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Computer help...I think husband is "surfing"
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 17137" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>You have daughters who could be vulnerable. This COULD justify spying on computer use in the family, but you need to really think through your options and the consequences of following each option.</p><p></p><p>My husband - I know he trawls through some odd stuff at times, but he talks to me about it. Sometimes he has to because of aspects of his job, but while he mightn't go into details (which he finds distasteful) he still is open about it.</p><p></p><p>If you think your husband is viewing porn - be aware, it's a bloke thing. Males are generally testosterone-driven and viewing porn is just something most of them do. It generally has little bearing on your relationship with them. But if he knows it bothers you, then he will try to hide it. You can choose to accept that he views porn (and ask him to view it with you, if you can stand it - then make sure you get to view YOUR stuff, in HIS presence) or accept that he will continue to do what men tend to do, but keep it secret from you so as to not upset you.</p><p></p><p>In the same way I would buy condoms for my kids in the supermarket while they were with me (nothing so off-putting about teenage sex, than having mum supply your condoms!) I also used to buy porn mags for husband. And yes, some of them DO have good articles. But I also read a lot of articles about female exploitation and made difficult child 1 read them when HE began reading porn in his teens. Looking up "dead porn stars" in Google is quite an education. It's very hard to like porn after such a reality check.</p><p></p><p>But blokes WILL fantasise. They are not merely women with deep voices. Their brains work differently, their hormones work differently and they DO have their uses for us women. But you can't make men THINK like women. Women tend to think laterally, in spirals ono the way to the main target of the thought. Men tend to think in straight lines. You do get some overlap - men and women capable of thinking like the opposite sex - but they are the exception rather than the rule.</p><p></p><p>Your husband may be up to no good, or he may be getting some illicit fun. You can choose to confront him about it, ask him what he's up to. Only you know how he'll respond. He may say, "Don't be silly! Nothing's up!" and from that point on, be far more careful about hiding his tracks, and put up even bigger barriers with you. or he may 'fess up and admit what he's been doing - if it's porn-viewing, I wouldn't get too mad apart from the crud it's flooding you with as a result. Teach him about safe viewing habits, same as you have to teach your girls.</p><p>But I would point out - think about the daughters. What if he were viewing porn and saw THEIR pictures? Not good. And what if they view the pop-ups you're getting? "Hmm, here's an ad on how to make lots of money, AND break into films - let's email off a headshot, sis!"</p><p></p><p>He may be visiting chat rooms, pretending to be a virile young thirty-something. Harmless fun, right? he might think. But it's very bad to be deceitful, even online, because at the other end is someone very vulnerable who could turn very nasty. And it sounds like he's NOT good at covering his tracks. Hire a DVD of "Fatal Attraction" with Glenn Close & Michael Douglas. Make him sit with you and watch it, for a romantic evening in.</p><p></p><p>Whatever you choose to do, you must be prepared to live with the results. But viewing porn, fantasising about sex with Catherine Zeta-Jones - don't kill him for it. And don't blame 'the other woman' either. </p><p></p><p>My recommendation - sort it out with him. But not if you can't handle it. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 17137, member: 1991"] You have daughters who could be vulnerable. This COULD justify spying on computer use in the family, but you need to really think through your options and the consequences of following each option. My husband - I know he trawls through some odd stuff at times, but he talks to me about it. Sometimes he has to because of aspects of his job, but while he mightn't go into details (which he finds distasteful) he still is open about it. If you think your husband is viewing porn - be aware, it's a bloke thing. Males are generally testosterone-driven and viewing porn is just something most of them do. It generally has little bearing on your relationship with them. But if he knows it bothers you, then he will try to hide it. You can choose to accept that he views porn (and ask him to view it with you, if you can stand it - then make sure you get to view YOUR stuff, in HIS presence) or accept that he will continue to do what men tend to do, but keep it secret from you so as to not upset you. In the same way I would buy condoms for my kids in the supermarket while they were with me (nothing so off-putting about teenage sex, than having mum supply your condoms!) I also used to buy porn mags for husband. And yes, some of them DO have good articles. But I also read a lot of articles about female exploitation and made difficult child 1 read them when HE began reading porn in his teens. Looking up "dead porn stars" in Google is quite an education. It's very hard to like porn after such a reality check. But blokes WILL fantasise. They are not merely women with deep voices. Their brains work differently, their hormones work differently and they DO have their uses for us women. But you can't make men THINK like women. Women tend to think laterally, in spirals ono the way to the main target of the thought. Men tend to think in straight lines. You do get some overlap - men and women capable of thinking like the opposite sex - but they are the exception rather than the rule. Your husband may be up to no good, or he may be getting some illicit fun. You can choose to confront him about it, ask him what he's up to. Only you know how he'll respond. He may say, "Don't be silly! Nothing's up!" and from that point on, be far more careful about hiding his tracks, and put up even bigger barriers with you. or he may 'fess up and admit what he's been doing - if it's porn-viewing, I wouldn't get too mad apart from the crud it's flooding you with as a result. Teach him about safe viewing habits, same as you have to teach your girls. But I would point out - think about the daughters. What if he were viewing porn and saw THEIR pictures? Not good. And what if they view the pop-ups you're getting? "Hmm, here's an ad on how to make lots of money, AND break into films - let's email off a headshot, sis!" He may be visiting chat rooms, pretending to be a virile young thirty-something. Harmless fun, right? he might think. But it's very bad to be deceitful, even online, because at the other end is someone very vulnerable who could turn very nasty. And it sounds like he's NOT good at covering his tracks. Hire a DVD of "Fatal Attraction" with Glenn Close & Michael Douglas. Make him sit with you and watch it, for a romantic evening in. Whatever you choose to do, you must be prepared to live with the results. But viewing porn, fantasising about sex with Catherine Zeta-Jones - don't kill him for it. And don't blame 'the other woman' either. My recommendation - sort it out with him. But not if you can't handle it. Marg [/QUOTE]
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