Childofmine
one day at a time
Good Morning dear friends and Warrior people,
Just a note to say that I'm celebrating this week. It's been two years since Difficult Child last got out of jail and started on what has turned out to be a path of consistent progress.
Today, he begins a new job making $23 an hour as an electrician's helper. He will be working 56 hours a week, with 16 of those hours being overtime. He will be off on Sundays only.
He is so very proud. He said yesterday: Mom, I was homeless a year and a half ago and look where I am now.
I tried not to overdo my pride and joy and peace. I said, yes, you have done it yourself. You need to stop for a few minutes and just relish what you have done over the past 18 months.
Later, I sent him a text and told him how proud I am of him for his persistence, hard work and determination. He has always had that in spades. Whatever he really wanted, he worked hard to make happen.
Unfortunately, for a long long time, that persistence was focused on the wrong things. Now, because I believe he was terrified of prison when he was in jail that last time, he somehow, someway got ready to change. And then he worked at it.
We stood back for a long long time---from the end of June to the end of October---while he worked full time at McDonald's, walking or biking to work, sleeping outside on a bench all night long, still homeless. During that time, he came here after work one day and wanted to sleep for a while, as he had nowhere to sleep except a bench at night where the police had directed him. I said no. At the end of October, a local homeless advocate, who had gotten to know my son, helped him get into an apartment. My son asked for some help then, and his dad and I had some long discussions before we both decided to help. We paid money directly to the apartment people and utility deposits. Difficult Child also paid part. He still didn't have a car, and continued walking and biking to work for a long time.
We worked very hard to stand back and let him do it. We were cautious and skeptical because we had been burned over and over again. We had been taught the very painful lesson of what happened when we stepped in and how that undermined his progress and set him back.
I can't tell you how grateful I am for his progress. I know you know and understand. I pray it continues. He is planning to move out of the trailer at some point and get into an apartment. We will help him move, but the money part will be on him. We are not offering to pay any of that. My ex-husband (his dad) and I have been helping with his health insurance on the exchange and part of his medical out of pocket expenses. I imagine we will stop doing that soon.
Yesterday he said he would take me to dinner once he gets paid.
There is hope. People can claw their way back. They have to want it bad, and for our DCs, I believe, realizing they are earning something with every day, with every step, that they never want to lose again, is key to continuing progress.
Every situation is different. There is no one way to respond to DCs. I respect everybody's unique situation and just hope we can continue to support each other, encourage each other, and provide options and ideas.
Just a note to say that I'm celebrating this week. It's been two years since Difficult Child last got out of jail and started on what has turned out to be a path of consistent progress.
Today, he begins a new job making $23 an hour as an electrician's helper. He will be working 56 hours a week, with 16 of those hours being overtime. He will be off on Sundays only.
He is so very proud. He said yesterday: Mom, I was homeless a year and a half ago and look where I am now.
I tried not to overdo my pride and joy and peace. I said, yes, you have done it yourself. You need to stop for a few minutes and just relish what you have done over the past 18 months.
Later, I sent him a text and told him how proud I am of him for his persistence, hard work and determination. He has always had that in spades. Whatever he really wanted, he worked hard to make happen.
Unfortunately, for a long long time, that persistence was focused on the wrong things. Now, because I believe he was terrified of prison when he was in jail that last time, he somehow, someway got ready to change. And then he worked at it.
We stood back for a long long time---from the end of June to the end of October---while he worked full time at McDonald's, walking or biking to work, sleeping outside on a bench all night long, still homeless. During that time, he came here after work one day and wanted to sleep for a while, as he had nowhere to sleep except a bench at night where the police had directed him. I said no. At the end of October, a local homeless advocate, who had gotten to know my son, helped him get into an apartment. My son asked for some help then, and his dad and I had some long discussions before we both decided to help. We paid money directly to the apartment people and utility deposits. Difficult Child also paid part. He still didn't have a car, and continued walking and biking to work for a long time.
We worked very hard to stand back and let him do it. We were cautious and skeptical because we had been burned over and over again. We had been taught the very painful lesson of what happened when we stepped in and how that undermined his progress and set him back.
I can't tell you how grateful I am for his progress. I know you know and understand. I pray it continues. He is planning to move out of the trailer at some point and get into an apartment. We will help him move, but the money part will be on him. We are not offering to pay any of that. My ex-husband (his dad) and I have been helping with his health insurance on the exchange and part of his medical out of pocket expenses. I imagine we will stop doing that soon.
Yesterday he said he would take me to dinner once he gets paid.
There is hope. People can claw their way back. They have to want it bad, and for our DCs, I believe, realizing they are earning something with every day, with every step, that they never want to lose again, is key to continuing progress.
Every situation is different. There is no one way to respond to DCs. I respect everybody's unique situation and just hope we can continue to support each other, encourage each other, and provide options and ideas.
