Care to guess who is drunk this morning?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DDD, Jan 14, 2011.

  1. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Bright kid! Yep, easy child/difficult child went out last night swearing he wasn't going to drink but had to meet some girl who was driving two hours to visit with him. Did I remind him that today was a very important day? Sure did. He replied "I'm not stupid Mama
    so don't worry."

    Today after four years of waiting he has an appintment with the attorney who is to prep him for his disability appeal hearing that is out of town next week. The meeting is at 2 PM. At 9:30 he was still drunk and said "I better try to catch some sleep b/4
    the meeting." OMG! Addiction is so very ugly. Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI)'s aren't great either. Put them together and there is zero chance of success. Duh! DDD
  2. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry - that he is this sick with addiction and that you have to deal with it. It must be very hard to watch and be a part of his life when he is like this. I guess this is one reason that you are a Warrior Mom - who else could cope?

    Saying a prayer that he is able to attend and participate in the appointment. I hope you are able to attend and help him with this (IF it is not too difficult and/or too much of a strain on you to do so) so that he has at least a chance. on the other hand, this is a result of his disability, so it should illustrate how hw would NOT be able to hold a job and NEEDS disability.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I am so sorry DDD. They continue shooting themselves in the foot. Addiction is horrible, it robs them of everything, it takes away and chance of success or moving forward. It's heartbreaking and we can't do anything about it. I have gotten to the point where I hate alcohol. I was never a big drinker but I don;t even like the sight of it anymore. I saw what it did to my dad and our family and I am living it now with difficult child.

    How are you holding up? Was one of the conditions for him being there that he stay sober?

  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh I hope he was able to sleep it off enough to get through it. He really needs to get through that appeal.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    He's there with a strong smell of Lavoris or something. Geez. I have not been optimistic about him getting approval because his deficits are not obvious. There is no physical disability. He can speak well. He tells me he is not counting on it but thinks he has a chance. I have stayed out of the appeal. He found the law firm, met with the representatiave about a year ago and now it is near the finish line. Evidently the ruling won't be made for a couple of months which coincides with the move to Ga. If he should get a retroactive payment I expect he will repay us for the probation money and stay here with his friends but with-o the involvement of his grandparents.

    Nancy, he has been living in an apartment with difficult child for the past couple of months. GFGmom talked him into moving there and it has been a very slippery slope. difficult child who is truly disabled (and documented) had his disability cut off last month. GFGmom is "in charge". His suspension is under appeal and he should get reinstated with back payments. GFGmom is in charge of the money......and doesn't have money to pay their rent this month. Things are up in the air.

    How am I doing? Actually I have done a good job of disengaging. It's been 10 years! It's about time, lol. on the other hand we love him to death and IF there was anything more that we could do to change his future we'd do it. My biggest fear is that he will get arrested again if he is here and on his own. Even if he is not doing anything wrong he hangs out with losers who do. The local cops (well under half of them) watching him like a hawk. He got stopped by one the other day for not stopping at a yield sign when there were no other cars around. The cop gave him a lecture on how you have to stop at a yield sign no matter what...then let him go. WTH! Thanks for caring. DDD
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    DDD they could likely neuropsychologist test him to see his deificits easily enough. They are required to speak to any docs he's seen for the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) as well.......or at the very least get a detailed report from them.

    I'm guessing this is one of those law firms that don't get paid unless they get the job done? Cuz I don't know how else difficult child would pay for it. If so, they wouldn't take the case if they didn't think they had a decent chance to win it for him........only way they can make money.

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    You're right. They work on a % basis. You're also right that they need a neuropsychologist and they have the copy of the one done last year. I don't know whether to hope he gets it or hope he doesn't. Either way there is nothing I can do that I haven't already done. With his impulsivity I am quite sure he will do his own thing if he is awarded a lump sum check. DDD

    by the way he just came to the store after his meeting and is a bit of a difficult child mode. He told me that GFGmom is going out of town with him to be a witness. Good grief. That's a combo. DDD
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh oh oh....if he means she is going to be a witness for him for the SS hearing...dont worry! They dont allow witnesses in the hearings. Its just the claimant, the lawyer, the file and the judge...and any court folks needed.

    We thought we could bring Tony in with me but they made him stay out in the waiting room. Who would be better to know exactly how I am each day than him? I also asked if I could bring my therapist...they said no.

    So I wouldnt worry about gfgmom going as a witness.
  9. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    The attorney is the one who told him to bring a witness, Janet. Truthfully I thought the attorney would offer to transport him to the hearing (about three hours away) and not want anyone with him. When I questioned easy child/difficult child he told me adamantly that his Mother was driving him and would be his witness. I guess I got a negative look on my face because he added "Mom will be the best one because you know she lies all the time!" Geez, True..but, geez Louise. We've raised the kid to be honest and tell the truth etc. etc. GFGmom's influence far exceed what we expected. Sad. DDD
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The lawyer may well think they can bring a witness...mine did too. They didnt allow Tony in. I have heard from many other people that they have been told to bring witnesses and they arent used. So guess you can just see.
  11. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Maybe the attorney just wants someone available in case the Judge asks?? Guess we'll know next week for sure. Then I gather it will be up to three months before we know the outcome. It's been a long raod. DDD
  12. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I draw SSDI, not SSI, but I was under the impression that alcohol or other drug abuse were not valid reasons for drawing SS. Could be only for SSDI. I don't really know much about SSI.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think he is going for it under the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI).
  14. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    I would think so, but I definitely think showing up SOBER for the hearing is a good idea, to say the least. I do know that my doctors were questioned about substance abuse as part of the process.

    Not an issue in my case as I don't drink other than a beer or cocktail maybe twice year. It's bad for me with my medications and more than one drink leaves me feeling like koi the next day.
  15. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    G.N. I wonder if the alcholism will even come up. His petition is for the results of the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) after his brain surgery almost five years ago. In the documentation send to him explaining the process it includes reference to alcohol problems and states that partial payment may be awarded if alcohol use is a contributing factor.

    That is one reason I did not volunteer to participate in the appeal process. I am not a good fact (just like on the CD Board, lol) I tend to provide too much information. There is no way I could evade questions about alcohol use. Sadly, on the other hand, easy child/difficult child inherited the difficult child part from his GFGmom and I don't doubt for a minute that skirting or avoiding the full truth will come naturally to both of them. I also assume the attorneys have not brought up the subject.

    He is an alcoholic. True. The Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) does contribute to his excessive drinking. That is also true. He has short term memory problems and honestly does not remember how much he has had. So...if he has had one "cup" at 8 PM then he doesn't remember that he had a second or third cup before a drink is offered at nine PM. Actually he will argue that he could not have been drunk because he only had two "cups". Meanwhile he is exhibiting all the signs.'s sad and a bit more complicated than a healthy kid with an addiction. He honestly does not believe he "has a problem" because if he has even one drink (based on his memory) he refuses to drive and leaves the truck wherever he is at the time. He sees this as proof that he is not out of control.

    As I said before, I don't know whethr to hope he is approved or disapproved. Either way will not be a road to sobriety.
    If he is approved then we will not have to be as concerned about his individual survival as we get older. Then again if he has the lump sum payout plus monthly payments he probably will be on an H of a toot. DDD
  16. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    Our difficult child 1 just had his SSI hearing and was approved. The lawyer had me go along as a witness and I was allowed to sit in, but by the end of the session with difficult child 1 the judge was satisfied and didn't require me to testify. I expect the rules vary somewhat with location and perhaps with the individual judge, as to witnesses and support people. The lawyer did ask difficult child 1 about drinking at his pre-hearing private appointment and said that drinking cannot appear to the judge to be a component of the disability, or the appeal will be disallowed. In other words, if the person is demonstrably disabled regardless of whether or not he/she drinks, that's fine; if not, the appeal fails.

    Now difficult child 1 has $5.00 in the bank, literally, until Jan. 27 when he will get $100 cash assistance, which is not enough to pay his share of the rent for Feb. 1. If his retroactive check doesn't come through, he'll be in default on the rent in February and I'm betting his girlfriend won't help out. It's like getting blood from a stone to get her half of the rent, and always late. We can't help him out without violating the $80.00 monthly limit on extra income and causing his benefits to go from $696 to $490. I have no idea what he'll do if the payment doesn't come through in time. Beg his landlord for extra time, I suppose.
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Interesting, Katya. They say here that approval or disapproval notice can take up to two or three months.

    I have no idea what the attorney, easy child/difficult child or GFGmom will say about drinking. For once I have stayed completely out of it.
    The paperwork, however, said that alcoholism can be a factor that reduces the disability payment. I also imagine I won't get a full accounting of the meeting...particularly is dishonest answers were given. Sigh. DDD