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General Parenting
Concern for Depressed Son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 661392" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>You would probably do best if you posted on the forum "Parent Emeritus" about adult children (over 18).</p><p></p><p>Hon, I feel f or you and your son. But depression is not about what his childhood was like. It is a biological condition and, yes, he needs treatment and probably medication if he is so bad he is suicidal and cutting. Are you s ure he does not take drugs? Has he been traumatized?</p><p></p><p>If it were me, and I know it isn't, but I would take the car away because he is suicidal and probably a dangerous driver and because he is using it to run away. If you are paying for that car, you are responsible for it too.</p><p></p><p>The laws in the U.S. are very bad about getting help for our loved ones. After 18 the short answer is, we can't. He has to do it himself and be compliant with his treatment. I feel he needs to see a psychiatrist first, the guy with the MD.If he liked any from the hospital, he can become a private patient or he can find another one. But he needs a diagnosis and probably medication.</p><p></p><p>There is no magic way to get through to him about getting help. If he doesn't want to, then I would tell him that we are done paying for his toys until he does and I would tell him he also had to sign a form saying you are allowed to talk to his psychiatrist. This would be so you could make sure he is really going for help. I would not allow him to drive around all day, or lay at home, and not get the help he despeartely needs. You can't make himl do it, but you can put the screws on him so he will lose a lot if he doesn't.</p><p></p><p>He does not sound psychotic. He does not have hallucinations or delusions, does he? If not, breathe a big sign of relief. There is lots of hope for depression. I have suffered depression all my life, since as far back as I can remember. I wasn't a cutter, but I did think about suicide. When I became an adult I got help right away and at 61 have continue to do medications and therapy, and stay away from things that hurt me like drugs and alcohol, and my life is good. But it was MY decision to get help and continue to stay mentally healthy and not quit after I felt a bit better, and this too has to be your son's decision and action.</p><p></p><p>I hope something you can bargain over, like shutting off the internet or cell phone or both, propel him to getting consistent help and don't let him tell you pot is his medicine. That doesn't help depression. I tried it. Alcohol is a depressant so that's even worse.</p><p></p><p>If he is currently smoking pot and drinking, he is only making it worse. In fact, that alone may be what is really going on with him. If you are not sure, search his room when he's not home. He's living in your house...you have a right to snoop to try to see what is really going on. I'd personally check his cell phone messages too. If you don't kow w hat you are dealing with, it is difficult to know which tack to take. If it truly is just depression/suicidal thoughts then I think my idea to remove his toys until he gets help is solid and could work. If it is also drugs, that's a whole other story.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 661392, member: 1550"] You would probably do best if you posted on the forum "Parent Emeritus" about adult children (over 18). Hon, I feel f or you and your son. But depression is not about what his childhood was like. It is a biological condition and, yes, he needs treatment and probably medication if he is so bad he is suicidal and cutting. Are you s ure he does not take drugs? Has he been traumatized? If it were me, and I know it isn't, but I would take the car away because he is suicidal and probably a dangerous driver and because he is using it to run away. If you are paying for that car, you are responsible for it too. The laws in the U.S. are very bad about getting help for our loved ones. After 18 the short answer is, we can't. He has to do it himself and be compliant with his treatment. I feel he needs to see a psychiatrist first, the guy with the MD.If he liked any from the hospital, he can become a private patient or he can find another one. But he needs a diagnosis and probably medication. There is no magic way to get through to him about getting help. If he doesn't want to, then I would tell him that we are done paying for his toys until he does and I would tell him he also had to sign a form saying you are allowed to talk to his psychiatrist. This would be so you could make sure he is really going for help. I would not allow him to drive around all day, or lay at home, and not get the help he despeartely needs. You can't make himl do it, but you can put the screws on him so he will lose a lot if he doesn't. He does not sound psychotic. He does not have hallucinations or delusions, does he? If not, breathe a big sign of relief. There is lots of hope for depression. I have suffered depression all my life, since as far back as I can remember. I wasn't a cutter, but I did think about suicide. When I became an adult I got help right away and at 61 have continue to do medications and therapy, and stay away from things that hurt me like drugs and alcohol, and my life is good. But it was MY decision to get help and continue to stay mentally healthy and not quit after I felt a bit better, and this too has to be your son's decision and action. I hope something you can bargain over, like shutting off the internet or cell phone or both, propel him to getting consistent help and don't let him tell you pot is his medicine. That doesn't help depression. I tried it. Alcohol is a depressant so that's even worse. If he is currently smoking pot and drinking, he is only making it worse. In fact, that alone may be what is really going on with him. If you are not sure, search his room when he's not home. He's living in your house...you have a right to snoop to try to see what is really going on. I'd personally check his cell phone messages too. If you don't kow w hat you are dealing with, it is difficult to know which tack to take. If it truly is just depression/suicidal thoughts then I think my idea to remove his toys until he gets help is solid and could work. If it is also drugs, that's a whole other story. [/QUOTE]
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