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<blockquote data-quote="Hope_Floats" data-source="post: 638222" data-attributes="member: 18310"><p>Thank you all for the encouragement. It really does help. I did read the article on detachment and found it quite eye-opening, thanks. Over the last three years of going through this nightmare (you're right, MWM, that's exactly what it is) I have read Codependent No More, Dr. Cloud's Boundaries, and also, the one that has actually been the most helpful so far for this specific issue, Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke. I would highly recommend that one as well. For a while I also had a phone counselor that I talked to a couple of times a week. I think that saved my life. If any of you are offered that service as a work benefit through EAP (Employee Assistance Plan or Program in the US) you should take advantage of it. Ours offered the typical 6 free in-person counseling sessions per year plus unlimited phone consultations. The phone counselor I had was in a different time zone, so his work hours extended beyond mine. I could talk to him in the evenings after work. He helped me to plan ways to stop enabling, stop trying to control another person, and to take care of myself. </p><p></p><p>It's still difficult though, and I guess it just always will be. It's kind of like grieving someone's death, even though they aren't dead. So there's the grief, but no closure. Or maybe it's more like you have a loved one in a coma, and you don't know if they'll ever wake up. You just keep hoping......</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hope_Floats, post: 638222, member: 18310"] Thank you all for the encouragement. It really does help. I did read the article on detachment and found it quite eye-opening, thanks. Over the last three years of going through this nightmare (you're right, MWM, that's exactly what it is) I have read Codependent No More, Dr. Cloud's Boundaries, and also, the one that has actually been the most helpful so far for this specific issue, Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke. I would highly recommend that one as well. For a while I also had a phone counselor that I talked to a couple of times a week. I think that saved my life. If any of you are offered that service as a work benefit through EAP (Employee Assistance Plan or Program in the US) you should take advantage of it. Ours offered the typical 6 free in-person counseling sessions per year plus unlimited phone consultations. The phone counselor I had was in a different time zone, so his work hours extended beyond mine. I could talk to him in the evenings after work. He helped me to plan ways to stop enabling, stop trying to control another person, and to take care of myself. It's still difficult though, and I guess it just always will be. It's kind of like grieving someone's death, even though they aren't dead. So there's the grief, but no closure. Or maybe it's more like you have a loved one in a coma, and you don't know if they'll ever wake up. You just keep hoping...... [/QUOTE]
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