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Family of Origin
Coming Out of Cold Turkey
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 694792" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Well, there is a trend to totally dump family members. I can see just calling once a month or so, but it is painful to have NO CONTACT done to you. I would never have gone that far to an elderly relative. You dont have to be a doting daughter, but you can check in sometimes. Those who estrange others tend to get it back from their own children. It is familial. How would you feel being deserted in your very senior years by a child? Or all of thrm? You are setting an example. It is commonly repeated.</p><p></p><p>I've read it all too and decided that no contact at all is abuse unless you were beaten or molested or robbed by parent. Also, you waited till your mothers last days. Most of these "adult children" are in their 30s and 30s, not 50s. I feel you and I are old enough to pull back wothout total estrangement. We are wiser than a young adult. Many of them will reconcile too. You dont have time on your side. Once you do it, its done. Final.</p><p></p><p>How will you feel after she dies? There is no going back. Once my mother died snd disinherited me, it really hurt and I suffered with "what did ai do so bad? Why did she hate me?" To this day, I don't know. Did you at least explain this no contact??</p><p></p><p>You may think you wont feel guilty and then be drowned in guilt. That would make her a huge part of the space in your head long after she is gone. You may feel swell now. Things change after death.</p><p></p><p>I think my dad can be awful and abusive and controlling. He is 92. He still loves me. I dont want to hurt him just because he hurts me. I dont talk to him too much, but I do. I can be the bigger person. </p><p></p><p>Hey, its up to you. I dont get no contact and have no idea why your husband is cheering you on. Your mother sounds obnoxious. So does my dad. You have a part in this difficult relationship too just as I did with my mother. I own that. It is almost never one way. Do you think you have a part in this?</p><p></p><p>In short, I know of no estrsngement that went well. Also, the rest of the family tends to get involved and take sides. Aunts, cousins, your own children....drama.</p><p></p><p> You are not 25 and your mother isn't robust and 40. It is cruel, no matter what, to estrange somebody this old, even if she isnt easy to deal with.</p><p></p><p>If you cut her out for the few years she has left, I dont think you will like who you are and what you did and it could last the rest of your and your familys life.</p><p></p><p>Good luck. I dont want to revisit this thread again. Think hard about this.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 694792, member: 1550"] Well, there is a trend to totally dump family members. I can see just calling once a month or so, but it is painful to have NO CONTACT done to you. I would never have gone that far to an elderly relative. You dont have to be a doting daughter, but you can check in sometimes. Those who estrange others tend to get it back from their own children. It is familial. How would you feel being deserted in your very senior years by a child? Or all of thrm? You are setting an example. It is commonly repeated. I've read it all too and decided that no contact at all is abuse unless you were beaten or molested or robbed by parent. Also, you waited till your mothers last days. Most of these "adult children" are in their 30s and 30s, not 50s. I feel you and I are old enough to pull back wothout total estrangement. We are wiser than a young adult. Many of them will reconcile too. You dont have time on your side. Once you do it, its done. Final. How will you feel after she dies? There is no going back. Once my mother died snd disinherited me, it really hurt and I suffered with "what did ai do so bad? Why did she hate me?" To this day, I don't know. Did you at least explain this no contact?? You may think you wont feel guilty and then be drowned in guilt. That would make her a huge part of the space in your head long after she is gone. You may feel swell now. Things change after death. I think my dad can be awful and abusive and controlling. He is 92. He still loves me. I dont want to hurt him just because he hurts me. I dont talk to him too much, but I do. I can be the bigger person. Hey, its up to you. I dont get no contact and have no idea why your husband is cheering you on. Your mother sounds obnoxious. So does my dad. You have a part in this difficult relationship too just as I did with my mother. I own that. It is almost never one way. Do you think you have a part in this? In short, I know of no estrsngement that went well. Also, the rest of the family tends to get involved and take sides. Aunts, cousins, your own children....drama. You are not 25 and your mother isn't robust and 40. It is cruel, no matter what, to estrange somebody this old, even if she isnt easy to deal with. If you cut her out for the few years she has left, I dont think you will like who you are and what you did and it could last the rest of your and your familys life. Good luck. I dont want to revisit this thread again. Think hard about this. [/QUOTE]
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