'Child explotation' paid off - difficult child just made my day!

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by SuZir, Aug 8, 2013.

  1. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Got an awesome call from difficult child, though would have maybe preferred it in writing, so I could have framed it and hang it to my kitchen wall.

    difficult child thanked me on making him do chores when younger! Tee hee hee! This is from the kid who used to fight tooth and nail for most of his chores, accuse us of child exploitation, laziness and what not because he had to do house work "more than any kid in the planet", because I and husband "were too lazy to do our work ourselves." Just two short weeks living with the kid, who has mostly escaped chores, and household skills, till his early twenties has made him to see the light in the matter. I doubt he still understands that we used at least the triple the time and effort to teach and make him to do the chores than it would have taken to do them ourselves, but he certainly has noticed that he did gain some valuable skills from them. Of course living on his own for 2,5 years has taught him more, but noticing how clueless one can be, if not taught at home has been eye-opening experience.

    His roommate don't know how to clean, cook, do laundry, put together an Ikea furniture or how to pick after himself. At home they had a maid to do those things and at college there apparently were girls who wanted party invitations or whatever and 'helped' him with laundry and stuff or he used laundry service. And mom came and cleaned the dorm room at spring. Living in small European city with much less available services and no healthy take-away options is a shock for him. And difficult child is equally flabbergasted.

    I told difficult child to do me a favour and metion it to easy child. And if he feels like spreading the wealth, he would make his aunts and uncles very happy by telling some stories and sharing this new found wisdom to his younger cousins.

    But really, tee hee hee! I doubt my little whelp has any idea how many brownie points he just scored :bigsmile:
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Way to go! :warrior:
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    The room-mate can't even assemble IKEA furniture? Really?
    I fight with difficult child (well, OK, both kids... they are quite "normal" that way) about house chores.
    He really doesn't like "clean-up" stuff.
    But... assembly, fixing, moving, or dis-assembly of stuff? Line it up, he's more than happy. :) I can't imagine a guy who can't at least do the "guy stuff"!
    I did convince him, though, that he really did have to learn to cook because someday he was going to be on his own. He knows enough now that he can eat fairly healthy and reasonably cheap without too much effort.
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    According to difficult child no. Could of course also be a question of 'won't' instead of 'can't.' I know difficult child's contract states a pre-furnished apartment including this and that. Same is probably true with room mate. When they got there, few furniture were still lacking. After few days they got few IKEA packages and difficult child put them together. Either room mate didn't know how to do it, or he didn't want to do it, because technically it wasn't what contract said. That kind of small things may feel big, when you are alone, far away from home first time.

    But difficult child's interpretation anyway was, that room mate had never assembled anything before and didn't even really know how to read IKEA idiot-proofed instructions. (Though the boy isn't an idiot, he has his degree from very highly esteemed college, one in which even the jocks have to do extremely well at school too.)

    My difficult child has also always enjoyed putting stuff together and taking it apart. Enjoyed it much more than I would have hoped for in fact (he didn't always ask permission first, neither it always worked quite right in the first time. I don't miss his experimentations for example with my blow dryer... ) Cleaning up, not so much, at least before he moved into his own. He has turned almost a neat freak lately. He moved out three years before we expected so he wasn't too motivated to learn household skills yet, when we taught them to him. Not even cooking even though for someone with his calorie consumption, income level and need for nutritious eating knowing how to cook is extremely important. So it was always a fight. But he did learn and I'm happy he has learned to appreciate that.
  5. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sometimes the most confident seeming young men don't attempt to learn new skills for fear they will fail and become the subject of teasing. I've lived thru that silly syndrome. Youthful egos can lead to weird decisions. LOL! Glad your son is adjusting well. Hugs DDD
  6. Mattsmom277

    Mattsmom277 Active Member

    Sounds like he is adjusting well once again. As for roommate, what a shame he hasn't been taught those skills.

    I tried with Matt. He left home at 18, still ever the massive slob. He left a trail of destruction in his wake throughout the house, his room? Nasty nasty nasty. He didn't know from housework, let alone compiling a meal that didn't come in a box labelled "chicken nuggets" and a bag of frozen fries. I had serious worries about him leaving home.

    Instead, he cleans, he cooks (and well!) and takes good care of himself and his home. It's funny how it does cross into their psyche over the years but only surfaces when it really is needed.

  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I always love it when a kid finally reaches an age where the light bulb moments start occurring. lol
  8. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Wow it must feel great that a kid verbally said they appreciated what you did!!! (and you didn't even have to fork out bail money) I'm laughing picturing my kids faces when I tell them they need to clean something because they need the education LOL.

    How does that old saying go? Give a man a fish feed him today, teach a man to fish feed him for life...
    I say "make the man clean that fish himself and the tight fisted SOB will pry open his wallet and order a pizza" :bigsmile:
  9. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    It really is funny that all those things you have to fight with them (mine was a real slob too at home) when they are still home start to make sense to them, when they are on their own. :bigsmile:

    His adjustment to new surroundings really seems to have begun well. From the sound of it he is heavily coached on the room mate issues by his sport psychiatric and difficult child is trying hard to do what he advises to. I can well understand difficult child turning to his sport psychiatric for help in that. He was rather nervous about sharing a flat with other player when making this deal. He did share a flat first when he moved to his former team and it really didn't work out and apparently difficult child has understood it wasn't just about other boys being jerks. His sport psychiatric is very familiar with 'guy world' having background both in military and in his own sport career and is probably the most apt person to guide difficult child through this experience.

    How difficult child really will adjust is something only time will tell. Beginning is easy. He tries his very best, everyone else is trying to give good impression on themselves, difficult child is only getting to know his coaches, tries to please, coaches, if there are problems, try to solve them with positive methods still etc. It will be late November, early December when they are playing all the time, everyone is exhausted, they hit the loosing streak and everyone gets agitated, difficult child either has friends and feels safe and comfortable with the team or not, feels safe enough to sleep in the team bus or will be lacking sleep, difficult child is homesick, coaches are tired and start snapping even when not necessary and so on. That is when difficult child either falls apart or has adjusted well enough to make it through.

    DDD, you may be onto something with room mate's unwillingness to deal with IKEA furniture. He really seemed rather dominating 'alpha male' type of the guy and if he is still stuck with some High School thinking patterns, he will likely think difficult child basically has a word 'LOSER' tattooed to his forehead. Admitting you don't know something in front of someone who you consider inferior isn't easy for the ego. It will be interesting to see how these two will do together. Hopefully it will turn to iron sharpens iron-scenario.