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Changing the mindset of victimhood....
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 11574" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>I also do not have a shingle- altho I have some pretty good PTSD of my own. I know for me, how it strikes me when someone tells me how strong I am, I want to scream. I am NOT all as strong as anyone might think. Not even close. I did not choose those things to happen, did not choose to have my dad hold a gun to my head or my stepdad to molest me or my uncle, nor did I choose mom to send me to the streets not foster care, not someone elses house- but literally the streets) I did not choose to get Lupus and have 14 miscarriages, or to have such an ill husband and have to support us so many years. I was NOT trying to self improve. It hurts and I ached and people would tell me how strong I am to live thru it. Well, I did not have a lot of choice, unless I choose suicide. and I felt too chicken suicide might hurt. so- I HATED people to tell me I am strong. I hated that I would have to be strong to live thru those things. I would much rather then to have been weak and not have had Occupational Therapist (OT) live thru those things. If being weak meant I did not have to then let me be weak. </p><p>To tell me of others have lived thru it or worse, that made me feel like I was a ninny, it made me feel like what I lived thru was being dismissed and minimized. Or that what I was dealing with did not matter. If I am supposed to be ok becuz others have faced worse, then am I not supposed to fight for better? </p><p>Being a victim of both sex crimes and stalking and physical violence from people I was supposed to be able to trust made it VERY hard for me to trust. My husband had to work overtime to earn my trust. and even after 22 years, I still have days when I shreik at him as if he were one of the offenders from my past. There are still things I will not do, situations I still will not put myself in......this is not all bad. Some people call it "cautious" </p><p>I imagine kt and wm have seen first hand that people can hurt you, people are not always what they seem.....and danger can and does lurk even in places that are supposed to be safe. Sure it gives the offenders power over them, but by trying to keep themself from being hurt more um.....</p><p>Sorry I lost my train of thought.</p><p></p><p>I think mostly it takes TIME. and better experiences......it is not the kind of lesson that can just be taught. I think it takes repeated and ongoing better experiences over time to grow the trust and to grow the idea that um.......that not everyone is going to hurt them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 11574, member: 1697"] I also do not have a shingle- altho I have some pretty good PTSD of my own. I know for me, how it strikes me when someone tells me how strong I am, I want to scream. I am NOT all as strong as anyone might think. Not even close. I did not choose those things to happen, did not choose to have my dad hold a gun to my head or my stepdad to molest me or my uncle, nor did I choose mom to send me to the streets not foster care, not someone elses house- but literally the streets) I did not choose to get Lupus and have 14 miscarriages, or to have such an ill husband and have to support us so many years. I was NOT trying to self improve. It hurts and I ached and people would tell me how strong I am to live thru it. Well, I did not have a lot of choice, unless I choose suicide. and I felt too chicken suicide might hurt. so- I HATED people to tell me I am strong. I hated that I would have to be strong to live thru those things. I would much rather then to have been weak and not have had Occupational Therapist (OT) live thru those things. If being weak meant I did not have to then let me be weak. To tell me of others have lived thru it or worse, that made me feel like I was a ninny, it made me feel like what I lived thru was being dismissed and minimized. Or that what I was dealing with did not matter. If I am supposed to be ok becuz others have faced worse, then am I not supposed to fight for better? Being a victim of both sex crimes and stalking and physical violence from people I was supposed to be able to trust made it VERY hard for me to trust. My husband had to work overtime to earn my trust. and even after 22 years, I still have days when I shreik at him as if he were one of the offenders from my past. There are still things I will not do, situations I still will not put myself in......this is not all bad. Some people call it "cautious" I imagine kt and wm have seen first hand that people can hurt you, people are not always what they seem.....and danger can and does lurk even in places that are supposed to be safe. Sure it gives the offenders power over them, but by trying to keep themself from being hurt more um..... Sorry I lost my train of thought. I think mostly it takes TIME. and better experiences......it is not the kind of lesson that can just be taught. I think it takes repeated and ongoing better experiences over time to grow the trust and to grow the idea that um.......that not everyone is going to hurt them. [/QUOTE]
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