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college student stealing
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<blockquote data-quote="KFld" data-source="post: 36028" data-attributes="member: 2442"><p>Welcome to the board and a very supportive family of people who have been through what you are going through. Not allowing your son in your home and no longer enabling him are far from giving up on him. By allowing him access to your home and enabling him, you are not doing anyone any favors, you are only prolonging what will just get worse. </p><p></p><p>My son is a 6 month clean recovering heroin addict because we stopped enabling him and threw him out of our home when we caught him stealing from us. He just turned 20 last month and hasn't lived home in 1 1/2 years. He currently resides in a soberhouse, works full time and pays his own bills, calls us everyday and never ever hangs up without telling us he loves us. </p><p>Because we stopped enabling he was allowed to take full responsibility for where his life ended up. He will never live home again and he understands why. </p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you as I remember being exactly where you are today. Questioning what is right and what is wrong and how your decisions will help or hurt him. You should get yourselves to an alanon parent meeting. You will be surrounded by a room full of people who have been there done that and you will learn that you have no control over his behavior. It isn't your job to fix or heal him. He has to fall flat on his face and have nowhere else to turn but up. </p><p></p><p>You should change the locks, not allow him in your house, then tell him you love him with all your hearts, but you will not love him to death. You need to learn how to detatch. Let him know you will always love him, but you can only support him when he's making the right decisions and then you need to detatch when he's not. He won't be happy about it and he will manipulate and do everything in his power to make you feel like you are doing this to him, but you have to remember, he is doing this to himself and therefore he is the only one who can change his behavior. If you feel drugs and alcohol are the issue, give him names and phone numbers to rehabs and let him know when he's ready, you will be there for him. </p><p></p><p>Then memorize the serenity prayer:</p><p></p><p>God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change</p><p></p><p>The courage to change the things I can</p><p></p><p>And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen!!!!</p><p></p><p>That prayer got me through many a long night for many months. </p><p></p><p>Those simple words made me realize that I had to accept my son was a drug addict and I couldn't change it, but the only one I had the power to change was myself and how I reacted to him. </p><p></p><p>The wisdom to know the difference can be a hard one, but you get better with lots of practice :smile:</p><p></p><p>Please keep in touch as you have found a wonderful family to help you through what may be very tough going for awhile. Everyone here has had different experiences and handled things in different ways. Just remember to take what you need and leave the rest. You don't have to agree with everyone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="KFld, post: 36028, member: 2442"] Welcome to the board and a very supportive family of people who have been through what you are going through. Not allowing your son in your home and no longer enabling him are far from giving up on him. By allowing him access to your home and enabling him, you are not doing anyone any favors, you are only prolonging what will just get worse. My son is a 6 month clean recovering heroin addict because we stopped enabling him and threw him out of our home when we caught him stealing from us. He just turned 20 last month and hasn't lived home in 1 1/2 years. He currently resides in a soberhouse, works full time and pays his own bills, calls us everyday and never ever hangs up without telling us he loves us. Because we stopped enabling he was allowed to take full responsibility for where his life ended up. He will never live home again and he understands why. My heart goes out to you as I remember being exactly where you are today. Questioning what is right and what is wrong and how your decisions will help or hurt him. You should get yourselves to an alanon parent meeting. You will be surrounded by a room full of people who have been there done that and you will learn that you have no control over his behavior. It isn't your job to fix or heal him. He has to fall flat on his face and have nowhere else to turn but up. You should change the locks, not allow him in your house, then tell him you love him with all your hearts, but you will not love him to death. You need to learn how to detatch. Let him know you will always love him, but you can only support him when he's making the right decisions and then you need to detatch when he's not. He won't be happy about it and he will manipulate and do everything in his power to make you feel like you are doing this to him, but you have to remember, he is doing this to himself and therefore he is the only one who can change his behavior. If you feel drugs and alcohol are the issue, give him names and phone numbers to rehabs and let him know when he's ready, you will be there for him. Then memorize the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference. Amen!!!! That prayer got me through many a long night for many months. Those simple words made me realize that I had to accept my son was a drug addict and I couldn't change it, but the only one I had the power to change was myself and how I reacted to him. The wisdom to know the difference can be a hard one, but you get better with lots of practice [img]:smile:[/img] Please keep in touch as you have found a wonderful family to help you through what may be very tough going for awhile. Everyone here has had different experiences and handled things in different ways. Just remember to take what you need and leave the rest. You don't have to agree with everyone. [/QUOTE]
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