Chapter 2

[KFld]

O.k. those of you who don't think I should be getting info from BFF Jill regarding ex's entertaining escapades, you don't have to read any further, but for those of you who were hoping that I would write a book, and there were a few who asked :reading: keep reading.

He called bff this morning to tell her that this girl is really falling for him, but she told him to wait and tell our easy child that he is dating her until next week because she may be moving out of the state really soon because she's terrified of ex-boyfriend and is always afraid he's going to come after her. He's had her over every night this week and they cook dinner together and he's so happy with this relationship. She made a comment about being afraid he's going to decide to go back to me and he told her he didn't see that happening because he's ready to move on. I guess he told her it's all up to him whether we get back together or not :rofl:

He bought tickets to his brothers class re-union which is tonight. I'm sure he bought them last week with the intention of walking in as a single person and looking to see who else was single that might want to hook up with him. I figured he'd make himself a name tag or something that says, hi I'm Dave and I'm single. He tells bff Jill today that this girl Lee that we all know will be there and he's sure she's going to be interested in him and he doesn't know what he'll do about that.

I think that is the funniest thing I have ever heard. I know Lee and she won't go near him with a 10 foot pole when she finds out we're seperated. She's been through enough bad relationships herself and would never want to get involved in this drama. It also kills me that he's so happy with this new relationship, but he doesn't know what he's going to do if Lee is interested. Gee, I wonder if he's told his flavor of the month, or maybe I should start calling it week, that he's really happy with her, but he's leaving his options open incase something better comes along.

I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. I'm sorry guys, but I just can't stop listening to all of this from BFF. I don't tell anyone else but you guys, because frankly I would be embarassed to tell anyone who knows both of us this stuff. Well, I do tell my counselor some of it, but she helps me deal with it. Plus I know you guys can't tell him what BFF is telling me. :surprise:

 

[Fran]

Karen, I must admit it's somewhat funny if it wasn't so sad and so true. You really couldn't make this up except in a sitcom with a laugh track.
The longer his behavior is obvious the more brilliant you look for getting out.

 

[KFld]

I think maybe that is why I listen to all of it. I want to make sure in a moment of weakness, if I'm feeling sorry for myself, I have all of this stored in the back of my head so I can remind myself just how nuts I am for feeling sorry for myself. I have nothing to feel sorry for, but more and more to be thankful for that I've gotten out of.

 

[susiestar]

Karen,

Are you going to use this as a pilot to a sitcom? A novel? A steamy harlequin romance? This is really to absurd to be something invented. What on earth is going through this man's head?????

Glad the stories reinforce how wonderful life is without him!!!

Susie

 

[busywend]

He is bonkers!!!! :hammer:

Crazy I tell ya! :crazy:

He needs help! :doctor:

Or maybe this! :future:

You just keep hanging in there. Just enjoy your new found peace.

 

[Marguerite]

"I love you forever... for now."

He needs a variation on the dyslexic kid's t-shirt - "I love you with all my heart, there can never be anyone el... hi gorgeous, are you doing anything tonight?"

I think that's been his way of life for all his life, Karen.

Have you seen Shrek III yet? I haven't seen it, but I've seen the promo, where Puss is chatting up all the kittens on the dock.

I mean, if you think about it - Donkey, Dragon, Shrek & Fiona all got married before the second film. Puss will never get married off. Nobody would ever believe it.

I'm glad Jill's revelations are keeping your resolve strong. Just try to not sound too interested; unless it is to have a good laugh. The last thing you need is for him to think he can worm his way back in. I suspect he could be very persuasive, especially if you were in a vulnerable moment.

Chapter 2, huh? I'm thinking it's maybe further along than Ch 2. That was perhaps him agreeing to see your counsellor. Maybe Ch 5 by now? Of course, we don't know how many chapters in the book yet.

Marg

 

[KFld]

I make sure to never sound interested in anything he says to me anymore.
I stopped by the house to get the mail last night and he was all decked out to go to the pre-reunion party. He never told me he was going, but Jill did. I walked in, spent a minute with the dog and never said a word about him being all dressed up or inquired about where he was going.

It really p'd me off though because the house was absoluteley spotless and I know it's because he's been having his flavor of the week over every night to cook dinner together. Amazing!! He never lifted a finger to help clean when I lived there. Guess it's different when it becomes your bachelor pad. Wonder what she thinks about the wedding and family pictures still all over the house??

I have to admit though that even though I don't miss him, it did make me a little homesick to be in my house for the first time in almost a week. I always loved my house, even though I hated being there lately because he was always there also. But, I'm sitting here looking around my apartment, that he isn't in, and I love my new home also. Guess I'll have to go do some more shopping today to make it even more comfy.

I miss my dog desperatley and I am going to go kidnap her for a few hours today and take her for a nice long walk. She was so excited to see me and I know it will cheer me up to spend some much needed time with someone who loves me unconditionally and not just until somebody better comes a long :smile:

 

[KFld]

By the way, when he does finally tell me that he's dating someone, I decided my reply is going to be, boy you dont' waste any time between relationships do you. Then again you had an affair at the time I needed you most, so why not have another one when I don't need you at all.

How does that sound???

 

[ScentofCedar]

Karen, I admire your strength and courage ~ and am sending more along for you.

You must just want to spit.

Wonder what will happen to husband once he gets it that this is not some game where the guy who scores the most points against the other person (in a public fashion ~ why else tell BFF) wins.

He just is not taking any of this seriously, is he?

It's still all about him.

Doesn't he get it that he is running with the cheaters and gameplayers now? Do you think it ever occurs to him to wonder how it is that none of them bear any responsibility for the failures of their relationships either?

You are doing the right thing, Karen.

I am sorry for the hurt of it ~ but this guy needs to learn how to be a real person.

And it's going to take a few good, hard knocks.

I am so sorry this is happening.

Barbara

 

[DammitJanet]

Good idea to have a handy comeback Karen.

I can sure understand missing the dog! I would be heartbroken if I had to leave my dog behind. To heck with the cheating spouse, the dog is more important...lol.

 

[PonyGirl]

I left my marital home in the divorce, too. Best thing I ever did. DEX continues to live there, still gives me the willies anytime I have to go over there for something for easy child.

I was bad homesick for the place only during the first Christmas away. Now, 12 years behind me, I can't stand to be inside of it for more than 5 minutes. Kinda sad in a way.

I agree it's a good idea to have a snappy comeback when he finally does tell you he's dating. I would shorten my response. "Oh, I see." short & not sweet. Just shut him down. But if he wants to discuss it further, then I'd give him your line about not being surprised.

Detachment....a skill we can use on others as well as difficult children!!
:warrior:
Peace

 

[KFld]

Another response I was thinking of is, I know, somebody saw you out together the day after I moved out. This way he can realize that I knew about it and it didn't bother me enough to confront him about it or let him know I already knew. I think that would eat him up even more. He did tell Jill that he took her to a restaraunt in town and somebody we know saw him there, so maybe that's a better comeback.

 

[DDD]

I would do a shortened version but that is me. "Good for you."
"How nice." or "Have fun." One of those would be all I would
say. I wouldn't let him engage me in conversation. DDD

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

Karen,

You need some schoolin'.

You cannot shame him. Remember, he does not think he did anything wrong. Your comeback of "you sure move quick" or that he was seen the day after you moved out...it reeks of jealousy and desperation. Sorry, but it does.

Get your mail transferred to your new place and stop going over to the old one. If BFF Jill won't tell husband to stop blabbing to her, tell her to stop dishing the goods to you.

Yes, it sounds like a sit-com, the way he is acting. But you are sounding like a teenager, looking for us to agree with you at what a moron he is.

He was a huge part of your life for a long time, and the way he is behaving now is inexplicable and inexcusable. Your mommy heart is being torn to pieces over his blatant disregard for easy child. He is not in his right mind. He made one huge mistake that he got caught in, and is doing backflips to cover it. Yes, he looks like a complete knob.

If he decides to tell you of his follies, try one of these. You might say "ah, that's a shame. I heard she was a nice girl too." Or you could look at him with contempt and laugh cruelly, as though you do not believe him. Best yet, say "You are dating someONE? Just ONE, huh..." And walk away before he has a chance to respond.

Otherwise, just say "that's nice" and walk away. Make it obvious that you have no interest in hearing about it.

Because you don't. Do not let this become your obsession.

(((hugs)))

 

[TerryJ2]

I vote for "That's nice," and walk away.
Why can't you have the dog live with-you? Apt rules?

 

[KFld]

Yes, it's apartment rules that I can't have the dog. My brother in law owns the building though so he doesn't care if I have her here once in awhile. I just won't leave her home by herself because she's not a barker, but I don't ever want her barking while I'm gone and the other tenants getting upset.

I was actually going to take her over night last night, but it was down pouring and I didn't want to have to take her out and walk her in the nasty weather. She has a fenced in yard at home.

I have her here now and she's inspecting :smile:

 

[susiestar]

Can you have hte dog at your apt? If you pay pet deposit maybe? It would be worth is to be able to stop seeing the idiotex and know your babydog is OK.

Susie

 

[jbrain]

Hey Karen,
I vote for the "that's nice" type of response--said in a bored, not caring sort of way and then walking away or chatting about something insignificant. I think it is better to give him the impression that it really doesn't matter to you one way or another than to show any distress or interest or even disdain. Any emotion at all shows you are still involved. Just my 2 cents...
Jane

 

[busywend]

THIS IS WHAT IS/WAS MISSING IN YOUR MARRIAGE

<span style='font-family: Arial Black'><span style="color: #CC0000">COMMUNICATION</span></span>

IF YOU ARE TRULY DONE, YOUR RESPONSE DOES NOT MATTER. BUT, IF THERE IS THE SLIGHTEST CHANCE YOU WANT THIS TO WORK, YOU NEED TO TELL HIM HOW IT FEELS TO KNOW HE IS DATING.

Sorry, had to get that one out.

 

[KFld]

You know what, it to know he's dating. The entire thing . He had an affair when my mother was dyeing and less then 2 months later he is in another relationship. This just goes to show how much 27 years of marriage meant to him that he can't even take the time to deal with what happened before he moves on to the next relationship.

As far as I am concerned there is no chance. I have no desire to be with him. The thought of it makes me sick, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me and doesn't make me so angry I want to call him up and scream at him. I don't want him to know how angry it makes me. I don't want him to know that it hurts. I can't even believe this is the type of person he has turned out to be after all these years.

Yes, I guess a big part of what was missing in our relationship was communication, because I had no idea he was unhappy enough to be out having an affair.

There are days that I feel o.k. There are days that I go on with my day and tell myself that I'm o.k. and I am strong and I can get throug this and be a strong independant person. And then there are nights like tonight that I still can't believe this is where my last 30 years of my life has ended.

I know some of you don't understand why I need to know what he is doing, but I just do. His behavior is unacceptable and sickening, yet there are days that I blame myself and wonder if anything could ever change. I guess those are the days like today that I am lonely. I need to be reminded of what an idiot he is because I don't want to make a fool out of myself by giving into my feelings of being lonely and do something without thinking. I think if I didn't know all of these things he is doing I could be convinced by him that he's really sitting home missing me and doing whatever it takes to win me back. I can't let myself do that.

I guess today just hasn't been a very good day.