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Concern for Depressed Son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 661405" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Notgivingup, I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation with your son. So many of us here are in similar circumstances with troubled adult children and little or no control.</p><p></p><p>The only thing I can say with assurance is that you will learn and receive support here on the board. I was completely ill-equipped to handle the problems of my child. I still am.</p><p></p><p>The only thing I know with respect to my own adult child is that I have no control. I cannot help him. He can only help himself.</p><p></p><p>The only thing that you have any control over is yourself and your home.</p><p>I agree with SWOT, about the possibility that your son experienced a trauma or finds himself facing a problem to which he has no solution.</p><p></p><p>There are so many causes of depression. There could be some underlying disorder which needs to be addressed through medication. Or, some kids become depressed over something that they feel guilty or ashamed about.</p><p></p><p>The cutting also is not easily explained.</p><p></p><p>It may not be easy to get him to talk about it. Which is the crux of things. Your son holds all of the cards. The only power you have with him is to withhold things. You cannot make him do that which he does not want to do.</p><p></p><p>My son has a serious and mortal disease for which he requires medication. Twice he has stopped. I could pressure him to start again. I do not think I will. Because I see that I cannot control whether he continues. And I fear that it is worse if he starts and stops. What can I do?</p><p></p><p>I have thought about trying to get a conservatorship, so that I can oversee decisions that impact upon his living or dying. Is this what I want? To take away my son's autonomy and any hope there may be of his maturing?</p><p></p><p>These are horrible and heart-breaking situations we find ourselves in. Without answers, let alone easy ones.</p><p></p><p>The only answers lie in our children, that they mature to find their own solutions. But where does that leave us? All I want is that my son live long enough to mature. Is that too much to ask?</p><p></p><p>The solutions cannot come from us. The thing is we really do not know what our kids are doing.</p><p></p><p>My son, for example, has become attracted to apocalyptic conspiracy theories and he has come to believe that the world will end in August or September. Obviously he had problems before, or such a thing would not hold appeal to him. He encountered this way of thinking on the internet.</p><p></p><p>I am not clear whether your son is still traveling or if he has returned home. I agree with SWOT, when he returns home I would apply pressure on him to find help. I would not allow him to hide out. There has to be the expectation that he seek help and seek a solution. Whether you can force him to do so is not the point. As his parents you will have taken a stand.</p><p></p><p>I am at the point where I am trying to change myself, so that I am not destroyed by my worry about my son.</p><p></p><p>The parents here on this board understand. Most of us are struggling with similar things, or have in the past.</p><p></p><p>I am relatively new here too. In just 3 months I have learned so much about how to help myself, and my son.</p><p></p><p>What I have learned is that I am a separate person from my son. I know that sounds obvious but I never really understood this as I do now.</p><p></p><p>I cannot keep on feeling the distress and terror that I feel from choices over which I have no control. It does not help my son and it for sure does not help me.</p><p></p><p>You are not alone. I hope you keep posting. Take care.</p><p></p><p>IC If I may ask, what kinds of professionals helped you and your son to find the correct diagnosis?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 661405, member: 18958"] Notgivingup, I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation with your son. So many of us here are in similar circumstances with troubled adult children and little or no control. The only thing I can say with assurance is that you will learn and receive support here on the board. I was completely ill-equipped to handle the problems of my child. I still am. The only thing I know with respect to my own adult child is that I have no control. I cannot help him. He can only help himself. The only thing that you have any control over is yourself and your home. I agree with SWOT, about the possibility that your son experienced a trauma or finds himself facing a problem to which he has no solution. There are so many causes of depression. There could be some underlying disorder which needs to be addressed through medication. Or, some kids become depressed over something that they feel guilty or ashamed about. The cutting also is not easily explained. It may not be easy to get him to talk about it. Which is the crux of things. Your son holds all of the cards. The only power you have with him is to withhold things. You cannot make him do that which he does not want to do. My son has a serious and mortal disease for which he requires medication. Twice he has stopped. I could pressure him to start again. I do not think I will. Because I see that I cannot control whether he continues. And I fear that it is worse if he starts and stops. What can I do? I have thought about trying to get a conservatorship, so that I can oversee decisions that impact upon his living or dying. Is this what I want? To take away my son's autonomy and any hope there may be of his maturing? These are horrible and heart-breaking situations we find ourselves in. Without answers, let alone easy ones. The only answers lie in our children, that they mature to find their own solutions. But where does that leave us? All I want is that my son live long enough to mature. Is that too much to ask? The solutions cannot come from us. The thing is we really do not know what our kids are doing. My son, for example, has become attracted to apocalyptic conspiracy theories and he has come to believe that the world will end in August or September. Obviously he had problems before, or such a thing would not hold appeal to him. He encountered this way of thinking on the internet. I am not clear whether your son is still traveling or if he has returned home. I agree with SWOT, when he returns home I would apply pressure on him to find help. I would not allow him to hide out. There has to be the expectation that he seek help and seek a solution. Whether you can force him to do so is not the point. As his parents you will have taken a stand. I am at the point where I am trying to change myself, so that I am not destroyed by my worry about my son. The parents here on this board understand. Most of us are struggling with similar things, or have in the past. I am relatively new here too. In just 3 months I have learned so much about how to help myself, and my son. What I have learned is that I am a separate person from my son. I know that sounds obvious but I never really understood this as I do now. I cannot keep on feeling the distress and terror that I feel from choices over which I have no control. It does not help my son and it for sure does not help me. You are not alone. I hope you keep posting. Take care. IC If I may ask, what kinds of professionals helped you and your son to find the correct diagnosis? [/QUOTE]
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