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<blockquote data-quote="Mikey" data-source="post: 52226" data-attributes="member: 3579"><p>dlgallant - I can sympathize with how you feel. When I first came here, I was scared, disoriented, and completely run by my out-of-control emotions. While I found that many people here were sympathetic, I also found that other folks here who have been there done that were further down the path than I was - in fact, they may have been further down a different path altogether! </p><p></p><p>Some folks took a very tough line with me. Others tried to help. For every person that was supportive, there was another that already had a ready-made answer to my problems. I, too, was very angry and defensive for a while. But I learned to take what I needed and ignore the rest. As time went by, and I became more aware of the reality of my situation, I came to understand more of what was being offered, even if I didn't like the bluntness of how the offer was made.</p><p></p><p>I can only suggest to you that all of us here <strong>came</strong> here for a reason. And when we then see others in the same type of distress, it's natural to assume that what worked (or didn't work) for us would apply to you as well. Sometimes that's true, other times, well....</p><p></p><p>The decision I made is that I know my kid best. I never discount what others here have said, whether it was harsh or kind. I do, however, balance what is offered against my own desires, goals, and the reality of my situation from <strong>my</strong> unique perspective. I can honestly say that while I've chosen to do some things differently than what some CD'ers have suggested, other ideas were very valuable. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't have had either.</p><p></p><p>And that, to me, was important. Getting out of the rut of being controlled by my emotions and fears, and getting BACK into the mode of <em>acting</em> instead of <em>reacting</em>. The conversations here, the back and forth of different persepectives, help get me thinking more and "reacting" less. So to me, even those folks I disagree with help in that they help refine my thoughts.</p><p></p><p>But I can also understand that when you're down, and need a "soft place to land", you don't want to get kicked in the gut by reality. I'm sorry that has happened to you, but I hope you can see past that to the benefits you get from being here. I have.</p><p></p><p>One other thought: if there are certain folks here that youl like to converse with, folks whom you trust with your thoughts and feelings, you can always use private messages instead of a general post. They work the same way as a general post, only between two people instead of the whole community.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you choose, though, I hope that you find the support and caring you seek. We can't do this alone.</p><p></p><p>Mikey</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Mikey, post: 52226, member: 3579"] dlgallant - I can sympathize with how you feel. When I first came here, I was scared, disoriented, and completely run by my out-of-control emotions. While I found that many people here were sympathetic, I also found that other folks here who have been there done that were further down the path than I was - in fact, they may have been further down a different path altogether! Some folks took a very tough line with me. Others tried to help. For every person that was supportive, there was another that already had a ready-made answer to my problems. I, too, was very angry and defensive for a while. But I learned to take what I needed and ignore the rest. As time went by, and I became more aware of the reality of my situation, I came to understand more of what was being offered, even if I didn't like the bluntness of how the offer was made. I can only suggest to you that all of us here [b]came[/b] here for a reason. And when we then see others in the same type of distress, it's natural to assume that what worked (or didn't work) for us would apply to you as well. Sometimes that's true, other times, well.... The decision I made is that I know my kid best. I never discount what others here have said, whether it was harsh or kind. I do, however, balance what is offered against my own desires, goals, and the reality of my situation from [b]my[/b] unique perspective. I can honestly say that while I've chosen to do some things differently than what some CD'ers have suggested, other ideas were very valuable. If I wasn't here, I wouldn't have had either. And that, to me, was important. Getting out of the rut of being controlled by my emotions and fears, and getting BACK into the mode of [i]acting[/i] instead of [i]reacting[/i]. The conversations here, the back and forth of different persepectives, help get me thinking more and "reacting" less. So to me, even those folks I disagree with help in that they help refine my thoughts. But I can also understand that when you're down, and need a "soft place to land", you don't want to get kicked in the gut by reality. I'm sorry that has happened to you, but I hope you can see past that to the benefits you get from being here. I have. One other thought: if there are certain folks here that youl like to converse with, folks whom you trust with your thoughts and feelings, you can always use private messages instead of a general post. They work the same way as a general post, only between two people instead of the whole community. Whatever you choose, though, I hope that you find the support and caring you seek. We can't do this alone. Mikey [/QUOTE]
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