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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 761435" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think this is a very lousy thing to do (the quote below). What does this mean? That the relationship between Son A and his parents is conditional on receiving money? That is sure what it sounds like.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't know what to tell you. I know of mothers that sneak off to see their kids, when either the father or the child has stopped the relationship. But I think that would put you in a demeaning position. Why should anybody sneak around? I guess I would say to ask yourself, if in your heart, you think that Son A's feelings about his father have merit. Was your husband a controlling, condescending or abusive father? Is it true what son A says, that his Dad "kicked him up the stairs?"</p><p></p><p>Why did Son A accept his father's help to do the remodeling, if this was the true nature of the relationship?</p><p></p><p>I guess I think that you and your husband need to be on the same page at least until you come to grips with how you feel. Why let an adult child separate a couple? Even if your husband has his limits, you are still married to him. If you do in fact think Son A's accusation are true, and you can understand what he says, then that is something to deal with directly with your husband. (If it is safe to do so.) If in fact he was so abusive and controlling, then you would need to confront it, first in your groups, and secondly in making decisions about your relationship. But I guess I believe that for now you and your husband need to be a united front with your son. And let Son A do what he wants.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you are in this tough spot.</p><p></p><p>I am curious what others will have to say.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 761435, member: 18958"] I think this is a very lousy thing to do (the quote below). What does this mean? That the relationship between Son A and his parents is conditional on receiving money? That is sure what it sounds like. I don't know what to tell you. I know of mothers that sneak off to see their kids, when either the father or the child has stopped the relationship. But I think that would put you in a demeaning position. Why should anybody sneak around? I guess I would say to ask yourself, if in your heart, you think that Son A's feelings about his father have merit. Was your husband a controlling, condescending or abusive father? Is it true what son A says, that his Dad "kicked him up the stairs?" Why did Son A accept his father's help to do the remodeling, if this was the true nature of the relationship? I guess I think that you and your husband need to be on the same page at least until you come to grips with how you feel. Why let an adult child separate a couple? Even if your husband has his limits, you are still married to him. If you do in fact think Son A's accusation are true, and you can understand what he says, then that is something to deal with directly with your husband. (If it is safe to do so.) If in fact he was so abusive and controlling, then you would need to confront it, first in your groups, and secondly in making decisions about your relationship. But I guess I believe that for now you and your husband need to be a united front with your son. And let Son A do what he wants. I am sorry you are in this tough spot. I am curious what others will have to say. [/QUOTE]
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