm homeley enviroment but I don't think she wants to make certain lifestyle changes ie to avoid certain friends and family members for a while at least until things settle down or meet up with them while the kids are at school so it doesn't end up a mad evening visit! lol
I can't do it for her anyway and I did detach from her a while back to concentrate on myself but she said she felt abandoned .... I did explain I needed time to work on myself as this HAS NOT BEEN EASY FOR ME EITHER so not sure if she understands that as she says things will ''never be the same'' between us as I sold her out to SS , but still WOULD , so no change there really and I HOPE one day she sees WHY but she does not at present and says she will NEVER understand why I reported her to the police and SS for drink driving - I told her it would have been better for HER to be honest with them as she was lying to them and I was telling them the truth but she says it is MY fault they don't trust her!!!
If she had been honest with them when she WAS drinking they would be more likely to believe her when she now says she is NOT drinking as she is worried now they won't believe her as she has lied to them in the past but apparently my fault for them not trusting her because I WAS honest with them..
All ''not quite'' on the same page yet unfortunately , as I want us to work TOGETHER to keep my GS safe from ANY harm at ALL times but it is definitely a work in progress and a tentative one at that
I have to risk a huge rift between my difficult child and I if / when I continue to be honest with SS about her but when she is doing WELL in everything INCLUDING the cannabis smoking then we will all be on the same page with no rift neccessary , but she will probably still have a go at me for a while after till she is well indeed I suppose!!
She agreed to me staying over for a month if / when my GS is returned and I also told her that over Christmas etc if she wants to go and party or even chill with her friends that I would RATHER stay at hers with my GS than expose him to the chaos of the partying enviroment even if it is just a Christmas get together as to be honest some of her friends children are OUT OF HAND and there is always NOISE , fighting , disruption etc and my GS is not good with that stuff :-(
I'd rather him stay at home and then we take him to a nice farm the next day and him play with the animals etc as he LOVES animals and needs calm and comforting things around him and A PEACEFUL ENVIROMENT especially after what he has been through...
I did mention the cannabis consumption and my concerns about that and she said she won't smoke it around her son or get in the car with him after smoking it but that she will stop , one thing at a time and is doing well with the alcohol sobriety , but the cannabis is still a concern for me and an area of friction between us as was going to let SS know about it as it is a concern anyway
She seemed to understand what I was saying about the peaceful , calm homeley enviroment but I don't think she wants to make certain lifestyle changes ie to avoid certain friends and family members for a while at least until things settle down or meet up with them while the kids are at school so it doesn't end up a mad evening visit! lol
I can't do it for her anyway and I did detach from her a while back to concentrate on myself but she said she felt abandoned .... I did explain I needed time to work on myself as this HAS NOT BEEN EASY FOR ME EITHER so not sure if she understands that as she says things will ''never be the same'' between us as I sold her out to SS , but still WOULD , so no change there really and I HOPE one day she sees WHY but she does not at present and says she will NEVER understand why I reported her to the police and SS for drink driving - I told her it would have been better for HER to be honest with them as she was lying to them and I was telling them the truth but she says it is MY fault they don't trust her!!!
If she had been honest with them when she WAS drinking they would be more likely to believe her when she now says she is NOT drinking as she is worried now they won't believe her as she has lied to them in the past but apparently my fault for them not trusting her because I WAS honest with them..
All ''not quite'' on the same page yet unfortunately , as I want us to work TOGETHER to keep my GS safe from ANY harm at ALL times but it is definitely a work in progress and a tentative one at that
I have to risk a huge rift between my difficult child and I if / when I continue to be honest with SS about her but when she is doing WELL in everything INCLUDING the cannabis smoking then we will all be on the same page with no rift neccessary , but she will probably still have a go at me for a while after till she is well indeed I suppose!!
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Guest
Sorry I just realised I am hoodwinking Taraha's thread!
We can continue this on my thread if you wish please ; http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/feeling-disheartened-re-daughter.59112
We can continue this on my thread if you wish please ; http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/feeling-disheartened-re-daughter.59112
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Guest
Well as it is about trust I don't trust my difficult child she doesn't trust me I don't trust social services my difficult child doesn't trust social services social services don't trust my difficult child the only hope I have is that social services start trusting ME! lol
Oh and I don't trust most of my difficult child's friends and some family members too!!
Only a few people I DO trust then ;-) xx
Oh and I don't trust most of my difficult child's friends and some family members too!!
Only a few people I DO trust then ;-) xx
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Ever felt like ''piggy in the middle''?
It has been like this all along for me!
It has been like this all along for me!
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Fighting for little man and will continue to do so as he is the real INNOCENT one in the middle of all this so HE is the real poor piggy in the middle in all this!!! 
Tarahas3
wife and Momma
The poor children are always the ones that suffer.. its not fair! The bible speaks against harming little ones strongly!
Mark 9:42
And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a milestone were hanged about his neck and he were cast into the sea.
Mark 9:42
And whosoever shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me, it is better for him that a milestone were hanged about his neck and he were cast into the sea.
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The thing is the 'system' which is MEANT to protect them actually HARMS them , so they get HARMED in the process in a 'system which is meant to protect'! 
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Guest
Thing is standing by and watching my GS being harmed by BOTH parties is becoming unbearable now , feel so helpless as AM helpless as the authorities have all the power and REVEL in it
I am TRYING to work WITH THEM SO MUCH but I seem to get ignored , till when I am needed in a CRISIS situation THEY can't stay overnight at my difficult child's house , move in , supervise her , watch her etc my GS's DAD is USELESS , no one else steps in and gives overnight care to my GS so other family members 'pop in and help' but LEAVE so I am suitable for overseeing him in a CRISIS situation but NOT BEFORE?????????
And even THEN they expect me not to fail , not to get exhausted , not to have a real break and one little crack in the brickwork under the strain and its shown as 'not being capable'
I often think they are looking for someone PERFECT when they are not even perfect THEMSELVES , let them move in and deal what I have during this past year , with 3 bereavements on top of it and see how THEY would ruddy well cope! .... I would never want to be a social worker but THEY CAN GO HOME AFTERWARDS ........THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!
And I hate it - I don't hate MY life I hate my difficult child's life and the IMPACT it has had on the rest of us PARTICULARLY myself and my little GS , he has ENOUGH struggles with his special needs bless him , with frustration , not understanding what is happening , bl**dy recipe for INSECURITY , but I hope it will be all over soon and that things will IMPROVE not worsen as HIS LIFE has to go forward now and IMPROVE he has been through enough , we have all been through enough but it is AT ONE PERSONS HANDS who has the cheek to blame me for everything , yes , don't look at your OWN LIFE and take responsibility for your choices your actions your behaviour , blame it all on MUM only because she DARED to tell the truth to social services which was the ACTUAL TRUTH , wasn't making it up , own up , come clean , change things , take ownership and responsibility for your actions but then make the neccessary changes to improve your life and get back on an even better track than before ie a HEALED one!!! xx
I am TRYING to work WITH THEM SO MUCH but I seem to get ignored , till when I am needed in a CRISIS situation THEY can't stay overnight at my difficult child's house , move in , supervise her , watch her etc my GS's DAD is USELESS , no one else steps in and gives overnight care to my GS so other family members 'pop in and help' but LEAVE so I am suitable for overseeing him in a CRISIS situation but NOT BEFORE?????????
And even THEN they expect me not to fail , not to get exhausted , not to have a real break and one little crack in the brickwork under the strain and its shown as 'not being capable'
I often think they are looking for someone PERFECT when they are not even perfect THEMSELVES , let them move in and deal what I have during this past year , with 3 bereavements on top of it and see how THEY would ruddy well cope! .... I would never want to be a social worker but THEY CAN GO HOME AFTERWARDS ........THIS IS MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!
And I hate it - I don't hate MY life I hate my difficult child's life and the IMPACT it has had on the rest of us PARTICULARLY myself and my little GS , he has ENOUGH struggles with his special needs bless him , with frustration , not understanding what is happening , bl**dy recipe for INSECURITY , but I hope it will be all over soon and that things will IMPROVE not worsen as HIS LIFE has to go forward now and IMPROVE he has been through enough , we have all been through enough but it is AT ONE PERSONS HANDS who has the cheek to blame me for everything , yes , don't look at your OWN LIFE and take responsibility for your choices your actions your behaviour , blame it all on MUM only because she DARED to tell the truth to social services which was the ACTUAL TRUTH , wasn't making it up , own up , come clean , change things , take ownership and responsibility for your actions but then make the neccessary changes to improve your life and get back on an even better track than before ie a HEALED one!!! xx
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The ''helplessness'' is getting to me
I have NEVER felt SO HELPLESS in my whole life AND my self esteem is suffering as I used to be a sociable person but have locked myself away and have not been out for about 10 months due to being immersed in this world of worry , alcoholism , spliffs now , separation from GS , SS 'interaction' , more worry , concern , uncertaintly about the future etc plus it is a PRIVATE world the devastating world of alcoholism and self harm etc you don't exactly announce it on Facebook and social gatherings don't want to know about your alcoholic difficult child and that world you are living in and part of which no one else is who has just gone out for a simple chat and drink or meal or social event etc so I can't even share with people the DEPTH of emotions I am feeling right now so makes me not want to MIX with them or interact with them but then I am ISOLATED and it makes my self esteem WORSE coz then I am scared to mix and socialise and it is hard to trust myself not to 'blurt' but nothing wrong with saying I have been having a few family problems etc but I need to get out there more again too as living in isolation makes my self esteem WORSE
Prolonged stress , bereavement , loss or separation , worry , concern , grief , sadness etc has a PROFOUND affect on someones self esteem along with the feelings of HELPLESSNESS and all the above can reduce a once healthy self esteemed person to one whose self esteem has been worn down / become LOW especially in those in a position of RESPONSIBILITY
I SHOULD NOT HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF PRACTICALLY POLICING MY DAUGHTER as well as being her social worker!
MY responsibility should be to love and care for my Grandchildren , give them lots of hugs and lots of care and loads of smiles and tickles , that'll do me , although I can change a nappy if REALLY required x
I have NEVER felt SO HELPLESS in my whole life AND my self esteem is suffering as I used to be a sociable person but have locked myself away and have not been out for about 10 months due to being immersed in this world of worry , alcoholism , spliffs now , separation from GS , SS 'interaction' , more worry , concern , uncertaintly about the future etc plus it is a PRIVATE world the devastating world of alcoholism and self harm etc you don't exactly announce it on Facebook and social gatherings don't want to know about your alcoholic difficult child and that world you are living in and part of which no one else is who has just gone out for a simple chat and drink or meal or social event etc so I can't even share with people the DEPTH of emotions I am feeling right now so makes me not want to MIX with them or interact with them but then I am ISOLATED and it makes my self esteem WORSE coz then I am scared to mix and socialise and it is hard to trust myself not to 'blurt' but nothing wrong with saying I have been having a few family problems etc but I need to get out there more again too as living in isolation makes my self esteem WORSE
Prolonged stress , bereavement , loss or separation , worry , concern , grief , sadness etc has a PROFOUND affect on someones self esteem along with the feelings of HELPLESSNESS and all the above can reduce a once healthy self esteemed person to one whose self esteem has been worn down / become LOW especially in those in a position of RESPONSIBILITY
I SHOULD NOT HAVE THE RESPONSIBILITY OF PRACTICALLY POLICING MY DAUGHTER as well as being her social worker!
MY responsibility should be to love and care for my Grandchildren , give them lots of hugs and lots of care and loads of smiles and tickles , that'll do me , although I can change a nappy if REALLY required
x
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Apparently everything is MY fault! lol
When she is well again I am hoping she looks back and sees everything CLEARLY and takes responsibility for her own actions etc rather than blame me
When she is well again I am hoping she looks back and sees everything CLEARLY and takes responsibility for her own actions etc rather than blame me
