difficult child wants to get a cell phone and has saved enough money to get a no contract phone. If she keeps her babysitting job (after school every other week) she should have enough money to do it. Not sure if she will be needed to babysit during the summer. She can get a plan for under $50 a month of unlimited talk, text and web.
OK... now we need to discuss ground rules she can live with. I am sure she will think "since I am paying for it, I can do what I want." difficult child will be 15 in a couple of months. She is keeping her grades at an acceptable level. Things are a little better, but she still has an explosive temper when she doesn't get her way. Like tonight... she asks if friend can spend the night and do a movie marathon. I suggest friend coming over and staying until 11pm and then she goes home. In the past, overnights have not gone well. She got a little hostile... "That is not how I planned it... we would stay in the upstairs bedroom and watch old Disney movies til 10 or 11, then come downstairs and watch a bunch of 'Switched at Birth' episodes. When we didn't give in to the overnight... she asks, well what if she stays here til 11 and then we go to her house to spend the night. So I let her talk to friend, and friend asks her mom and the answer was no to everything. Getting the no from her friend didn't upset her... but us putting limits on things does.
So, back to phone... my main rule that I can think of is... we get control of the phone at 10pm on school nights, and she gets it back once she is ready for school the next morning. I guess I can control WHEN she texts.. but I know it will be hard to control WHAT she texts. She does fb chat with "fb" friends and I do have the password so I am able to check on things. I have only checked twice in the last two months, but I am pretty shocked. She sends fb friend messages to guys and asks "Do I know you, do you go to my school?" I guess she has added so many friends of friends to fb that she doesn't really know them. And she is the one who almost always initiates the messages to the guys. And it is almost always the "I'm bored, what are you doing? can we hang out?' type messages. Some of the guys texts back things like... I used to go to your high school but I got kicked out... or something similar. So not the best type of people. We don't let her hang out with guys. If it was a school function then it is OK - like watching a football game, or a school activity. But her idea of hang out is "drop me off at the mall" or even wanting to get dropped off at a park several miles away. Nope. I know that the boyfriend thing is a typical teen... but she is unwilling to have a guy stop by the house... as that would be too embarrassing.
Well, I keep getting sidetracked. Back to the phone. Other rules I can think of... you lose the phone... you have to replace it. Can't add money to the phone... too bad. Are most phones password protected? How would I keep track of things if something comes up and I feel like I need to see what/who she is talking to and planning?
We see the therapist next week, and I want to have a list to take with me to discuss with difficult child and therapist at the same time. Thanks. KSM
OK... now we need to discuss ground rules she can live with. I am sure she will think "since I am paying for it, I can do what I want." difficult child will be 15 in a couple of months. She is keeping her grades at an acceptable level. Things are a little better, but she still has an explosive temper when she doesn't get her way. Like tonight... she asks if friend can spend the night and do a movie marathon. I suggest friend coming over and staying until 11pm and then she goes home. In the past, overnights have not gone well. She got a little hostile... "That is not how I planned it... we would stay in the upstairs bedroom and watch old Disney movies til 10 or 11, then come downstairs and watch a bunch of 'Switched at Birth' episodes. When we didn't give in to the overnight... she asks, well what if she stays here til 11 and then we go to her house to spend the night. So I let her talk to friend, and friend asks her mom and the answer was no to everything. Getting the no from her friend didn't upset her... but us putting limits on things does.
So, back to phone... my main rule that I can think of is... we get control of the phone at 10pm on school nights, and she gets it back once she is ready for school the next morning. I guess I can control WHEN she texts.. but I know it will be hard to control WHAT she texts. She does fb chat with "fb" friends and I do have the password so I am able to check on things. I have only checked twice in the last two months, but I am pretty shocked. She sends fb friend messages to guys and asks "Do I know you, do you go to my school?" I guess she has added so many friends of friends to fb that she doesn't really know them. And she is the one who almost always initiates the messages to the guys. And it is almost always the "I'm bored, what are you doing? can we hang out?' type messages. Some of the guys texts back things like... I used to go to your high school but I got kicked out... or something similar. So not the best type of people. We don't let her hang out with guys. If it was a school function then it is OK - like watching a football game, or a school activity. But her idea of hang out is "drop me off at the mall" or even wanting to get dropped off at a park several miles away. Nope. I know that the boyfriend thing is a typical teen... but she is unwilling to have a guy stop by the house... as that would be too embarrassing.
Well, I keep getting sidetracked. Back to the phone. Other rules I can think of... you lose the phone... you have to replace it. Can't add money to the phone... too bad. Are most phones password protected? How would I keep track of things if something comes up and I feel like I need to see what/who she is talking to and planning?
We see the therapist next week, and I want to have a list to take with me to discuss with difficult child and therapist at the same time. Thanks. KSM