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Parent Emeritus
Cognitive Dissonance
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 758626" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I think it's possible to love a mentally ill person who even has beliefs and behaviors that are hurtful, distorted and confused. The crux of tolerating this situation is boundaries. Our own internal psychic boundaries and actual physical boundaries.</p><p></p><p>One way that psychic boundaries manifest themself is in my expectations. I cannot expect my son to think or act as do I, or even as I would wish that he would.</p><p></p><p>I have to stay firmly rooted in reality, and the reality is that I need to first take care of my side of the street. My side of the street is my hopes, wants and needs. To get these firmly in check and to not want from him what he can't or won't deliver.</p><p></p><p>Another way I keep myself safe, is that I keep distance. I limit contact. I have it be on terms that I can better control. I try to take responsibility to think through potential triggers, that could be explosive. And I respect the input of those around me, who have a better memory than do I, to remind me, what might be risky or too much.</p><p></p><p>Finally, I try to not overreact. If my son blows it I recognize that I don't have to follow suit. I can retreat. I don't have to melt down. </p><p></p><p>Most of all I need to remember this is not my fault and that nothing is served by my falling apart. Even if there is a conflict and we are not attuned, I don't have to spend a week in bed. I can remember it was one minute. I can take steps to not make the distress global and mean more than it actually does.</p><p></p><p>I don't have to make a catastrophe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 758626, member: 18958"] I think it's possible to love a mentally ill person who even has beliefs and behaviors that are hurtful, distorted and confused. The crux of tolerating this situation is boundaries. Our own internal psychic boundaries and actual physical boundaries. One way that psychic boundaries manifest themself is in my expectations. I cannot expect my son to think or act as do I, or even as I would wish that he would. I have to stay firmly rooted in reality, and the reality is that I need to first take care of my side of the street. My side of the street is my hopes, wants and needs. To get these firmly in check and to not want from him what he can't or won't deliver. Another way I keep myself safe, is that I keep distance. I limit contact. I have it be on terms that I can better control. I try to take responsibility to think through potential triggers, that could be explosive. And I respect the input of those around me, who have a better memory than do I, to remind me, what might be risky or too much. Finally, I try to not overreact. If my son blows it I recognize that I don't have to follow suit. I can retreat. I don't have to melt down. Most of all I need to remember this is not my fault and that nothing is served by my falling apart. Even if there is a conflict and we are not attuned, I don't have to spend a week in bed. I can remember it was one minute. I can take steps to not make the distress global and mean more than it actually does. I don't have to make a catastrophe. [/QUOTE]
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