Big Bad Kitty
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Scent of Cedar II
New Member
Joining the circle from Florida.
Have you read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", by Patricia Evans? It will help you believe, in your soul where it counts, that none of his behaviors, not a one of his evil, thoughtlessly stupid words, apply to you.
My husband was verbally abusive. Because he never hit me, I had no name for what was happening to me. Because it was my husband, whom I loved and trusted, who was saying such horrible things to me about who I was and what my value was, I believed him.
He was wrong.
Wrong to do what he did, wrong to think as he thought.
It had nothing to do with me.
The abuse, the anger, the disgust ~ these things all had to do with power and control. When my husband could not control me, he decided to use my trust in him to destroy me, to weaken me so I would be vulnerable to his increasingly devastating comments and actions.
It is so hard a thing to stand up again when we are no longer certain we have a right to do so.
Take good care of yourself, now. Believe there will come a time when you will look back on this time and understand that there was no way to understand or assist or please this man.
What you will take away from this experience is the capacity to understand, and to help, another abused woman (or child ~ the dynamic is the same).
It is when we are reclaiming our power that an abusive male will cross that threshold between verbal and physical abuse.
Protect yourself, your children and your pets.
You are stronger and more resilient than you suspect you are.
You can do this.
Believe it.
Once I understood what was happening to me ~ once I got it that it was nothing personal (my husband would have behaved the same way with any woman) then I was strong enough to confront the behaviors.
But the key is that you understand that any one of us could have found herself tricked into an abusive relationship.
Any one.
Abusive males do not wear signs telling us they are abusive. They can be incredibly subtle, and they know just when to strike to weaken us.
My husband and I are still married. He is a changed man. Every so often, he will slip. The slippage is so subtle that, even now, I am often taken unawares.
I journal daily to keep tabs on myself.
You will find that practice helpful too, I think.
We will be right here, when you are able to come back.
Barbara
Sending the strength of the circling on to....
Have you read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", by Patricia Evans? It will help you believe, in your soul where it counts, that none of his behaviors, not a one of his evil, thoughtlessly stupid words, apply to you.
My husband was verbally abusive. Because he never hit me, I had no name for what was happening to me. Because it was my husband, whom I loved and trusted, who was saying such horrible things to me about who I was and what my value was, I believed him.
He was wrong.
Wrong to do what he did, wrong to think as he thought.
It had nothing to do with me.
The abuse, the anger, the disgust ~ these things all had to do with power and control. When my husband could not control me, he decided to use my trust in him to destroy me, to weaken me so I would be vulnerable to his increasingly devastating comments and actions.
It is so hard a thing to stand up again when we are no longer certain we have a right to do so.
Take good care of yourself, now. Believe there will come a time when you will look back on this time and understand that there was no way to understand or assist or please this man.
What you will take away from this experience is the capacity to understand, and to help, another abused woman (or child ~ the dynamic is the same).
It is when we are reclaiming our power that an abusive male will cross that threshold between verbal and physical abuse.
Protect yourself, your children and your pets.
You are stronger and more resilient than you suspect you are.
You can do this.
Believe it.
Once I understood what was happening to me ~ once I got it that it was nothing personal (my husband would have behaved the same way with any woman) then I was strong enough to confront the behaviors.
But the key is that you understand that any one of us could have found herself tricked into an abusive relationship.
Any one.
Abusive males do not wear signs telling us they are abusive. They can be incredibly subtle, and they know just when to strike to weaken us.
My husband and I are still married. He is a changed man. Every so often, he will slip. The slippage is so subtle that, even now, I am often taken unawares.
I journal daily to keep tabs on myself.
You will find that practice helpful too, I think.
We will be right here, when you are able to come back.
Barbara
Sending the strength of the circling on to....
