combating stressy things

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Dixies_fire, May 6, 2013.

  1. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    So I thought I had been doing better.
    Husband has made a big effort since I first started posting last month.

    They adjusted medications and other stuff, and surgery being scheduled.

    I've been to a couple appointments with tk and even though they didn't tell me much, it's proactive at least something is being done.

    I've tried to take control of my life and my house, we've been making weekend outings when it isn't snowing. I've been doing better I have.

    But the small "stressy" tk behavior has been getting to me. It's also been getting more frequent. Aka my pj post in general parenting, blue hair, washing hair battles, sneaking stuff to her room going through drawers and suit cases and a thousand cubby holes a day where she is hiding things she shouldn't have. Throwing trash all over the floor. These are all very small things and for most of them I am maintaining a calm level tone and stating "pick it up" "do it again" "go to bed" but it's so wearing. The more effort I make for her the more of this "small awful" behavior.

    God knows the small awful is better than the big awful. My question is how do you keep it all in perspective? And stop letting it control my outlook? And express love? When I still want to weep with weariness. It's like someone is following you around and picking your good mood to shreds! My hair is falling out and I'm pretty sure my better outlook has just been me swallowing my anger.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You have an awful lot on your plate right now, Dixie, all of the struggles and stress with your husband, and now with Tk, who really may be acting out as a result of her Dad's issues, (kids do tend to do that since they have no verbal skills to address their emotional scary stuff, they do it in other ways.) Having had a lot of stress throughout my own life, my advice to you is to find ways to get that stress out of your body and mind and to do it consistently. As wives and moms, it's so easy for us to simply continue care-taking everyone else's needs all the time without ever even acknowledging that we have any ourselves. We can't continue to give and give until we're depleted......if you simply look at it in terms of energy, all your energy is going out with little or no energy coming back...............that is a recipe for getting sick, depleting yourself or your depression getting worse.

    Self care is one of the most important components of having a balanced and healthy life, something most of us, especially women, are not taught. What do you enjoy doing? Start there. And, do it. See your girlfriends. Exercise. Eat healthy food. Do nurturing things for yourself, have your nails done, get a massage, take a long bath. I do acupuncture regularly because it is a wonderful way to a place of DEEP relaxation and peace. Yoga helps as does Tai Chi or meditation.

    I don't believe stress distinguishes itself into small stress and huge stress, it is all the same in the body, stress does damage to us. You're sleep deprived, you have 3 young children, a husband with a lot of health issues and one child who is acting out in some manner...........any of us would be stressed under even half of those conditions. You want to weep with weariness because YOU ARE WEARY! Find ways to rest and relax, nourish YOU, take care of YOU, when you find the balance between the energy you give out all the time and ways to give to yourself, you will not only feel so much better but your hair will stop falling out and your outlook will be positive and your ability to feel and express love will be apparent and easy. Take care of you Dixie.............hugs............
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Ditto RE

    You need to find ways to take care of YOU as well as everyone else.

    Hot bubble bath with the door locked.......maybe music up loud so you can't hear the rest of the house.
    Good novel to read in your bedroom with a favorite snack just for you.
    Long walk (once good weather returns) to stretch your muscles and for a "mini escape". (this one save my family many times)
    Coffee with a good friend. Lunch with a good friend. Movie night out. ect
    Craft you enjoy.

    Me? If the stress was really bad? I found a really good kill em type video game and zoned out to it. It let me both vent my anger (not on live people) and de stress at the same time. Very therapeutic believe it or not lol

    No one will take care of you, except you. And if you're overwhelmed and exhausted, battle weary.......everything will seem 100 times worse whether it is or not.

  4. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    You ladies always have good stuff to say. Today was a good day. My hubs has been babying me. Tk made it all day without anything at all happening and my easy child boyo.... He's the light of my life some days. And I think my littlest one is getting a little bit more sleep, not a lot but a little. I just wish I could have a few more days of this.
  5. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Husband is having a very bad day, his new commander is trying to change his discharge to something bad that takes every benefit of the va and turns it to ****.

    He's upset obviously
    We're supposed to talk to a colonel sometime this week, to see if we can make this better.

    He's decided to fight whatever by court Marshall if we have to. It's crazy because he hasn't received any kind of reprimand and the mental break happened February 16th and they are just now trying to push this in the ugliest direction it can go.

    I don't want to talk about this and I don't want to think about it.

    The court Marshall can either be the best thing to happen for him or the worst. And we still can't do anything because they haven't provided any paperwork at all.
  6. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    I support our military. I think they are great wonderful people and I'm in awe of the sacrifices they make. At the dame time I get so mad at how they are treated by the military. I get mad at how they are treated by the gov't and now some of the commanders. Some people get a little taste of power/ authority and they turn into monsters. I am so sorry you are going through this. You will be in my prayers. Does the military provide a lawyer or do you have to pay for it? If the military pays are you sure the lawyer will be on your side?

    When I get really stressed everything besides the basics goes out the window. Kids get fed cold cereal or pb&j for all meals. Getting dressed is optional, but diaper changes do happen. Housework is minimal. Kids learn to pick their clothes out of a clean clothes pile. (Its funny when I start to feel better and get the clothes folded. The kids can't find the clothes hidden in the drawers.) paper plates. In order to get anything done some times I have to do 30 min work to 30 min rest. The point is to keep moving a little. There is no way I could get away from my kids so the internet is what I use to zone out. When they are in bed I also watch violent movies. My favorite is 13th warrior.

    Good luck. Tk probably is pushing your buttons more because you are stressed. I think mine have a sixth sense of when I don't feel good. Remember this is just temporary feeling this way, being in this situation is temporary.
  7. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    That's the thing when they scared us about this last time, I shut down. Things were getting a bit better but sitting in the back of my mind. Now all this stuff comes up again and I'm worried.

    I do the same with my laundry in fact we got half of it folded and put away yesterday.

    I just don't understand how try are completely ignoring his diagnosis's and the surgery how is it even effen legal. What purpose they think it serves since all of this **** is supposedly for the betterment of my family? Losing my home with less than a months notice is not in my best interest nor my children's. cutting him lose without the medications that are keeping him from harming me or the kids also not in my best interest. We don't know what surgery is going to accomplish but I do know that he is about 1000 better then he was with the cocktail of drugs and therapy twice a week.

    Yes they pay for a lawyer, you have the option to hire your own but that is not a viable option at this point. We are not contesting him getting out of the army just the blatant disregard of everything that is going on with him medically and mentally. His two therapists are trying to get the medical discharge process started but they are moving on army time not "save my butt" time.
    I've given suggestions to hubs but he's still not functioning outside the house at his best and I can not be his advocate unless invited to be. Supposedly we are going to talk to his colonel together and that could make a lot of difference, but I'm tired of being cycled through this roller coaster. I was with my husband holding the house down during his 14 day phospital visit. 21 day removal from my home. Called ambulance for over dose went through another four days with him in hospital. 17 different medication changes over the past three months and I feel like I have failed! Totally failed and should of found a way for this not to happen.
  8. Liahona

    Liahona Guest

    You are in a bad place right now, but you have not failed. Even doing everything right you could not stop this from happening. You are going to get through this. What they are doing probably isn't legal. What does the lawyer say? Have you had time to talk to the lawyer?

    You have been through so much. It's ok to cuddle mr.lewis and just cry. Tomorrow is a new day to fight. I find that sometimes I have to make a to do list related to the big problem. Then I do as much as I can on the list that day. After that is done I put the list down and try to not think about it. I try to keep myself on an even keel that way. And getting out of the house helps. My worst days I'd pack everyone up and we'd go to toys r us for a few hours. Kids played with toys, if they wandered to much I'd put them on leashes, I just wasn't functional for much else.
  9. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    We can't talk to the lawyer till they drop the packet, (give us the paperwork that says all this officially) his t doctor well one of them says that it's bull koi and he will write the reports we will use for defense, he is also one of the doctors who is trying to get hubs a medical discharge..

    We are supposed to talk to the douchewaffle who decided to treat it that way today and then talk to the battalion commander. So we will see
  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good luck with the talk today Dixie...............may the force be with you!
  11. Dixies_fire

    Dixies_fire Member

    Haha lets hope.