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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 753563" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>You ladies pose good questions. I do love my husband and he has made huge strides in improving and changing himself through the 12 steps , AA meetings, and spirituality over the last 3 years. And that is amazing to me and I admire that greatly in him. He is overall a good guy , works very hard for his family, and can fix anything. </p><p></p><p>He is able to give me space now. In the past I wasn't able to go to the store with my Mother, for example, when she was visiting without him punishing me with verbal attacks, silent treatment, or some other form of abuse afterwards. The fact that I can leave for a month and he is fine is amazing. </p><p></p><p>In my experience, alcoholics are also codependent. And maybe his behavior patterns annoy me because they remind me of my former self or maybe even character defects I still inhabit without being fully aware of it. They say what annoys us in others are our own habits and we have to clear them within ourselves in order to stop being annoyed by them. I will pray for my Higher Power to show me my husband through his eyes once again. That helped a lot in the past. And I will look at my own patterns . I know that anytine I am annoyed with someone else, it's about me and not the other person. I am off center. My prayer and meditation life has suffered some. I did not get to AA meetings in Europe just Al-Anon and that will make me become off centeres. </p><p></p><p>I, too require a lot of space and quiet time especially when there is a crisis like the one with my daughter . </p><p></p><p>I think I get sort of used to his behaviors and find ways to get my solitude normally but after being away for a month where I had lots of down time, it's more difficult for me to adjust . I am sure my experience of him is colored by my situation with my daughter. How could it not be? Husband tends to tune all that out and want to read me something about spirituality and my head can't focus. He, too, always interrupts my reading and just chatters at me . And I also know that if something happened to him, these are the very things I would miss and would want back .</p><p></p><p>I need to find my center. I need to find the courage to speak up to him, and do so with love and care .</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 753563, member: 24254"] You ladies pose good questions. I do love my husband and he has made huge strides in improving and changing himself through the 12 steps , AA meetings, and spirituality over the last 3 years. And that is amazing to me and I admire that greatly in him. He is overall a good guy , works very hard for his family, and can fix anything. He is able to give me space now. In the past I wasn't able to go to the store with my Mother, for example, when she was visiting without him punishing me with verbal attacks, silent treatment, or some other form of abuse afterwards. The fact that I can leave for a month and he is fine is amazing. In my experience, alcoholics are also codependent. And maybe his behavior patterns annoy me because they remind me of my former self or maybe even character defects I still inhabit without being fully aware of it. They say what annoys us in others are our own habits and we have to clear them within ourselves in order to stop being annoyed by them. I will pray for my Higher Power to show me my husband through his eyes once again. That helped a lot in the past. And I will look at my own patterns . I know that anytine I am annoyed with someone else, it's about me and not the other person. I am off center. My prayer and meditation life has suffered some. I did not get to AA meetings in Europe just Al-Anon and that will make me become off centeres. I, too require a lot of space and quiet time especially when there is a crisis like the one with my daughter . I think I get sort of used to his behaviors and find ways to get my solitude normally but after being away for a month where I had lots of down time, it's more difficult for me to adjust . I am sure my experience of him is colored by my situation with my daughter. How could it not be? Husband tends to tune all that out and want to read me something about spirituality and my head can't focus. He, too, always interrupts my reading and just chatters at me . And I also know that if something happened to him, these are the very things I would miss and would want back . I need to find my center. I need to find the courage to speak up to him, and do so with love and care . [/QUOTE]
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