Concerned...Not Sure What To Do

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BloodiedButUnbowed, Mar 27, 2019.

  1. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Hello friends,

    After months of absolutely no news regarding either DS or YS, we received troubling information from another relative who made contact with YS over the weekend via text.

    This relative (who has mental illness issues as well) reached out to W and said that YS in particular was unstable and making threats - nothing specific was disclosed by the relative - and that "personal safety" was potentially something we all needed to be concerned about. Again, nothing specific was disclosed.

    W isn't sure how much credence to give this relative's account. I am of the opinion that given all of the history, this is serious enough that authorities need to be involved, including the police in both YS' town and our own. (We live about an hour apart which is a blessing, because it is a deterrent to him.)

    W is stunned, I think, and not sure what to do, and I am struggling with how involved I should be at this point.

    If either my or W's personal safety is at risk, even if it's a very small risk, I feel it's prudent to take protective action. I also want YS to get the help he so obviously needs.

    It would be very difficult if not impossible for YS to access our home. I would be more concerned that he would lie in wait outside, or that he would ambush W at her work.

    I am less concerned that I would be his target, although I do think the chances of that are higher than zero at this point.

    W did call F to let him know about these developments and F was planning to discuss it with YS. I encouraged W to also notify YS' therapists. I don't know that she will.

    Any feedback welcome.
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry for this new twist. It's difficult to know if the mentally ill relative is telling the truth and not pushing theories, however, if it were me, I would notify the authorities that you perceive a potential threat and discuss options with them. It seems important to notify someone........and at the same time to alert them that the source of the information is compromised. At least you'd have taken some action to protect yourselves, even if the threat is bogus. Being especially alert and mindful for your wife seems prudent as well.

    I think it's valuable to take precautions without falling into're a very level headed, thoughtful woman, trust your instincts. Please keep us posted.
  3. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I think the response you describe sounds responsible, prudent and non-reactive.

    But the thing is, having not received specific information about the threats, given that the informant may not be stable, I might start with informing the child's therapist. Here in my state a therapist has a specific legal mandate to inform police and any potential victim if there is an imminent threat, as well as take deliberate steps to see that the person making the threat is hospitalized for a period of time.

    The thing is, I do not understand what "personal safety" means. How can you have "personal safety" if somebody attacks you, unawares. I understand personal hygiene and personal ethics, because we have control over these things. What is this person suggesting, that you arm yourselves? I think that there is not enough information here for either you or the police to take appropriate steps, because you do not know the nature of the threat.

    I think you need more information from this relative. I don't think it would be wrong to call the police. I am just wondering if based upon this information you have whether it is actionable.

    It's very concerning about YS. About his stability and potential to come to harm. I wonder if involving Child Protective Services might be an option as well. Because this is about his welfare too.

    I am sorry you and your wife are having to deal with this again. Things had really settled down.
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    It is so hard to know what to do in a situation like this. I do think you need to prepare yourselves to be able to act defensively if YS does attempt to harm you. It is up to you how you choose to defend yourself. You probably can take some basic safety precautions such as keeping lights on outside all night, always being aware of your surroundings, etc.... If you have an automatic garage door, NEVER get out of the car until the door is all the way down and you have looked around the garage. Also do NOT leave your driveway until the door is fully closed. Most garage doors have sensors that stop the door is there is something in the way. A soccer ball can be rolled under the door and that will trigger it to go up. If you leave before the door is all the way down, it is really easy for someone to send it back up again (with most automatic garage door openers).

    Chances are the police won't be much help. They can help with basic safety tips and maybe tell you where to find a self defense class, but until YS makes a threat to you or he is violent to you, they won't be able to offer much to really help. Not because they won't want to help, but because the law won't let them.

    I am sorry you are having to cope with this.