Children's humour

[Malika]

This is a bit of a lighter subject. We are allowed to have some things to lighten the load, I reckon
Following on from the discussion about humour, I have been trying to notice what my son finds funny. He is about as quick to laugh as he is to cry (that is to say very quick in both directions!) so this is not hard. The thing he seems to find funniest of all is when I PRETEND that I am doing something horrible or something he does not want. For example, his absolute favourite story is "Jack the Giant Killer" and this is de rigueur every night at bedtime. Well, tonight I announced before bedtime "Sorry, J, I've thrown the book away - you don't mind, do you?" This had him in absolute fits of delighted giggles. Or... when we play hide and seek, he finds it hilarious when I am pretending I cannot find him (this is more typical of a younger child, perhaps?)
I do find that enlisting J's sense of humour is one of the best discipline tools with him. Making something "fun" makes him want to do it... whatever it is.

 

[Hound dog]

Travis has an unusual sense of humor. When he was young, I rarely got it......as often it was hard to see what he thought was funny. Now that he's older, it's better, although like with the funny story he told me last night......sometimes I still don't get it. lol For a long time Travis didn't get humor. For a long time he'd practice trying to make jokes......which didn't work. But every once in a while he'll come off with a really good one and make our sides ache.

 

[Liahona]

Having 3 boys with autism in the house (not counting husband) can be very interesting when it comes to humor. One will say something random like 'chair' and the other 2 will fall over laughing. Then someone else will say 'table'. Again lots of laughter. Eventually it gets sillier like 'talking chair' or 'walking table'. Then they are just rolling. Its funny to watch and I'm glad they have each other to laugh with.

 

[Marguerite]

Malika, you have a bright son there. He also has great faith in you. He laughs, because he knows it is not true but he is enjoying the "let's pretend". It is actually very good, because it allows him to explore a possible distressing scenario and not be upset by the thought of it. Even if he knew it was not true, it was not a game I could easily play with difficult child 3, when he was younger. Even now, he needs help to know if someone is joking.

On tat front - often people with autism in whatever form have what is called "flat affect". A lack of facial expression, or lack of tone in the voice. husband (we think he's Aspie) has had to learn that when he tells a joke, he has to smile. Otherwise he would make the occasional smart remark with a deadpan face, and people would look at him oddly - surely he wasn't serious? Even good comedians who play it deadpan, usually give away that it is a joke, in some subtle way.

Interestingly - we have a neighbour (and former good friend of mine - I avoid the guy now, he's a sociopath) who is an entertainer. His performance involves a lot of comedy, he has a fount of jokes. His interactions with people he is trying to impress usually involve a comedy routine. He believes himself to be the best at everything, especially entertaining and comedy. Well, one day he was visiting and trading jokes with difficult child 1. Most of the jokes were puns, but there were some chances for difficult child 1 to draw on his encyclopedic knowledge of quotes and quips from countless TV shows, movies and books. As we watched, the comedian neighbour was floundering more and more. At first he was enjoying the exchange, confident he would have the last quip. But then he ran out of material and began repeating himself. I finally had to send difficult child 1 out of the room!

This encyclopedic memory is an interesting asset. difficult child 3 is not socially very capable. He also was tormented at school on a daily basis, and then again in the streets around our home. But he learned to copy what he heard (not all of it good). We worked to teach him to not be inappropriate but he is always inventive, using what resources he has available. One day he came back from a trip to the library and reported a victory - on his way there, the local bully had chased him. difficult child 3 just shouted over his shoulder to the bully, "I'm very busy right now. I'll come back and ignore you later, OK?"
He told me the expression comes from a computer game, but it clearly was NOT what the bully expected! It was one of the last times that kid ever bothered difficult child 3. One last punch when I went round to the boy's house and sorted things out, said it's time for it all to stop. And since then, the bully has become, if not a friend, then a sometime rescuer of difficult child 3 when younger kids have begun to hassle him.

Marg

 

[HaoZi]

Humor is always helpful, and it helps bonding, too. Around here, we're both klutzes. If there's a piece of furniture, I guarantee at least one of us has hurt ourselves on it. Certain ones more often than others. And unless the injury is REALLY painful (think stubbing your toe while at any speed higher than a walk), what you tend to hear is something like "Hey, there's a table there. Hey, there's a wall there. Ouch, there's a couch there." This started when she got too tall to walk under the table but would forget and WHAM! "Honey... there's a table there." She wasn't too happy at the time, but it's become a running joke in our household (pardon the pun). Now it's a matter of who can say it first - the injured or the observer.

 

[Star*]

DF is the absolute KING of sideways humor and it saved our home many, many times from tragedy with Dudes temper. For example. Dude would be walking across the kitchen floor and slip on a throw rug. Instead of anyone laughing or Dude crying. DF would quickly get down on his hands and knees and inspect the floor and say "Good GOD BOY - With all your muscles I think you dented the dang floor." (gets down and looks to be sure Dude is okay) feels the floor - reaches out and feels Dudes muscles "Yes sir Mother I think you are going to have to remove those throw rugs, one more fall like that with those GUNS and we're liable to not have a kitchen floor!"

Dude would just smirk - I would remark "I see that." and Dude wouldn't get upset. Then we'd all get a good chuckle.

One time Dude went over the handlebars of his bike and broke off his front tooth.

Dude came home upset - and DF looked at him, knew he was upset and instead of freaking out he said

"HOW MANY TIMES have I told you to use your brakes to stop the bikes NOT your face." - his buddies chuckled and DF got a washcloth Then came out and handed him a set of Billy Bob teeth and said "Well you know we can't afford a dentist so here's the best I can do until your Mom gets home." - and then they BOTH sat there in fear of my return home. DF allowed Dude to ride his bike when his jaw was wired shut and he wasn't really supposed to be riding. -----so yeah. My kid anyway reacted lots better with humor and has an AWESOME sense of it.

 

[Malika]

(DF = Dear Father? Dear Friend as in boyfriend?)
Sounds like you had such a valuable asset there, Star...
Sometimes the humour is unintentional, of course. For ages our morning-time ritual has been that I get dressed first and then J; the ritual was originally devised as a means of getting round J's aversion to getting dressed in time to get to school (sound familiar to anyone?) and works because I always ask him the question: "Shall I get dressed first or you?" - giving him a choice and some measure of control is a way of getting him to do what he otherwise refuses... Of course he always replies "You first!"
Anyway, this morning I asked the question in time-honoured fashion. Who would get dressed first? This time he didn't answer straight away. He furrowed his brow deeply and announced: "I am going to THINK!" There ensued a suspenseful pause of some seconds while he reflected on this knotty problem. Then the answer struck. "You first!" he cried...

 

[timer lady]

Malika, humor was/is our number one tool for redirection when it comes to the tweedles. If I can get wm or kt to laugh away the negative escalation it's a wonderful outcome for me.

I learned that humor is very much an abstract higher form of reasoning/thinking. Your little one giggling with you over that story book is so sweet; he trusts you so that you would never throw that book away. What a good mum you've been.

 

[Malika]

Timer lady (what does your "screen name" refer to, I wonder?), your kind comment that I have been a good mum made me feel a certain heart-pang because I am not always (as earlier posts have demonstrated) a good one... My son's "difficult child-ness" - and he is frankly not as difficult as some - is sometimes more than my patience and stress thresholds seem able to deal with calmly and wisely... But I do need to deal with it, and learn to respond in a way that helps the situation rather than harm it further. One of the main reasons I come here.