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Cherishing Relationships, Cultivating Love
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 671640" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Maybe this is one answer to cherishing our relationships, discovering and recognizing the differences between ourselves and our mates, and continuing to fuel the fires of passion. Hard enough to do without challenges. With the challenges of dealing with the complexities of d cs.</p><p>Whoa.</p><p></p><p>No matter where we are in our relationship with our children, we shan't forget to rekindle our love and passion for our mates. It is essential to cherishing. To not view each other just as an old comfortable pair of house slippers. To not take for granted one another.To view our mate as Copa put it "As if you were an anthropologist entering a new tribe and trying to decipher their customs and language. To "study them like a fascinating, marvelous being from some other world."</p><p>And for those parents who are single, make that study of yourselves, as a fascinating, marvelous being.</p><p>For those who have younger or other older children aside from adult d cs, make them the focus of the study, a fascinating, marvelous being.</p><p></p><p>There is so much magic to that statement. Thank you Copa.</p><p></p><p>Hawaiian Husband Anthropological Study 101</p><p></p><p>Hubs is a very reserved man, he does not make idle talk. I have often wrestled with this, the not talking.</p><p>Favorite saying 'talk is cheap".</p><p>A story from hubs older cousin who was raised by his grandparents, reveals that his grandfather rarely spoke. He was a hard working man, who was charged with the upkeep and cultivation of the family land. He would work the land from sunrise to sunset. Tutu Man would grow peanuts, sweet potato, taro, banana, chili pepper, all sorts of edibles and flowers.</p><p>The Hawaiian word for land is "aina" which literally means "that which feeds."</p><p>That which feeds.</p><p>Provides.</p><p></p><p>Provider. That is my hubs. He takes his charge very seriously, to provide for his family.</p><p>His childhood was very difficult. He wanted better for his children. His children's, children.</p><p></p><p>Hawaiian grandparents of long ago, traditionally took in their first born grandchildren and raised them as their own.</p><p>The idea to this day of caring in the home for grandchildren is still in practice. The thought of not caring for them......foreign. Many Hawaiian families live together in a multi-generational setting.</p><p></p><p>Our family.</p><p>In a nutshell...or coconut shell?</p><p>Struggled for many years with our d cs and grands coming and going. We took them in at one time or another, eventually were given temporary custody for about six months when they were very young. Three grans, two in diapers. CPS involvement. The agency somehow finagled that we received NO support, no food stamps, no help, and on top of that, had to take them for sessions to meet with their parents. We ran through our savings. My youngest daughter was in middle school, son in elementary. The ultimate goal of CPS was to reunite the family, grans back with their parents. This happened. The parents relationship is intensely chaotic and crazy. No stability. Our grans reflect that in every way. It is heart wrenching.</p><p></p><p>The toll this took on our family, in particular, the hubs, was immense. My young son, spent the better part of his life going, growing through all of this.</p><p></p><p>The cultural expectation to continue to "help" hung over us.</p><p></p><p>I realized first the need to detach. Hubs was a reluctant participant. It was a very difficult concept to grasp for both of us, more so for him.</p><p></p><p>Here we are 11 long years after, recently detached (three months) raising our teenaged son and trying to rebuild the shambles of our relationship from years of dealing with the turmoil of our d cs.</p><p></p><p>Cultivating Love.</p><p></p><p>Cultivating.</p><p><span style="font-size: 22px"><strong>cultivate</strong></span></p><p>verb (used with object), cultivated,cultivating.</p><p>1.to prepare and work on (land) in order to raise crops; till.</p><p>2.to use a <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cultivator" target="_blank">cultivator</a> on.</p><p>3.to promote or improve the growth of (a plant,crop, etc.) by labor and attention.</p><p>4.to produce by culture: to cultivate a strain of bacteria.</p><p>5.to develop or improve by education or training;train; refine:</p><p>to cultivate a singing voice.</p><p>6.to promote the growth or development of (an art,science, etc.); foster.</p><p>7.to devote oneself to (an art, science, etc.).</p><p>8.to seek to promote or foster (friendship, love,etc.).</p><p>9.to seek the acquaintance or friendship of (a person).</p><p></p><p>1610-20; < Medieval Latin cultīvātus (past participle of cultīvāre to till), equivalent to cultīv (us) ( Latin cult(us), past participle of colere to care for, till (cf. <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cult" target="_blank">cult</a> ) + -īvus <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/-ive" target="_blank">-ive</a> ) + -ātus <a href="http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/-ate" target="_blank">-ate</a>1</p><p></p><p>I like the idea of looking at cultivating love</p><p></p><p>along the same lines of planting, growing, creating a garden.</p><p></p><p>Gardening is hard work as is maintaining, cherishing relationships.</p><p></p><p>It is a great analogy and fits with the idea of anthropological study of my husband through the eyes of his culture.</p><p><img src="http://kukuiula.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/farm-kauai.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I will continue to contemplate this, and write more later</p><p>But first to sleep.</p><p></p><p>Goodnight, or shall I say, good morning to you all.</p><p></p><p>La'i ("Lah-ee") leaf</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 671640, member: 19522"] Maybe this is one answer to cherishing our relationships, discovering and recognizing the differences between ourselves and our mates, and continuing to fuel the fires of passion. Hard enough to do without challenges. With the challenges of dealing with the complexities of d cs. Whoa. No matter where we are in our relationship with our children, we shan't forget to rekindle our love and passion for our mates. It is essential to cherishing. To not view each other just as an old comfortable pair of house slippers. To not take for granted one another.To view our mate as Copa put it "As if you were an anthropologist entering a new tribe and trying to decipher their customs and language. To "study them like a fascinating, marvelous being from some other world." And for those parents who are single, make that study of yourselves, as a fascinating, marvelous being. For those who have younger or other older children aside from adult d cs, make them the focus of the study, a fascinating, marvelous being. There is so much magic to that statement. Thank you Copa. Hawaiian Husband Anthropological Study 101 Hubs is a very reserved man, he does not make idle talk. I have often wrestled with this, the not talking. Favorite saying 'talk is cheap". A story from hubs older cousin who was raised by his grandparents, reveals that his grandfather rarely spoke. He was a hard working man, who was charged with the upkeep and cultivation of the family land. He would work the land from sunrise to sunset. Tutu Man would grow peanuts, sweet potato, taro, banana, chili pepper, all sorts of edibles and flowers. The Hawaiian word for land is "aina" which literally means "that which feeds." That which feeds. Provides. Provider. That is my hubs. He takes his charge very seriously, to provide for his family. His childhood was very difficult. He wanted better for his children. His children's, children. Hawaiian grandparents of long ago, traditionally took in their first born grandchildren and raised them as their own. The idea to this day of caring in the home for grandchildren is still in practice. The thought of not caring for them......foreign. Many Hawaiian families live together in a multi-generational setting. Our family. In a nutshell...or coconut shell? Struggled for many years with our d cs and grands coming and going. We took them in at one time or another, eventually were given temporary custody for about six months when they were very young. Three grans, two in diapers. CPS involvement. The agency somehow finagled that we received NO support, no food stamps, no help, and on top of that, had to take them for sessions to meet with their parents. We ran through our savings. My youngest daughter was in middle school, son in elementary. The ultimate goal of CPS was to reunite the family, grans back with their parents. This happened. The parents relationship is intensely chaotic and crazy. No stability. Our grans reflect that in every way. It is heart wrenching. The toll this took on our family, in particular, the hubs, was immense. My young son, spent the better part of his life going, growing through all of this. The cultural expectation to continue to "help" hung over us. I realized first the need to detach. Hubs was a reluctant participant. It was a very difficult concept to grasp for both of us, more so for him. Here we are 11 long years after, recently detached (three months) raising our teenaged son and trying to rebuild the shambles of our relationship from years of dealing with the turmoil of our d cs. Cultivating Love. Cultivating. [SIZE=6][B]cultivate[/B][/SIZE] verb (used with object), cultivated,cultivating. 1.to prepare and work on (land) in order to raise crops; till. 2.to use a [URL='http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cultivator']cultivator[/URL] on. 3.to promote or improve the growth of (a plant,crop, etc.) by labor and attention. 4.to produce by culture: to cultivate a strain of bacteria. 5.to develop or improve by education or training;train; refine: to cultivate a singing voice. 6.to promote the growth or development of (an art,science, etc.); foster. 7.to devote oneself to (an art, science, etc.). 8.to seek to promote or foster (friendship, love,etc.). 9.to seek the acquaintance or friendship of (a person). 1610-20; < Medieval Latin cultīvātus (past participle of cultīvāre to till), equivalent to cultīv (us) ( Latin cult(us), past participle of colere to care for, till (cf. [URL='http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cult']cult[/URL] ) + -īvus [URL='http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/-ive']-ive[/URL] ) + -ātus [URL='http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/-ate']-ate[/URL]1 I like the idea of looking at cultivating love along the same lines of planting, growing, creating a garden. Gardening is hard work as is maintaining, cherishing relationships. It is a great analogy and fits with the idea of anthropological study of my husband through the eyes of his culture. [IMG]http://kukuiula.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/farm-kauai.jpg[/IMG] I will continue to contemplate this, and write more later But first to sleep. Goodnight, or shall I say, good morning to you all. La'i ("Lah-ee") leaf leafy [/QUOTE]
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