Completely Blindsided...

[ck1]

Well, thanks to a handy dandy program I put on difficult child's laptop, I'm able to see everything he does on it and he has no idea. I'm getting much more information than I ever wanted but I can't confront what I don't know about. If I didn't have this, I would think he's doing ok after returning from Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), unfortunately, that's not really the case.

He has changed his screen name on myspace to "Sniffy Cxxx" and he doesn't have a cold. My guess is that he's sniffin something. Actually, it's more than a guess because in one of his im conversations with a girl, he said that she'd be proud of him because a kid asked him if he "wanted to buy more blow". difficult child said no, but that tells me that he has before.

Also, he did a lot of searches to find out about the cough syrup mix Sizzurp. He also asked a girl to bring him some jolly ranchers to school today "for his mix". So right now, I'm sick to my stomach waiting for the school to call to say he's on his way to the hospital, the detention center, dead, or expelled.

I can't talk to husband right now because he's away on business and has important meetings today. I've left messages for difficult child's family-based therapist and case manager, and talked with his PO, but he can't come to drug test him today, maybe next week. Not that I think this sizzurp will show on a drug test, but I just don't know what to do.

I talked with difficult child last night and said that my instincts tell me that he's getting into drugs, but he won't admit anything. I've gone through his room and backpack but can't find anything. I've also drug tested him at home, but they've been negative. Obviously, we did it on the wrong days to catch him at anything. I am at a loss and have no idea what to do now. I feel like he's on the edge of disaster and I can't do anything to stop it. Any ideas?

 

[DDD]

Sometimes I envy the parents who live the "ignorance is bliss" lifestyle because before the blowup, they can be happy and serene. For six years I have lived "waiting" for the next disaster and now, it seems, that I will spend a lifetime having to practice "Detachment" to prevent my own health from imploding. I'm sorry for your stress and sending a cyber hug or two your way.

by the way, I asked my computer people about a keystroke program and they
insisted that the programs don't work as advertised etc. etc. If you are
have success I would like to know the pro/cons of your software. DDD

 

[ck1]

Hi DDD: Thanks for the quick response and the cyber hugs. I feel like I really need them today, it's hard to take care of my little ones when I'm awaiting disaster. I was living the "ignorance is bliss" before the last disaster that took him away from home for five months.

The program that we use definitely works. Believe me, he has no idea and I can see everything he does. It's called WebWatcher. I loaded it on his computer and there's no trace of it there. I think it still works if you share a computer but I'm not sure if it would be quite as good because I goto a website and log in to see everything he's doing. If we shared a easy child, then he'd be able to see the sites I've gone to.

This program allows me to see websites, im/chat, takes screenshots, email, and keystrokes. It also shows the date and time. The only thing that doesn't work well on it is blocking content. I'd like to be able to block some websites (think teenage boy) and it doesn't work. They say it has the capability to do that, but I disagree. To me, the most important thing is reading his im/chats and viewing the websites visited and that does work, so I consider the program a success.

 

[meowbunny]

I'm so sorry things haven't really gotten better. It really stinks when we work so hard to give our kids good tools but they choose to let the tools rust and go back to the old ways. No advice, just HUGS.

 

[BusynMember]

I don't know how to help you, other than to give you hugs. My daughter, who once abused, tells me, "Never trust a drug addict." Many of our kids claim they are clean or that they only smoke pot or only drink and it's a lie. I didn't find out how bad it was for my daughter until after she quit. But if I'd known, I still couldn't have forced her into treatment. At that age, it's up to them. If you give him money, I'd cut it off completely and at least make him work a real job to buy his dope.
I'd tell him I was tracking him online. Once my daughter started using drugs, she knew that everything in the house was fair game for me to stick my nose in. She got angry, but I didn't care--I wanted to help her.

 

[DDD]

Thanks for the info. We have separate computers but I would monitor it from my business computer so there wouldn't be any overlap. Good luck
trying to find "your" comfort zone. It's an individual challenge, for sure!
DDD

 

[ck1]

Well, I drug tested my difficult child tonight. I used a PCP test because I know that it can also pick up high doses of OTC medications. After the test showed positive, difficult child admitted to taking five "triple C's". He said that he hated how it made him feel and won't do it again, but I doubt he would tell me if he liked it.

I sent an email to his PO telling him exactly what I said above and said that this is a violation of his consent decree and difficult child must answer to it somehow and to please let me know how this will be handled.

I'm a little nervous now, but know that not telling his PO is not the right thing to do. I'm happy that I caught him but UUgghh!!! I hate this! Why can't they (difficult child's) just do what they're supposed to and stay away from drugs?????

 

[susiestar]

I'm sorry. THis stinks for you. I am clueless about why kids do this stuff.

Hugs,

Susie

 

[NOLA]

I am so sorry to hear that.. I wish we could reach them someway somehow..HUGS from me too. -- NOLA

 

[WhymeMom?]

Glad you tested him and sorry he tested positive. You did the right thing by reporting to PO. PO may ignore the information, but that's PO's call. Just wanted to add that just because he talks about it on the computer doesn't actually mean that is what is going on. I would not let him know you have the info or how you got it, cause then you will lose your "info line", but keep him off balance by letting him know you are watching and you will be drug testing.....as you have done. Some difficult child's talk bigger than the activities they are actually doing, so don't rush in with the drug test every time...but he needs to know where the line is.....are you prepared to deal with consequences? How many dirty tests means he leaves home? You need to go over the answers with husband because these things always happen when they are out of town....been there done that......best of luck.......thinking of you......

 

[ck1]

Thanks for all of the support! Much needed and appreciated!

WhyMeMom...you bring up some great points and questions. Regarding PO, I'm thinking I won't allow him to ignore it. He may not want to sanction difficult child for one dirty drug test, but I at least expect him to come out, address it, and scare the he*l out of difficult child. I'm also going to try to have difficult child moved to a different probation office. Actually, it's the one that started the PSST support group that Ant's Mom has posted about. Two PO's started that group and it is an excellent parent support group, as are the PO's. One of them is the supervisor and anyone that reports to her would be great.

I definitely won't let difficult child know how I'm getting the information, so far I've been lucky to come up with different reasons/ways of telling him I either know about something or I'm concerned. For example, I knew some things because of my program; but, I had husband go through difficult child's online history with difficult child, and that's how he thinks we know about the searches for sizzurp.

I think you're also right that he may not be doing as much as I'm reading about. Some of it may be talking big just to kind of "find his place". He truly has not been himself or really felt like he has really good friends since he broke his neck and we moved here two years ago. It's been awful since then.

Our county has a program called Act 53 which says we can have difficult child involuntarily committed to a D&A treatment center for 90 days (I think) so if it comes to that, we'll do it. I'll probably determine when it's time to go that route by talking with the PO's at the support group. They work with this stuff everyday and know a lot more than me and I trust them to give me good information. I don't want to get too ahead of myself by thinking difficult child has to go with one dirty drug test; however, I will admit that was kinda my first thought but after a few deep breaths I got past that it.

Again, thanks for the support and I welcome all ideas and comments that may help...anything that may help me get to my difficult child!