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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 663140" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>First of all, welcome and you should lprobably post on Parent Emeritus. This forum is for children under 18, which a lot different. You can find the Parent Emeritus forum by just clicking on forums. Also, if this is your real name, for the sake of safety you may want to change it to another user name.</p><p></p><p>I do have four adult kids and, honestly, you can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, but you can make strict boundaries for her to be able to live in your house, eat your food, and have the comforts of a good life. Most of us who have had to take this difficult walk insist on no drug use, respectful behavior, doing chores, working full time if not in a school that they are taking seriously and stealing is often the dealbreaker that sends these adult children out of the house. She is too old for you to influence. Your only leverage is that she can not reside in your home unless she follows a certain code of behavior...and then you have to back it up. Did you call the police for the theft? I would have. I hope she no longer has cell service paid for by you. You'd better lock everything up and maybe change your credit card numbers. Get a firebox. Take the key with you. If you can live that way, you are free to try keeping her at home. But don't trust her and be very diligent about hiding your valuables including jewelry and heirlooms that can't be replaced. Many of us have been robbed by our adult kids, usually pawned for drug money. It starts out slow and escalates. Is your daughter willing to get help? I'd make that one condition for living at home...weekly counseling.</p><p></p><p>In my opinion, and most in the Parent Emeritus phase no longer put up with this behavior in our homes. Period. If our young men and women don't follow our rules, they have to find a place to live or even go to a homeless shelter.</p><p></p><p>You can not control whether or not she pushes herself into failure and you can't push her into failure. At her age it is all on her. What is going on so far, with her having a nice place to stay while she screws up, is not working. It usually leads to even worse behavior and it is while she lives under your roof, your home, your castle and sanctuary. You should be allowed to have a peaceful life under your roof when your children become adults and adults your daughters age are in full time college, full time jobs, and fighting for our country. She is not thriving. If it is drugs, she needs to put herself in a rehab, in my opinion, to be allowed to live at home. That is one way to motivate her to get help. It may work, it may not, but it is a positive stance to take.</p><p></p><p>I would read the Parent Emeritus board and post there. We are all moms who have been there/done that/wore the tee-shirt and a ton of experience and much wisdom is written on that forum for those who struggle with adult children who are not growing up the right way.</p><p></p><p>Maybe you'd like to share more of your story about her. It could help us come up with more spot on possible things that you can do. If not, you don't have to share any more than you are comfortable sharing. Do you have any other kids at home who could be influenced by her? Any SO in the picture?</p><p></p><p>Welcome again. Really, we are a nice group of folks. We learn to care for one another.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 663140, member: 1550"] First of all, welcome and you should lprobably post on Parent Emeritus. This forum is for children under 18, which a lot different. You can find the Parent Emeritus forum by just clicking on forums. Also, if this is your real name, for the sake of safety you may want to change it to another user name. I do have four adult kids and, honestly, you can't make her do anything she doesn't want to do, but you can make strict boundaries for her to be able to live in your house, eat your food, and have the comforts of a good life. Most of us who have had to take this difficult walk insist on no drug use, respectful behavior, doing chores, working full time if not in a school that they are taking seriously and stealing is often the dealbreaker that sends these adult children out of the house. She is too old for you to influence. Your only leverage is that she can not reside in your home unless she follows a certain code of behavior...and then you have to back it up. Did you call the police for the theft? I would have. I hope she no longer has cell service paid for by you. You'd better lock everything up and maybe change your credit card numbers. Get a firebox. Take the key with you. If you can live that way, you are free to try keeping her at home. But don't trust her and be very diligent about hiding your valuables including jewelry and heirlooms that can't be replaced. Many of us have been robbed by our adult kids, usually pawned for drug money. It starts out slow and escalates. Is your daughter willing to get help? I'd make that one condition for living at home...weekly counseling. In my opinion, and most in the Parent Emeritus phase no longer put up with this behavior in our homes. Period. If our young men and women don't follow our rules, they have to find a place to live or even go to a homeless shelter. You can not control whether or not she pushes herself into failure and you can't push her into failure. At her age it is all on her. What is going on so far, with her having a nice place to stay while she screws up, is not working. It usually leads to even worse behavior and it is while she lives under your roof, your home, your castle and sanctuary. You should be allowed to have a peaceful life under your roof when your children become adults and adults your daughters age are in full time college, full time jobs, and fighting for our country. She is not thriving. If it is drugs, she needs to put herself in a rehab, in my opinion, to be allowed to live at home. That is one way to motivate her to get help. It may work, it may not, but it is a positive stance to take. I would read the Parent Emeritus board and post there. We are all moms who have been there/done that/wore the tee-shirt and a ton of experience and much wisdom is written on that forum for those who struggle with adult children who are not growing up the right way. Maybe you'd like to share more of your story about her. It could help us come up with more spot on possible things that you can do. If not, you don't have to share any more than you are comfortable sharing. Do you have any other kids at home who could be influenced by her? Any SO in the picture? Welcome again. Really, we are a nice group of folks. We learn to care for one another. [/QUOTE]
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