Conference tomorrow- homework main topic

[navineja]

I have scheduled a conference with N's teacher for tomorrow to discuss the homework issue. I am still new to the way that all this works (being that the twins are only in 1st grade), so I am just looking for some ideas on how to best present this. The teacher is aware of the problems with the hw at home, but has no trouble with N doing work at school. I am not even really sure what it is that I want to do or tell her, beyond the fact that I want the screaming and defiance to GO AWAY! (I know, I know...)
Last week homework and behavior was excellent, due to N and J knowing that getting to do something special on Thursday depended on cooperation. So then Friday started the downhill slide. Saturday J melted down and put a kink in a family time, which upset husband a lot. (So then he was a bit difficult child himself and has stayed that way all week! Love him to death though.) Then Monday was a total homework disaster with N. I did just basically ignore her except to tell her that she was welcome to join the rest of us when she finished. After about 3 hours, I gave her something to eat and sent her to bed. The next day, the teacher "put her on yellow" (color code used at school for behavior) for not doing her homework and told her that whenever she didn't finish, that would be the consequence. Herein lies my dilema: We have not had problems since the teacher did this and I am loving the peace, BUT I am not sure that this is the best approach. Since this is a problem with defiance toward Mom, should it be handled by the teacher? Will this help N develop the proper attitude toward doing what she needs to at home? I am not really sure how to put into words what I am trying to say, but hopefully someone out there gets me. Basically, I am torn between having peace in the home by letting the teacher handle it, and feeling like I am shirking my responsibility towards N and her training.
So, I turn to all of you that have been there done that and ask that you share some of your wisdom with poor confused me. :please: Do I thank the teacher for the consequence she imposed and stop there or do I (after thanking her) let her know that we are going to handle this differently? Then what? I am so lost on this, b'c I really enjoy being able to relax with the girls after school, but I don't want that if it is bad for N in the long run.
I know I have rambled, but thanks for your understanding and TIA for your advice.

 

[Calista]

Is this the same consequence that the other kids are getting for not doing their homework? I think it's great because, ultimately, homework is a function of school/education and should therefore, ultimately, be conseqenced by the teacher. I say you should still inforce your consequences at home and let the teacher inforce hers, too. Whatever get compliance out of a difficult child and is above the law I say, GO FOR IT!

 

[crazymama30]

I think it is appropiate that the consequence comes from school since that is where homework comes from. I think it is great.

 

[SaraT]

I am with Calista and crazymom on this one.

One less thing to fight about at home is GOOD.

Teacher understanding and helping is excellent. Go teacher. :bravo:

I would let the teacher do her thing on the homework consequence and you do your thing on the home consequence. Never hurts to have double reinforcement.(in my humble opinion)

 

[wakeupcall]

All of our doctors over all the years have told us to let school fight the school battles. Do NOT bring it home for another war at home. It has helped so much for us. We seldom follow up with some kind of consequence at home.....but his consequences at school are his consequences.