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Parent Emeritus
Clinically depressed 22 year old son, saying he has suffered enough, refuses help
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 715689" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I am sorry you have to endure all of this. I am assuming your son is over 18 at this time? Is he working?</p><p></p><p>I know it is hard to see him as an adult at this time. I believe he knows this and likely is manipulating this and you/your husband.</p><p></p><p>Please, I am begging you to start attending alanon meetings. Not the same meeting at the same time/place. Go to different meetings in different times and places until you find ones that have dynamics that feel right for you. Even meetings in the same place but at different times or on different days will have different dynamics and may or may not feel right to you. </p><p></p><p>Going to a family support group gives your loved one a 30% greater chance of success of recovNering from addiction. This means that if you regularly go to alanon or the equivalent for narcotics anonymous, your son will have a 30 % better chance of beating his addiction. It will mean you have the tools to help him when he is ready to tackle his addiction, and that you are able to stop enabling him far earlier than many parents of addicts are. </p><p></p><p>Back when he was in school, if you could have done something to give him a chance to raise his grades from 60% to 90%, would you have done it? Especially if it only took an hour 2-3 times a week? Now imagine that this could do more for him than just give him a grade on a report card. Imagine it could actually help save his life, could actually even help give him a longer and better life?</p><p></p><p>Would you be willing to give up an hour a couple of times a week to do that??Especially if it could maybe even help your life???</p><p></p><p>Alanon actually can do this. I truly believe alanon or narcanon can help you figure out how to help you figure out how to best help your son. If they cannot, maybe one of the family groups run by NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness can. I believe these are free (if you are in the US). </p><p></p><p>I do believe that you are not going to get your son to follow your rules or do what you want without a great deal of problems. If he is living with you, and you are paying his way, then he likely is not going to want to change anything until he absolutely must. I would insist he pay his own bills by a set deadline, and I would not pay them after that point. If I have misunderstood the situation, and he is supporting himself, then I apologize for that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 715689, member: 1233"] I am sorry you have to endure all of this. I am assuming your son is over 18 at this time? Is he working? I know it is hard to see him as an adult at this time. I believe he knows this and likely is manipulating this and you/your husband. Please, I am begging you to start attending alanon meetings. Not the same meeting at the same time/place. Go to different meetings in different times and places until you find ones that have dynamics that feel right for you. Even meetings in the same place but at different times or on different days will have different dynamics and may or may not feel right to you. Going to a family support group gives your loved one a 30% greater chance of success of recovNering from addiction. This means that if you regularly go to alanon or the equivalent for narcotics anonymous, your son will have a 30 % better chance of beating his addiction. It will mean you have the tools to help him when he is ready to tackle his addiction, and that you are able to stop enabling him far earlier than many parents of addicts are. Back when he was in school, if you could have done something to give him a chance to raise his grades from 60% to 90%, would you have done it? Especially if it only took an hour 2-3 times a week? Now imagine that this could do more for him than just give him a grade on a report card. Imagine it could actually help save his life, could actually even help give him a longer and better life? Would you be willing to give up an hour a couple of times a week to do that??Especially if it could maybe even help your life??? Alanon actually can do this. I truly believe alanon or narcanon can help you figure out how to help you figure out how to best help your son. If they cannot, maybe one of the family groups run by NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness can. I believe these are free (if you are in the US). I do believe that you are not going to get your son to follow your rules or do what you want without a great deal of problems. If he is living with you, and you are paying his way, then he likely is not going to want to change anything until he absolutely must. I would insist he pay his own bills by a set deadline, and I would not pay them after that point. If I have misunderstood the situation, and he is supporting himself, then I apologize for that. [/QUOTE]
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Clinically depressed 22 year old son, saying he has suffered enough, refuses help
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