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Clarity comes with time
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 627471" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Well I see I may as well have just cut and pasted your whole post, since I lifted so much from it!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>yes, very prudent to avoid that frustration when possible. I hate to listen to my difficult child talk about the world through his eyes...I have wasted so very much time doing that, and sort of politely pretending I thought was he was saying was a potentially valid point of view, that I can feel my blood pressure rise when he starts. Good for you to not let it start in the first place. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is a completely perfect missive. No judgement, no criticism, no advice, no insertion of your needs versus his needs...just plain, expressing yourself with great clarity and love. Perfect. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>And this is amazingly true. YOu may never find out, but we can say that whoever he is while addicted is the drugs speaking, not the person. That is quite a good come back for being taken by surprise!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't think you need to worry about this for now. Who knows how easy child has described his relationship with difficult child, and how he has been impacted. The fiance may be feeling very protective of her wronged loved one. She is young, she has no personal experience, and really, who among us has not been guilty of judging </p><p>difficult children and the families they come from? She hasn't walked in your shoes, or even in easy child's shoes. If your easy child loves her she probably has more depth...she just needs some time and exposure. I think it was brave of her to engage in the conversation.</p><p>But, like I said, not to worry now. As you said..."I can't do anything about that either"</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes. I share this. difficult child's illness, his frailty, his unpredictability, my need to protect/love/advocate/be blind was all consuming. Now...I see him from a distance. I'm not 100% sure I think of him everyday (although some days I think of him all day). Last night I was out running and I saw him on the railroad tracks near his underthebridge hovel. He was with an older man, and he appeared agitated. Actually, he looked a lot like any crazy dirty schizophrenic on the street...cause guess what...he IS! They were dumping a bucket or a box on the tracks. I paused, thinking...what is going on? Is he doing something he shouldn't? is he upset? Is that guy taking advantage of him or hurting him in some way?" I slowed in my run, watching...and then I sped up, before he could see me, and went on. Because I have no role there. He is over there, beyond the chain link fence, in the dusk, on the tracks, looking away. And I am here, running along the river with the city lights sparkling in the water, breathing, feeling the cool air, taking care of myself. And that is that.</p><p></p><p>Thank you for the updates, Child. I am glad you have been able to put distance between yourself and your grief and anxiety. You are right..clarity comes with time. And it grows like a gyre, looping in closer, growing taller, moving farther out. </p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 627471, member: 17269"] Well I see I may as well have just cut and pasted your whole post, since I lifted so much from it! yes, very prudent to avoid that frustration when possible. I hate to listen to my difficult child talk about the world through his eyes...I have wasted so very much time doing that, and sort of politely pretending I thought was he was saying was a potentially valid point of view, that I can feel my blood pressure rise when he starts. Good for you to not let it start in the first place. This is a completely perfect missive. No judgement, no criticism, no advice, no insertion of your needs versus his needs...just plain, expressing yourself with great clarity and love. Perfect. And this is amazingly true. YOu may never find out, but we can say that whoever he is while addicted is the drugs speaking, not the person. That is quite a good come back for being taken by surprise! I don't think you need to worry about this for now. Who knows how easy child has described his relationship with difficult child, and how he has been impacted. The fiance may be feeling very protective of her wronged loved one. She is young, she has no personal experience, and really, who among us has not been guilty of judging difficult children and the families they come from? She hasn't walked in your shoes, or even in easy child's shoes. If your easy child loves her she probably has more depth...she just needs some time and exposure. I think it was brave of her to engage in the conversation. But, like I said, not to worry now. As you said..."I can't do anything about that either" Yes. I share this. difficult child's illness, his frailty, his unpredictability, my need to protect/love/advocate/be blind was all consuming. Now...I see him from a distance. I'm not 100% sure I think of him everyday (although some days I think of him all day). Last night I was out running and I saw him on the railroad tracks near his underthebridge hovel. He was with an older man, and he appeared agitated. Actually, he looked a lot like any crazy dirty schizophrenic on the street...cause guess what...he IS! They were dumping a bucket or a box on the tracks. I paused, thinking...what is going on? Is he doing something he shouldn't? is he upset? Is that guy taking advantage of him or hurting him in some way?" I slowed in my run, watching...and then I sped up, before he could see me, and went on. Because I have no role there. He is over there, beyond the chain link fence, in the dusk, on the tracks, looking away. And I am here, running along the river with the city lights sparkling in the water, breathing, feeling the cool air, taking care of myself. And that is that. Thank you for the updates, Child. I am glad you have been able to put distance between yourself and your grief and anxiety. You are right..clarity comes with time. And it grows like a gyre, looping in closer, growing taller, moving farther out. Echo [/QUOTE]
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