Welcome. You will find a lot of info, others with experiences, and support here. Even if others wouldn't do what you decide is best, we will still SUPPORT you.
AND We have ALL dealt with really tough kids. We have no concrete formulas, but we do have a lot of info and love. I am glad you found us, but very sorry you need us.
WHAT exactly lead the doctor to these diagnoses? What is getting him the aide, the IEP, the suspensions, etc... What behaviors are you coping with??
Abilify is an atypical antipsychotic. It is helpful with anger and rages. It will not stabilize moods, from what I understand. My son had a horrible rash the first time, they had us stop it, then start it a week after the rash went away completely. The second time he had trouble breathing. But this is NOT a unique reaction for HIM - he did this with a LOT of medications. Many here have kids on abilify with good results.
At age 12, I would look for a new psychiatrist, and a developmental pediatrician. A developmental pediatrician will look at his development to see what went on and what is going on. We had the BEST testing done there, by a large team.
Neauropsychs also have a reputation for doing very good testing, but we got a lemon. He did very little, his oral report of what he saw was completely opposite and contrary to his written report. But MANY MANY have had EXCELLENT results from neuropsychiatrists.
Based on the book that gives the descriptions of disorders and the criteria for them, a person under 18 CANNOT be diagnosed with conduct disorder. I would ignore this, personally. After a very good cry and a bubble bath with a book (pref a book with no socially redeeming value that would provide a good escape for a little while!).
ODD is a set of behaviors that is tough to handle but very very very RARELY
stands alone. It is more of a SYMPTOM of a problem, like barfing is a symptom of a virus or flu.
SOMETHING else is going on. YOU have MOMMY INSTINCTS and know your child best. Right now you are upset and confused and hurt. That is sad but OK. After you cope with your feelings, it is time to play detective to find out what is really going on.
At 12 my son was beating me. We had to move him out. He had been on medications, therapies, you name it. Now, at 16, he is a good student (mostly), has friends, and is preparing for a future. He deeply regrets the abuse he heaped on his siblings and me. There is HOPE.
I am not sure where you are in Ohio. We lived in Cincinnati and had a wonderful psychiatrist (psychiatrist) and set of psychologists (tdocs) at Cinci's children's hospital. I will be happy to send the names in a private message, if you would like them. The psychiatrist NAILED difficult child's diagnosis on the FIRST visit, but she sent us home to think about it before we proceeded with any type of treatment. She always was a straight shooter with us. Her husband was a therapist there and ran amazing social skills groups.
If you are in Cleveland I might be able to find some other resources there as I have relatives there.
Please don't think this is a prediction of doom. This is a set of docs who just don't have a grip.
While you wait to get into other docs, we have a Parent Report form on the board that can help cut through the paperwork and make things run smoother for you.
If you go to the General Archives part of the forum and then click on the LAST PAGE the entry at the BOTTOM will show you the entry that is the Parent Report. It is a way of setting up the info you have/know on your child's medical history from conception on. It helps when you have to answer all the questions on the intake forms, and helps give the docs a picture of your child and your goals and dreams for your child. I highly recommend creating one, and taking on the creation a small chunk at a time.
Sending big HUGS and lots of support,
Susie