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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 671682" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>This sister is the oldest girl.</p><p></p><p>M was the most successful of the siblings because of his intelligence, willingness to go far and wide, take risks, and extreme hard work.</p><p></p><p>This sister has a lazy husband. He is also extreme risk averse. He has provided for his family. That is it. The children, all girls, want things, but do not want to work. Their lives are centered around children and home as was their mother's.</p><p></p><p>M was the older brother who took the place of his father with the younger children. He and his brother a year older who died. He was an authority figure. All through their lives the children turned to M for help and to solve problems.</p><p></p><p>There is resentment, I think, of his success, and I fear, a bit of dancing around his current vulnerability.</p><p></p><p>I do not think they ever thought he would end up with somebody like me. I am completely outside of the mold. Like some newly discovered species. M's sister also said this about me: You are high maintenance and difficult. Of course I set it up, giving her the opening. But it was interesting nonetheless.</p><p></p><p>M would not like it at all that she said that. </p><p></p><p>There is some competition I think about deserving. Who deserves more or less. Entitlement and not getting it. I think they all feel underneath that they are the entitled one. That M and I are undeserving of what <em><strong>they</strong></em> should rightfully have. Like in our families.</p><p></p><p>Remember how another sister maneuvered to get her name on the family home, excluding all of the other siblings, putting at extreme risk her mother?</p><p></p><p>While she is the worst of the bunch there is some of that in some of the others. At the same time, they were all taught by M's mother to care for, protect and to look out for the interests of the others, and to above all, to forgive. </p><p></p><p>As I see it, M learned best the lesson.</p><p></p><p>To call M weak and to call me high maintenance or a lot of trouble or difficult is really a bit much. I am more tickled by it than weakened and I am not sure what she meant. Whether she was talking about the self-indulgence of staying in bed. Or the independence and self-sufficiency.</p><p></p><p>It stings more about M, but not much, because it is not true. What M is, I think, is an arrogant and powerful man, broken and humbled. That is not such a bad thing. As Cedar has taught me.</p><p></p><p>M's sister is speaking from a very limited understanding of character and of life itself. And that is always what M has told me about this sister. That she does not mean ill, but can damage nonetheless. Like all of us, she views life from the lens of her own experience and interests. And she has the confidence that comes from having not been tested. Confidence from ignorance.</p><p></p><p>She has never worked. Her world has been her husband and children. And her siblings and parents. It is like we had lived our whole life long in our FOO and saw life only through its prism.</p><p></p><p>I have to go. She will arrive at 11 and I want to do something before then. </p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 671682, member: 18958"] This sister is the oldest girl. M was the most successful of the siblings because of his intelligence, willingness to go far and wide, take risks, and extreme hard work. This sister has a lazy husband. He is also extreme risk averse. He has provided for his family. That is it. The children, all girls, want things, but do not want to work. Their lives are centered around children and home as was their mother's. M was the older brother who took the place of his father with the younger children. He and his brother a year older who died. He was an authority figure. All through their lives the children turned to M for help and to solve problems. There is resentment, I think, of his success, and I fear, a bit of dancing around his current vulnerability. I do not think they ever thought he would end up with somebody like me. I am completely outside of the mold. Like some newly discovered species. M's sister also said this about me: You are high maintenance and difficult. Of course I set it up, giving her the opening. But it was interesting nonetheless. M would not like it at all that she said that. There is some competition I think about deserving. Who deserves more or less. Entitlement and not getting it. I think they all feel underneath that they are the entitled one. That M and I are undeserving of what [I][B]they[/B][/I] should rightfully have. Like in our families. Remember how another sister maneuvered to get her name on the family home, excluding all of the other siblings, putting at extreme risk her mother? While she is the worst of the bunch there is some of that in some of the others. At the same time, they were all taught by M's mother to care for, protect and to look out for the interests of the others, and to above all, to forgive. As I see it, M learned best the lesson. To call M weak and to call me high maintenance or a lot of trouble or difficult is really a bit much. I am more tickled by it than weakened and I am not sure what she meant. Whether she was talking about the self-indulgence of staying in bed. Or the independence and self-sufficiency. It stings more about M, but not much, because it is not true. What M is, I think, is an arrogant and powerful man, broken and humbled. That is not such a bad thing. As Cedar has taught me. M's sister is speaking from a very limited understanding of character and of life itself. And that is always what M has told me about this sister. That she does not mean ill, but can damage nonetheless. Like all of us, she views life from the lens of her own experience and interests. And she has the confidence that comes from having not been tested. Confidence from ignorance. She has never worked. Her world has been her husband and children. And her siblings and parents. It is like we had lived our whole life long in our FOO and saw life only through its prism. I have to go. She will arrive at 11 and I want to do something before then. COPA [/QUOTE]
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