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Cognitive Dissonance
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<blockquote data-quote="newstart" data-source="post: 758631" data-attributes="member: 22416"><p><em>Thank you all for your thoughts and comments. Today I had a great swim with my husband. As we ate breakfast I asked myself which situation is better, having my 38 year old daughter in my life with all the lies, disrespect and secret behavior or the quiet time without all the BS that she dishes out on a regular consistent manner. I picked the quiet time.. Just because I am so desperate for the connection does not mean it will happen. Just because I hang on to every little tiny bit of ok behavior does not mean it is doable. The problem is me. I keep trying, then try some more than a little bit more.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>When I would look at my daughter's beautiful face, I see my dad, mom, and my husbands expressions. I love looking at her beautiful face, she has large brown eyes, beautiful smile, my mom's perfect lips, white teeth. I see all the people that I love dearly in her face. I lost my dad in 2010 and the older my daughter gets the more she looks like my dad. My dad was honest, decent and his friends admired, respected and loved him. My dad was a hard worker and compassionate, he took great care of his older relatives... So I see all these wonderful people in my daughters face. How can she be who she is? Then I see bit and pieces of my bipolar mother in law in there too, some traits of my bipolar sister in law. My daughter is a combination of many people yet she is solidly who she is. My husband thinks the bipolar/borderline came from his side but I have heard stories of my paternal grandfather, they could not get him in the ground quick enough, he did not even get a headstone. My dad never said one word about his father ever. So I keep telling my husband the gene came from both sides. My husband feels at fault. He is not to be blamed, I remind him of my grandfather. Who knows where it came from and at this point it does not matter, it is just not good. One thing that I hang on to is that my daughter was not born a psychopath. Her nasty behavior developed in her late teens early 20s. She was actually a sweet kind child. She acts like a psychopath while manic, so if she stays manic all the time then she will become a full time psychopath. She has been manic nonstop for a long time now. </em></p><p><em>God Bless all of us on the wicked, rough, draining journey.</em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="newstart, post: 758631, member: 22416"] [I]Thank you all for your thoughts and comments. Today I had a great swim with my husband. As we ate breakfast I asked myself which situation is better, having my 38 year old daughter in my life with all the lies, disrespect and secret behavior or the quiet time without all the BS that she dishes out on a regular consistent manner. I picked the quiet time.. Just because I am so desperate for the connection does not mean it will happen. Just because I hang on to every little tiny bit of ok behavior does not mean it is doable. The problem is me. I keep trying, then try some more than a little bit more. When I would look at my daughter's beautiful face, I see my dad, mom, and my husbands expressions. I love looking at her beautiful face, she has large brown eyes, beautiful smile, my mom's perfect lips, white teeth. I see all the people that I love dearly in her face. I lost my dad in 2010 and the older my daughter gets the more she looks like my dad. My dad was honest, decent and his friends admired, respected and loved him. My dad was a hard worker and compassionate, he took great care of his older relatives... So I see all these wonderful people in my daughters face. How can she be who she is? Then I see bit and pieces of my bipolar mother in law in there too, some traits of my bipolar sister in law. My daughter is a combination of many people yet she is solidly who she is. My husband thinks the bipolar/borderline came from his side but I have heard stories of my paternal grandfather, they could not get him in the ground quick enough, he did not even get a headstone. My dad never said one word about his father ever. So I keep telling my husband the gene came from both sides. My husband feels at fault. He is not to be blamed, I remind him of my grandfather. Who knows where it came from and at this point it does not matter, it is just not good. One thing that I hang on to is that my daughter was not born a psychopath. Her nasty behavior developed in her late teens early 20s. She was actually a sweet kind child. She acts like a psychopath while manic, so if she stays manic all the time then she will become a full time psychopath. She has been manic nonstop for a long time now. God Bless all of us on the wicked, rough, draining journey.[/I] [/QUOTE]
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