Caught Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pasajes4, Nov 12, 2012.

  1. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    My son has to have an attorney for court on the 20th of November. I qualify for a court appointed attorney as long as I don't bring in any income as a sub. If I don't sub, I will have a hard time with some of the bills. Of course if I sub, every penny will go to pay an attorney the ridiculous fees.

    I think it is so unfair that parents get stuck with the bills for their kids bad choices. I wish they could come up with a way for kids to "pay" for the attorneys.
  2. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    That stinks. We just paid for an atty for our difficult child, for a minor thing, and it cost us about $2100 for almost no effort on the atty's part. But our difficult child is legally an adult, so it was really our choice whether to pay for it or leave him high and dry.
    Depending on what an atty would cost you, I might consider not subbing and qualifying for assistance. As far as the bills, you may be able to call the companies you must pay late and negotiate some kind of payment plan in advance to give you some kind of breathing room.
    In our case, we had some savings bonds that difficult child got for baptism, confirmation, etc., and we used some of the oldest bonds to defray the attorney's cost. We told difficult child that we had been holding them for his "future" and this was a sad way to pay for his "future." Infuriating.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish I had some great advice for you, however, all I can do is commiserate, it does stink, I'm sorry you have to be in this place. Sigh. Our kids can sure put us right there, between a rock and a hard place. Well, you're not alone, there are lots of us who have been or are stuck in the exact same place. (((HUGS)))
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I would call the various bill places before you have any past due amts and ask for help. It would also be helpful to check out various churches who may be able to help you. Most people do not realize that churches often help people who are not members. I know our local episcopal church has a fund and they will give several hundred or more to families in need, esp if those families are trying to help troubled kids. I know for a fact that many Catholic churches have programs where you can take a bill or two in and they will issue a check to the utility or landlord to help. husband's father has worked writing these checks for almost 2 decades and less than 1/4 of the people they help go to their church.

    Chances are that they will demand that your son have an atty, so for now I would either not work or find a way to get income that you don't have to report, like ebay selling or having a yard sale or something. You have to do what you have to do to get by, regardless of what the letter of the law is.

    I hate the fact that if a kid gets into trouble it is the parent who has to shell out the money, esp given the many things that our kids can do to refuse all of our efforts to make them do the right things. I really do think there should be a way for the kids to feel the pain more. Of course I am mean enough that I would sell my kids video games, game systems, cds and dvds and any other possessions to pay their court fees if they didn't get the allowance or holiday money to cover it. All of my kids know it and know I would NOT buy their stuff back for them either.

    So what does difficult child have that you can pawn or sell to pay the bills because you cannot work to pay them?
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You've gotten some good advise about delaying some bill payments -- life is just not fair, especially when we throw our difficult children into the mix! Sorry that you are having to pay for his mistakes.


  6. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the suggestions. I will make it some kind of way. I like the suggestion about selling his stuff and i would but he does not have anything to sell. He never wanted a game system or any kind of electronics. His thing has always been being outside. He won't have Christmas this year that's for sure. We go on a short vacation with a group of friends. He was really looking forward to this years trip.

    They really do need to come up with something that makes the kid feel the pinch.