Circle of support for crazymama30

Mattsmom277

Active Member
Gigantic hugs from northern Ontario ... I hope the lack of a latest update means you are resting after a stressful day yesterday and that your husband is installed in a facility somewhere. (((hugs)))
 
I am so sorry...this just sounds like the ultimate nightmare. People in cubbyholes making chit chat decisions that have no impact on their lives but can put other peoples lives in grave danger and they dont even really care. Its just an 8 hour job to them. You might get through to one humane person once in a blue moon who really cares about what they are doing. Most are just phoning it in.

I really feel for you. I hope you find that one really caring person who gives a darn about you and their job.

I totally agree with what Janet said - So sad, so true!!! Praying you find that one decent human being that cares... Hugs... SFR
 

Andy

Active Member
Hugs from Minnesota! Sending strength to continue this extrememly hard journey. Once decisions are made life will get easier - the not knowing is so hard on the emotions! Take care of yourself - cry, sleep, eat, contemplate, plan, stand firm in whichever way this goes!
 

crazymama30

Active Member
Well weare in the town the facility is in, husband dragged his feet so before we left we got her too late to have him admiimitted last night so we had to get a motel. I am so broke I had to call my mom to pay for the motel over the phone. I really do not know what I would do without her. She is amazingly supportive but bot overbearing or snoopy.

I finally spoke to the insurance person yesterday and she was most helpful of anyone. She explained the deductible thing to me so that I understood it. It is a $500 per person deductible and a $3500 yearly deductible. After the insurance opays then we would owe about 5000. I asked about a sliding fee scale and was told they don't usually do th at for inpts or for people with insurance. I said not even if we get food stamps? (I have learned to b blubnt about that) and she put me on hold and came back and said if I could pay the $500 dollars by Friday (no problem, my flexible spending acct renewed) then they would waive the 500! Sure renewed my faith in the facility, and it was the insurance person.

So everyone else is still asleep....we went to bed about 1am. And I am really glad I got my new smart internet phone, though I do make lots of mistakes on the keyboard!
 

Mom2oddson

Active Member
I'm glad that they are going to waive most of the cost! Being blunt does help. When Steph was in the Phospital after her suicide attempt, we were blunt and they dismissed the whole amount under a charity clause that they had available. If we weren't blunt, we'd of had a huge bill.

Hope the admin part goes smoothly and that you have a safe drive home! Will keep you and husband in my prayers.
 

pepperidge

New Member
Hope you had a good drive home and that things went well with the admission.
You are truly a warrior mom/wife. Hope the admission brings you a few moments of peace and a sense that at least one thing is sort of off your plate, at least for the moment.
 

gcvmom

Here we go again!
Hopefully by now he's checked in and getting settled and you will be on your way back home soon. Sounds like things turned around finally -- thank God for moms like yours :)

Continuing prayers for healing and recovery for your husband and the rest of the family!
 

nvts

Active Member
Sorry CM that I'm so late on this...my heart is bleeding for you going through all of this...

we don't have a smiley for WarriorSpouse or I would have punched it a thousand times...

Beth
 

susiestar

Roll With It
Sorry I didn't post earlier - I somehow missed this thread. You are in my thoughts and prayers, the whole family is. I am glad you were blunt with them and that they will waive the $500 - ask the person to put it in writing or email it to you with her name so that if you have problems later then you can go back and say that this person authorized it and agreed to it - and prove it. I have learned that this is an important step that is easy to forget.

Many hugs and prayers - how are the kids handling things? Remember that you must care for YOU before you care for others. If you spend every weekend driving to go see husband it will stress you and the kids out unbelievably. It will show as problems in every other area of your life. This is a family problem, of course, and you DO all need treatment. But you DON"T have to go every weekend to his facility. I urge you to take the time to regularly attend alanon and to take the kids to alateen whether they want to go or not. At least for a few visits each. It might be good to take them to a couple of meetings together and a couple individually. SOmetimes having a sibling or parent or spouse at the meeting can keep you from expressing some things, at least that was my experience. I would put a higher priority on getting you and the kids to alanon/alateen meetings the first few weeks than on driving so far to see husband each weekend. Unless it is set up as family therapy with help/tdocs and maybe even peer sessions as support for the kids and you. It is just a thought - whatever you work out and are able to do will be the right thing.

Sending you lots and lots of hugs, love and support. Remember that YOU deserve to be taken care of - FIRST, not last.
 

crazymama30

Active Member
It went, I would not say smoothly but it went. Up untill and even after we walked in the door, husband kept asking why he could not just come home and do outpt and then do the inpt that is closer to home. I got to the point that I said we already had this conversation. I would say anything after that. He was signing the papers and all and the gentleman doing the admit gave him the code of conduct for the facility and said that husband could look it over later. husband said he was not f ing going anywhere untill he read that. So he read it, asked a few questions, and agreed. I do have to say the guy handled it really well. His personal counselor looks like someone husband will get along with, so that is good.

I left to go get husband a phone card and to get the kids something to eat, and husband called. I had given them my klonopin not his (does that speak to my frame of mind or what??) so when I went back to give him the phone card and get my medications, he was in the back and they were going through his stuff, including the medications. He is not to have benzos, so I took both bottles of klonopin home. He was in the middle of signing the release of information forms for his doctors and they gave him one to sign for me. He did not want to sign it, was adamantly refusing to sign it. The lady told him that if he did not sign it they could not even tell me if he was there. So I told him then I could not even have the kids call him and he signed it. I do not know if this will work or not, it is up to him. He wants to transfer to the facility closer to us when they have a bed there, and that is between him and the facility. I am worried that he will be more than they can handle, they are a substance abuse treatment program and not a dual diagnosis facility, and did not even know what some of his medications were for, they were looking them up in a drug book. They had never heard of cogentin, zyprexa, or doxepin. I told them what they were, then they looked them up and I was right. I know they had to look them up, but it was kinda funny that I was right.

As for the visiting every weekend? It would be one day not two, and I feel that in order for him to feel supported and not abandoned that we will go once a week. They also do family groups on Saturdays, so that would be a really good day to go. I really do not know how this will turn out, but it is last ditch chance for my kids to get back the dad they used to have and for me to have a fairly semi normal marriage. I realize that with the BiPolar (BP) and fibro things will alwasy be up and down, but I can handle that. I cannot tolerate the drug use and especially the drug dealing. So we will see.

Thank you all for your support. It has meant a lot to me, and has been very helpful.
 

KTMom91

Well-Known Member
Glad you were able to get husband there and he's being somewhat cooperative. Hugs to you and the kids.
 

gcvmom

Here we go again!
You are absolutely right -- you have NO WAY of knowing what will come next. But all that matters right now is that you have done the very best you could for him, for you, for your kids. And you are so, so, right that the rest is up to him entirely. No one could possibly ask any more of you, in my humble opinion.

Does the facility closer to home handle dual diagnosis's?

Is his psychiatrist in the loop with all that is going on and part of the release forms he signed? I would hope his psychiatrist could act in an advisory capacity to the docs there at the very least.

Everyone's safety is paramount -- so that means addressing the drug abuse issue first. The other issues will have to wait for now.

(((((Hugs)))))
 

crazymama30

Active Member
Yep, the facility closer to home is a dual diagnosis facility. psychiatrist is in the loop, as is pain doctor. When I was having problems with getting things done with the facilty, I called psychiatrist's office who called facility and I also called pain doctor who called the facility himself. So every doctor is in the loop. I should call family doctor today, as she may be the only one who does not know.
 

Marguerite

Active Member
I'd be really concerned as to why he tried to block your access to his information. Does it mean he's still trying to cheat the system somehow, and you know him too well and could drop him in it if he misbehaves?

I'm glad you got him in there, I hope he can get clean.

Marg
 

crazymama30

Active Member
Marg, he was trying to block my access because he is/was very angry with me. I gave him an ultimatum, divorce or treatement. His first choice was divorce, so I started packing his bags. He then said treatment. It is also because he does not remember things well at all, and then makes up an answer so he does not look stupid. I know the answer, and if people ask me it is usually way different than whatever he said. He has some serious cognitive defeficts that could be from many things, but all that matters is that they are there.

He will either work the program or not. It is up to him. I don't know if our marriage will or can survive this, but it is a last ditch effort. And he has to put forth the effort.
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
You've done a great job. My fingers are crossed that there is a positive outcome. Hugs. DDD
 
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