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<blockquote data-quote="Littleboylost" data-source="post: 721721" data-attributes="member: 21895"><p>Copa you are right there is no control and that is so very frightening. We must move forward and face our fear. It is truly his story to write. </p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>I completely understand this point. It is the same with my son begging to delay rehab until he finished his semester at school. He is failing everything, has been present for 2 full days all year. Is busy drugging, stealing and partying. Gone all weekend to houses that allow kids to drug in the garage. Never too sick or tired for a weekend but always too tired for helping out or going to school. He is not 13 or 14 any more. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I have never seen my son truly clean since he was 15 years old. It is heart breaking and he just doesn't see it. When I confront him with facts he denies them and I go , because a crazy part of me wants to believe him and yet I know he is lying throufh his teeth! </p><p></p><p>When I asked him if school is so important why don't you go and why are you failing everything. He said and I quote "it's just all this upset so close to my birthday. What kind of excuse is that?? And what kind of a brain thinks that's a good answer. </p><p>I know I have to follow through and I know I have to let go. I have to know he is not helpless he just acts like it. </p><p></p><p> It is so very very difficult. We have to accept the fact that he may change or he may never change. I lost my mind passing a homeless young fellow begging at the intersection today. If he does wind up there it is his story to write. We can not keep going through the same cycle again and again. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I am accepting the truth and managing my FOG and his Gas Lighting very well, well as good as can be expected. He was being all sweet and understanding until he asked for money and I said no. He said he was starving. I offered him many snacks to have before dinner. None of them were what he wanted. Pretty picky for a starving person. </p><p>Fear replace with reality </p><p>Obligation replace with unrealistic expectarions </p><p>Guilt replace with truth and fact. No more Gas Lighting. </p><p></p><p>I am so grateful to all of you for this support. Without it I would never be able to cope. It is going to be a rough road putting him out with no communication device, all husband's family are in the UK and mine are not present or available in his life. Perhaps this is a good thing. All of the friends he feels he can rely on will not be able to give him what he expects. This will either help him turn around or it will take him on a very dark path. I can't Conrol this. I can't Cure this I didn't Cause this. </p><p></p><p>A wise woman reminded me today to accept that I am powerless over his choices and his path in life. I have to let go and get out of his way. </p><p></p><p>I have kept a few of the messages on my phone as screen shots to remind me who I am really dealing with. </p><p></p><p>Husband remains 100% on board with this plan. It hurts to see the pain in his eyes and his heart. He is a very stoic person and to see him moved to this level of dispair is so very crushing. </p><p></p><p>I used to decorate for Halloween early every year for his Birthday which is on the 20th. I can barely get through the necessities of each day, let alone find the time or spirit to even attempt to decorate or celebrate anything. Not how we expected 18 to be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Littleboylost, post: 721721, member: 21895"] Copa you are right there is no control and that is so very frightening. We must move forward and face our fear. It is truly his story to write. I completely understand this point. It is the same with my son begging to delay rehab until he finished his semester at school. He is failing everything, has been present for 2 full days all year. Is busy drugging, stealing and partying. Gone all weekend to houses that allow kids to drug in the garage. Never too sick or tired for a weekend but always too tired for helping out or going to school. He is not 13 or 14 any more. I have never seen my son truly clean since he was 15 years old. It is heart breaking and he just doesn't see it. When I confront him with facts he denies them and I go , because a crazy part of me wants to believe him and yet I know he is lying throufh his teeth! When I asked him if school is so important why don't you go and why are you failing everything. He said and I quote "it's just all this upset so close to my birthday. What kind of excuse is that?? And what kind of a brain thinks that's a good answer. I know I have to follow through and I know I have to let go. I have to know he is not helpless he just acts like it. It is so very very difficult. We have to accept the fact that he may change or he may never change. I lost my mind passing a homeless young fellow begging at the intersection today. If he does wind up there it is his story to write. We can not keep going through the same cycle again and again. I am accepting the truth and managing my FOG and his Gas Lighting very well, well as good as can be expected. He was being all sweet and understanding until he asked for money and I said no. He said he was starving. I offered him many snacks to have before dinner. None of them were what he wanted. Pretty picky for a starving person. Fear replace with reality Obligation replace with unrealistic expectarions Guilt replace with truth and fact. No more Gas Lighting. I am so grateful to all of you for this support. Without it I would never be able to cope. It is going to be a rough road putting him out with no communication device, all husband's family are in the UK and mine are not present or available in his life. Perhaps this is a good thing. All of the friends he feels he can rely on will not be able to give him what he expects. This will either help him turn around or it will take him on a very dark path. I can't Conrol this. I can't Cure this I didn't Cause this. A wise woman reminded me today to accept that I am powerless over his choices and his path in life. I have to let go and get out of his way. I have kept a few of the messages on my phone as screen shots to remind me who I am really dealing with. Husband remains 100% on board with this plan. It hurts to see the pain in his eyes and his heart. He is a very stoic person and to see him moved to this level of dispair is so very crushing. I used to decorate for Halloween early every year for his Birthday which is on the 20th. I can barely get through the necessities of each day, let alone find the time or spirit to even attempt to decorate or celebrate anything. Not how we expected 18 to be. [/QUOTE]
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