condoms

[amazeofgrace]

hmmmm went into difficult child I's room to "borrow" some cash for difficult child II to go get pizza and found two condoms in the secret box under his bed (that he does not know I know about I guess) I guess I should not be shocked he will be 17 in June. I still do not think he knows what to do with them, I never even see him kiss his girlfriend. I guess I will know how true that is when they disappear or gather dust. Would it be bad if I bought an econo pack of them and put them in the secret box???Sigh....

 

[Abbey]

I'm thinking he KNOWS what to do with them at 17. Hopefully he's doing it.

Abbey

 

[Star*]

I remember when I found a condom in my sons, best friends (my other kid's) backpack - I did their laundry and he said "Just put it in my back pack" and I nearly croaked.

Since Dude is such a snoop and a thief - (sigh) I figured he was not far behind in following in his brothers footsteps - but waited until I had figured out something clever to say -

A few days later with Dude alone I said -"Your brother's condoms accidentally fell out when I put his laundry in his backpack - I hope you have a safer place for yours - they really shouldn't be left somewhere in the sun to ruin - (kids always leaving them on the porch. And Dude looked at me and said "Well you took THAT well Mom" and I said "I'd rather look at a condom wrapper than a baby blanket. - you can get bags of them free at the health department you know." and that was about it.

Not what I had planned - but it's not MY life. (repeat) lol.

 

[klmno]

I guess I would try to find a way to discuss it with him- obviously, it is better to find condoms than to hear that you have a grandbaby on the way when he is 16 or 17. And, if you've never seen any signs of a girlfriend at all, he might have just been ini a position where he "looked better" to other guys to take a couple than to say he didn't have any use for them.

 

[amazeofgrace]

well he says he has a "gerl" but she is 14 and from another town, I have met her, he does talk to her all the time, and he was with her at the carnival on Friday but there wasn't even any hand holding, so i am not sure what to think, but he did pay for her (one thig I am proud of)

 

[Hound dog]

I hope you told him you were proud of him for thinking about birthcontrol and not just assuming the girl should take care of it.

And I hope you told him you were proud of him for thinking to protect himself from the STD's out there and of course the big one AIDS.

It can be a tough pill to swallow when we discover our kids are / or probably are sexually active. Sort of a slap in the face. But I think how we handle that discovery does alot for the day they may need to ask a serious question and need a real answer from someone they can trust.

Sex is a big time open topic around here. Always has been, always will be. Both my girls came to me when they thought they might become sexually active, and together we sought out birth control and bought comdoms. Since both my girls got preggers in high school it didn't do a whole lot in preventing pregnancy, but neither got an STD. And I never truely expected them to remain virgins til they married or even graduated, not in this day and age. Although I did my best to talk them into it.

((hugs))

 

[mstang67chic]

My difficult child is 18 and we first found condoms in his room a couple of years ago. (gotta give him credit! my boy ain't shy! LOL HIS were right out in the open on his dresser)

husband had a talk with him and also discovered that the condoms were so old they were likely to disentigrate if used. In our case, difficult child wasn't (and isn't as of yet) sexually active. I think he had them either to be "cool" or juuuuust in case.

 

[WhymeMom?]

I never even see him kiss his girlfriend. Sigh....

Can't imagine he would let himself be seen by his mom kissing a girl......
He may just want to "be prepared in case".......such a boyscout.......

If you put the economy pack there he will know that someone is aware of his secret hiding place.....I am thinking I would just do the dust check....

But if he has them hidden under his bed does he carry one with him? Looks like "a talk" might be appropriate......good luck!

 

[Nomad]

It's nice to see such open talk about this subject.
I think probably the best attitude is to discourage casual sex (there are numerous really good reasons as to why). While at the same, letting your children know that you are open to them using birth control if they find it needed. I think sex before marriage has been going on for eons, it just was NOT discussed and young people did not get adequate help.

 

[susiestar]

I am quite open on this with my kids. Not only do the older 2 know about condoms and birth control, they know that I will buy it for them no questions asked. Even Wizard has been told that all he needs to do is tell me he needs tehm and I will go buy them.

I would FAR rather buy condoms than baby blankets or medications to treat a disease (hoping it would be a cureable disease, but most likely not, with Wzard's luck).

so far I haven't been aware of either having a need for them, but I am sure the day will come.

I would problem put the econo pack on the dresser, NOT in the secret box. Just leave a note that you know he has a girlfriend, he is too young to be a dad or get a disease, and you are available if he has any questions or needs to talk. and then I would just let it be.

susie

 

[Shari]

I buy economy packs and put them in the medicine chest. I used to think it was difficult child 1 taking them, but he's long gone, and they still disappear. I now think its probably the friends that stop by, and probably was when difficult child 1 was still here, too.

I don't care if they do "steal" them from me. I buy more economy packs and put them in the bathroom and hope any little snoops that stop by help themselves.

 

[slsh]

When thank you was admitted in March, they gave us his personal belongings. Because I absolutely am an unapologetic snoop when it comes to him, I went thru his wallet and found a condom (right next to the occult store business card - barf). Honestly, I don't know if it's needed or not... but... and this just cracked me up... He called from the hospital the next day and said "Mom, don't go through my wallet". I told him that that was like waiving a red flag in front of my face and that now I would *have* to (of course, already had) so he'd better tell me what was in there. He did. I got to once again voice my preference for chastity until marriage (I know, probably a pipe dream, but if it stalls the kids for a couple of years, I'm happy) but I did praise him for being responsible. That study about STDs in teen girls had just come out so I got to throw in another discussion about STDs and how not all of them are symptomatic in guys, long-term negative effects, yada yada yada. I'm *trying* to foster in him a little more awareness than what I recall teen boys as having, especially in terms of respect and responsibility towards partners.

I had to laugh though - no question, he wanted me to know it was there. He said he thought I would be "mad". I told him that while I'd prefer he'd wait, I will *never* be mad at him for protecting himself and his partners.

I'm still hoping it's for show, though.