Communication May Not Always Be A Good Thing

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Hound dog, Jul 31, 2008.

  1. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    My kids and I discuss everything. Literally. While having these wonderful lines of communication are often wonderful.........Sometimes they come back to bite you in the arse.:tongue:

    Sometimes I get to know too much. Believe it or not that is actually possible.

    Nichole's friend S has invited her to a club up in Dayton this time. While there are no boyfriend issues...........This girl admits to being bi-sexual, and the club is actually a Gay Bar.

    While under normal circumstances I couldn't give a hoot what S's sexual orientation is or where she goes............Nichole will be tagging along. A kid who has never been to a "Club" or "Bar" or whatever, let alone a Gay one.

    The alarm bells went off in my head. And I couldn't keep my mouth shut. (this is becoming a habit I don't like with this friend. I don't normally poke my nose into friendships)

    But I see the potential for disaster.

    Nichole is not gay or bi. So I asked her if she realized that by going to this club she's opening herself up to being hit on by others who are? Now bare in mind, this is my kid who'll deck a guy for overstepping boundaries. I have images of bar room brawls in my head, with Nichole at the bottom of the pile.:(

    Supposedly the club is being opened to the general public for this one night because some big name Boy Bands are playing there. Maybe. Maybe not. But I don't trust S as she is 10x's the difficult child Nichole is and isn't prone to honesty. S's best friend (a guy) is also supposed to be coming.

    I asked Nichole if boyfriend is going. Nope. He has no interest at all in going to this club. He's afraid of making his friend mad at him. (this is the girl from the "couple" they were friends with)

    I didn't tell her she can't go. (but oh, did I want to!) But did say that I didn't think it was such a great idea. I think she'll be self conscious the whole time, on her guard, and won't enjoy herself. Plus this S is prone to getting drunk (pass out drunk) and neither of us know if her friend is a drinker. Nichole doesn't drink, so not an issue there.

    I did tell her that I won't watch Aubrey while she goes.

    I know she wants to go out and have some fun, as well as do some of the things kids her age are out doing. And I don't blame her at all. She deserves it. But I wish this S girl would stop dangling the temptation of fun over a situation that is ripe for disaster. ugh

    So. Why couldn't she just say "Hey Mom, S and I are hanging out tonight, be back by cerfew." and leave the rest out?? :tongue:

    Now if she goes I'm going to worry sick til she walks in the door.:faint:
  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I understand all too well, while I do want to keep open communication between my difficult child and I, I dont need to know every single detail. She tells me things that make my skin crawl, inappropriate stuff that I wouldn't tell anyone let alone my own mother!!! They have no boundaries. I sometimes feel she tells me things to upset me purposely. Sometimes I stop her dead in her tracks and tell her I cant bear to hear anymore. Its as though she gets a rise out of shocking me into tears!!!

    Over the years I have learned to sort of let some things go. Like how you told your daughter it wouldn't be a good idea to go to that club rather than forbid her. I do the same thing because I know telling her no means nothing. We will end up in a huge fight and she will do it anyway. So now I just try to advise her, of course the advise falls on deaf ears. You know that Serenity stuff.....Accept the things you cant change........yada,yada,yada. A lot easier said than done!!!

    Good luck and God bless. :)
  3. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana

    If difficult child starts giving too much information (too much information) I start giving too much information right back. difficult child is completely grossed out by the mere thought that her dad and I have sex. It shuts her up PDQ, and then I say in a shocked voice, "What - you mean there are some things you'd rather not know about my life?!"


    She gets the hint (for a while...then I get to do it again:laugh:)
  4. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Yep- Rob was the KING OF too much information. I heard things that made my hair curl.

    I had to start cutting him short when he'd go into subjects I didn't want to know about. I figured I needed to teach him how to have a bit of self-restraint about sharing personal things as well as be there for things he really might need to tell me.

    Good luck.

  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Yep. This is why I no longer have to endure the details of easy child and Nichole's sex life. :D :rofl:

    Ya know, there is open, then there is too open.
  6. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    You know, I have the opposite problem. My daughter won't tell me anything. She is too scared I'll start about her loser boyfriend. I hope you find a way to handle it, it's a good thing though that you left it up to her. Leaves her open to changing her mind about going.
  7. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    First, going to the gay bar may not be as bad of an experience as you think. Most gays are quick to respect the fact that someone is straight even if in "their territory." Gay clubs frequently have the best bands/acts, so it is not all that unusual for straights to want to go to them. Just tell Nichole to be polite if someone hits on her and tell them she is straight. That might really be the end of it. Maybe she make her a t-shirt saying something to the effect that her boyfriend is a male or a straight line with a rainbow above it -- the rainbow could have the circle with a bar down the middle. Just a thought.

    I'd be much more concerned with the drinking the other two are prone to do. Who's doing the driving? I'd make sure that Nichole has a way home where she's not stuck in a car with either of them behind the wheel.

    As to the too much information, yup, been there done that, have the t-shirt. Given the alternative of no info, I'll take the too much information. I've had to swallow hard at some of the things I've been told -- I mean who wants to hear their child lost their virginity on New Year's Eve to some guy on his couch while others were in the room? (That one really did bring tears to my eyes.) Most of it I can handle and do the pat on the hand routine. Some of it gives me the urge to kill or at least vomit as the bile rises in my throat. They do love to shock us, don't they.
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I'm with MB on this one. It probably won't be as bad as you are fearing. If anything, it would be ab experience that Nichole won't want to repeat again.

    FWIW, I see Nichole on the TOP of the pile if there is a brawl.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    too much information, yes.
    My daughter has told me about all her drug-filled escapades in detail plus her sex life with her boyfriend. However, I am of the mindset that I'd rather know and have her comfortable talking to me, so I listen.
    If she wanted to go to a gay bar it wouldn't bother me. I don't believe that it would affect her sexual orientation. I'd think she was just curious about what goes on there. But,t hen, if my kids were gay, I'd accept it as I don't think it's a "sin" or anything controllable. I feel that people are straight or gay...they are born that way, and that nobody can make you change.
  10. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    MWM I'm not the least bit worried over Nichole's sexual orientation. Not an issue either way.

    But these are my worries:

    1. S is prone to lying

    2. S is very volitile and prone to violence. (makes Nichole at her worst look peaceful)

    3. S is a lush.

    4. S loves to make trouble. She seems to thrive on it.

    5. Having grown up in a small town I don't think Nichole knows quite what to expect at this club. When Nichole get's uncomfortable, she gets really irritable and short tempered.

    6. Even if Nichole does manage a tactful brush off if a hit on is made, S may (probably will) step in and make it an ugly scene at best.

    7. The club is in Dayton, 2 1/2 hrs from us. And I still want to know which part.

    8. If both the kids she's going with drink, Nichole will be stranded all the way in Dayton with no way home. Nichole will (and has always) refuse to ride with someone who's been drinking.

    Let's just say if Nichole were to go to this club with one of her other friends, I wouldn't have an issue with it. Still might be concerned with the drinking because I'd want someone sober driving.

    If boyfriend were tagging along I wouldn't have an issue. boyfriend would drag Nichole away from any volitile situation as he doesn't like to be involved in them. (he might get hit lol) And he could drive her home if the others got drunk.


    Maybe I'll sit down with her and at least bring up those points so she can think about it. This isn't supposed to happen for 2 weeks.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Then I guess maybe she'll learn that this isn't her "cuppa tea" so to speak :)
    I'd tell her to make s ure she doesn't drink so she can leave if she wants to ;)
    My daughter is also from a small town, but she managed to see things that some big city girls NEVER difficult children!!!!
  12. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    Personally, I've found gay bars some of the best to be in if you're straight. They just have a great time, usually great music, and leave you alone.

    The drinking and driving would be my biggest concern.

    Let us know how it went!!