Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Sep 13, 2018.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    The meaning of cathargic 'providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions. Causing catharsis. To cleanse or purge.
    That is what I have been doing today. I have been going through family photo albums. I am scanning photos and either throwing away or making an album for my daughter. I am letting go of grief and agony as I look at these pictures of her and remind myself that I have found a new detached freedom in the last few months. It has been a long, hard process but I can feel the shift in my thinking and it is settling into my soul.
    Yesterday when I read Tanya M's post about documents it got me to think about getting rid of the rest of my daughters pictures, especially the pictures of her bad times, I am letting go.
    Also Tanya, I hear you loud and clear about not getting involved in your son's business with the courts, I know it takes strength and you mentioned it did not help him in his future.

    This project that I am working on is hard and healing at the same time. I take a look at my daughters face in the pictures and I am releasing the hurt that comes with that face, not just the hurt but the years of her abuse and belligerence.
    I see no fun future with her and her boyfriend. My husband will have absolutely NOTHING to do with him and I avoid him as much as possible. This is NOT the future I had envisioned. I envisioned all of us going on cruises and having a great time as we all get older.
    God in heaven knows how much I have tried to make things work. All my energy went into finding balance with my family, with our daughter, every ounce I have went into trying to make it work.
    Somethings just don't work like I want it to and I have to stand back and be ok with it.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I would take those cruises, you and hub. Most parents dont do cruises with their kids but it is still fun. I would plan future fun with husband.

    Your daughter has been a problem for a very long time. It isnt her boyfriends fault. She picked him for a reason too.

    It takes two to make a relationahip work as far as parent and child. You did your best. Her turn. Or not.

    Take care of YOU and in my opinion just dont include daughter...she will ruin your plans.

    Love and light!!
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I will go as far as to say why not retire someplace away from daughter? I would not want to live in the same state with my adult child if it caused me so much grief.

    I'd get far, far away and live MY own life.

    Done and done.
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  4. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Just went on a cruise. No Difficult Child. Took a ton of medications for my crazy autoimmune diseases. Plus a ton of medications for sea sickness. Had a GREAT time. Carefree. Relaxing. Fun. If you have a chance to go...go. :group-hug:Us parents of “special” kids need respite.
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  5. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Nomad, SO glad you had a great cruise. It is our family tradition to take a cruise each January. The last few cruises we took with our daughter went well, she knows if she acts up we will not take her. We did go one time without her and it was the cruise from hell. We hit rough seas everyday, the ship rocked the entire time and most of the people were in their cabins holding their barf bags.
    Sitting outside on our cabin balcony was really great for trying to heal some of our relationship. I would rap a blanket around my daughter and myself and we would watch the moon and waves go by, it was such a healing time for both of us. The motion of the water seems to calm my daughter and the endless food and entertainment. I get a lot of pleasure watching her enjoy herself, it is truly a memory maker.
    I have been on cruises when my daughter went off the rails and it is a nightmare, we are in a different country and she has a melt down or starts horrible drama.. She really has to watch herself now because she knows that if she starts crap it will be her last one with us.
  6. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    Funny, we just went on a cruise too with 4 year old grandson. Our dream was to retire and travel. Cruise has a kid’s center, so it’s a good way to go with grandson. We went from Amsterdam to Barcelona.

    Daughter has a new boyfriend and hasn’t seen her son for over three months, or called or anything. She texts wife occasionally to ask how he’s doing. He’s doing great, in preschool at Catholic school.
  7. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    DoneDad, I am glad your grandson is doing well and that you took a nice cruise. It is sad that your daughter at age 28 cannot get herself together and has not seen her son in 3 months. I understand the heartache when your daughter makes poor choices for boyfriends.
    I hope you saw many wonderful things and I hope the food was wonderful. A cruise is truly a real vacation.