tiredmommy
Well-Known Member
{{{PatriotsGirl}}}
Child envy
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Marguerite
Active Member
We did not have the prom with difficult child 1 and we won't with difficult child 3. The correspondence school does not have proms. difficult child 1 was attending a mainstream school and was in his final year there, almost finished his final year there, when we pulled him out to correspondence instead. That immediately cut him off from the planned prom for his school. We could have insisted on him being included but it would have been a big fight and frankly, difficult child 1 did not want to go to the prom anyway.
easy child 2/difficult child 2 got two proms - her first one, she had no boyfriend so she went with her girlfriends. The second one was the prom for her first boyfriend's school (he was a year behind her). She wore the same prom dress (different school - who would know? It was her own design anyway) and looked lovely. But she was unable to fully enjoy it all because she was cast in a TV mini-series which was to begin filming early next day, two hours away! So she had to have an early night, on prom night!
easy child had broken up with her boyfriend just before her prom. (We call them "school formals" here). She had bought the tickets for both, and was going to not go at all (and waste the money) but we finally persuaded her to go with the rather dashing slightly older son of my best friend. He was a hit with her friends and she had a wonderful night. Then she got back with her boyfriend and a few years later they married. I think in a way they regret not having their prom night together. He did not go to his school formal either.
Sometimes it just doesn't work out. There will often be other big events. After all, each individual's life is full of its own special one-off events. The first smile, the first tooth, the first steps. Then the first time they leave him, the first serious love affair. The first grandchild. What happens in each life is up to the individual, we don't own what happens to them. We just want to share it. But we can't, and shouldn't, feel a need to direct or control events so they in some way match the events in other people's lives.
difficult child 1 would have not enjoyed going to a prom. It would have been torture for him. Even his wedding day was, in some respects, challenging for him. It was also challenging for his bride - she was not well and has always felt very uncomfortable being the centre of attention.
Perhaps it is more important to know that your child has reached that stage where children do go to their first prom. Actually attending is not so important as simply knowing that the milestone has been reached. Or is this concept too heretical?
Marg
easy child 2/difficult child 2 got two proms - her first one, she had no boyfriend so she went with her girlfriends. The second one was the prom for her first boyfriend's school (he was a year behind her). She wore the same prom dress (different school - who would know? It was her own design anyway) and looked lovely. But she was unable to fully enjoy it all because she was cast in a TV mini-series which was to begin filming early next day, two hours away! So she had to have an early night, on prom night!
easy child had broken up with her boyfriend just before her prom. (We call them "school formals" here). She had bought the tickets for both, and was going to not go at all (and waste the money) but we finally persuaded her to go with the rather dashing slightly older son of my best friend. He was a hit with her friends and she had a wonderful night. Then she got back with her boyfriend and a few years later they married. I think in a way they regret not having their prom night together. He did not go to his school formal either.
Sometimes it just doesn't work out. There will often be other big events. After all, each individual's life is full of its own special one-off events. The first smile, the first tooth, the first steps. Then the first time they leave him, the first serious love affair. The first grandchild. What happens in each life is up to the individual, we don't own what happens to them. We just want to share it. But we can't, and shouldn't, feel a need to direct or control events so they in some way match the events in other people's lives.
difficult child 1 would have not enjoyed going to a prom. It would have been torture for him. Even his wedding day was, in some respects, challenging for him. It was also challenging for his bride - she was not well and has always felt very uncomfortable being the centre of attention.
Perhaps it is more important to know that your child has reached that stage where children do go to their first prom. Actually attending is not so important as simply knowing that the milestone has been reached. Or is this concept too heretical?
Marg
Malika
Well-Known Member
At least I won't face that problem - there are no school proms or their equivalents, here or in the UK! Graduation from university is celebrated in quite a big way, I suppose.
It seems to me there is a real grieving with having a "different" child.... the life he/she is going to lead and the life the parents will lead is not going to be the standard one. It's not going to be the norm. It is, maybe, the road less travelled (cf Robert Frost and M. Scott Peck!). There is a beauty and a richness to be found along that road - I really do believe and experience that sometimes, it's not just hollow words - but, being human, of course we do wish that the difficult things could be different.
I feel there is such strength and courage in many of the people who post here - that in itself is inspiring.
It seems to me there is a real grieving with having a "different" child.... the life he/she is going to lead and the life the parents will lead is not going to be the standard one. It's not going to be the norm. It is, maybe, the road less travelled (cf Robert Frost and M. Scott Peck!). There is a beauty and a richness to be found along that road - I really do believe and experience that sometimes, it's not just hollow words - but, being human, of course we do wish that the difficult things could be different.
I feel there is such strength and courage in many of the people who post here - that in itself is inspiring.
