I'm trying hard to get my Christmas oomph back. I posted last week about easy child and I falling on the ice at the mall. Well that place is cursed for me this season I think. It took 3 days to lose the headache (first 2 days were full migraines) from the concussion from my head bouncing off the ice. My shoulder stopped throbbing 2 days ago. Most other muscles are feeling better. My leg is still swollen and bruised, a bulge size of a saucer hurts like the dickens. I lost a week of prepping for Christmas. I sucked it up because I couldn't do anything. I gave up a bunch of baking that is traditional, kids were good about it. I did zero shopping to finish for gifts and food, it was all left until today. S/O did the big cleaning all week in prep for guests most of the holidays. I still do have to get around to the nit picky details that I just can't let go of. I have let go of a lot and I'm feeling fine about that, not going to stress it. So today was the only day, like it or not, available for me to do my stuff. Had many mall stores to go to, had to research and find a good cell phone and plan for difficult child while there. It of course was nuts in there. Well S/O helped a ton, but a few times we seperated so he could finally shop for me. He had gone to pharmacy in walmart at the mall when I was looking in the store for pj's for a gift. He didn't mention secret shopping too. So I was lurking in pj section with a loaded cart of gifts from the stores in the main part of the mall. He took ages and I had a sudden urge to go pee. It was awful. With MS my bladder is awful and I struggle with. Urologist has done most all they can to help. I'm pretty good at staying on top of going frequently to avoid problems. Well since the fall, my bladder is haywire. I mentioned when I posted about falling that I had wet myself upon falling to the snow/ice. That was humiliating enough! Well there I was in Walmart and could not walk a single step forward to go towards bathrooms which were not nearby. Gave up on S/O showing up as one minute I was fun, the next minute the situation was desperate. It took me over 10 minutes to slowly make my way, short step by step, to the bathroom. I was fighting tears and so wretched feeling. I lurked each step stopping pretending to be checking out items I had no interest in. I simply couldn't walk with a normal stride because the most I could walk without crossing my legs was one or two steps and I'd have to stop and cross and , well, it was a true nightmare. I finally made it to the washrooms, where of course no carts may go. Abandoned over $300 of purchases already paid for, and made it in to the bathroom. Fortunately for me my cart was there with nothing missing when I came back out. Unfortunately for me, I had a serious problem in that I had lost control a bit many times attempting to get to the restrooms. I stuck to areas with no shopping traffic and lurked in shame waiting for S/O to surface. We had to leave the mall right away obviously without finishing shopping. Waiting 20 minutes out in the cold, wet, for a taxi. Came home and cried for a half hour in the shower. We then had to head out once again to a nearby plaza of stores to finish present shopping that I missed out on at walmart, and then the grocery store. My heart was no longer in the shopping thing which S/O and I normally enjoy. Honestly, I'm just fed up. It's been a long week and I've been valiantly determined to let go of my own expectations and desires for that "perfect maintenance of tradition". I relaxed all week so I'd feel better for actual Christmas. Just looked forward to a family dinner Im hosting, to a quiet day with the kids and S/O on the day we celebrate Christmas day (the 24th), and my baby sister arriving on the 27th. Then I wet myself in the bleeping store? Seriously? I'm 36 years old. I walk like a 70 year old with bad joints. I have a poofy steroid face going on. I can't lift even a 5 lb bag of potatoes at the grocery store or even carry a light shopping bag any distance. And now I'm losing control of my bladder in public. Today's incident seriously clobbered what was left of my Christmasy mood. I want to just laugh it up. heck I always laugh stuff off. It's just been a long week. And I'm a bit angry and resentful that my body is falling apart at the seams. Ugh! Okay vent over and anybody bored enough to have read it, you are worth your weight in gold and have the patience of a saint to waste your time reading such a pointless vent. I'm just trying to convince myself that tomorrow shall be a better day. I really NEED to get my focus back on the important things and I know it. Just need to DO it now. Focus on the kids, S/O, my much anticipated first ever visit with baby sister, my few special family members who will share a family games day and turkey dinner with us, the stuff that makes getting up everyday important to me. It might work if I could stop wondering why on earth my S/O at his age would want to stick around in this relationship when he's far too young to be carting his spouse out of a mall because she can't believe she'd have a need for DEPENDS in her mid 30's! *sigh* I'll feel better in the morning ... right?!?!?!