After reading several posts and answers, I've decided to post here because your knowledge and expertise through experience is evident. My son turned 3 two two weeks ago. At his three year old check up, he had a tantrum/meltdown that caused his pediatrician to want to refer him to a counselor. I was shocked and dismayed. His doctor used the words oppositional defiance which I'm familiar with. I've taught 4th and 5th grade for 8 years and have taught many children with this diagnosis in conjunction with ADHD. Let me describe the situation at the doctor's office and then I will describe my son's general behavior. Office Visit: To begin, my son has always had a strong fear of the pediatrician, especially when they pull out any "gadgets" (cuff that goes on finger or heel to measure oxygen levels, finger prick tools, etc.) He's fine with the stethoscope and the common tools that are used all the time. At this last visit, it was the blood pressure cuff that set him off. He had never had his blood pressure taken and when the nurse put it on his arm he immediately tried to undo the Velcro and said he didn't like it. She tried it again and couldn't get an accurate reading because he was screaming at this point and wouldn't sit still. She went on to check his height, weight, eyes and came back to it. He still refused and tried to kick at her. She started to get impatient and told him he would not be able to leave until he let her do it. She then immediately stuck his finger for blood without warning. He obviously cried and screamed louder. He did allow her to put a bandaide on and kept it on because I told him his blood would go all over the place. (In the past, this is what he would always do.) She then left the room and said that the doctor would not see him unless he would let her take if BiPolar (BP). I kept after him to allow the nurse to do this. He continued to scream until he was hoarse and wanted only to put on his shoes and leave. The doctor finally came in, without the BiPolar (BP). He put my boy back on the table. He had calmed down some was was still quietly sobbing. He let him look in ears, nose, but would not open mouth long enough to look in throat. Dr. immediately leaned him back and held him down and told me to hold arms...which I was used to because he often is not compliant at the doctors. Son began screaming again and kicking at doctor. This is when doctor suggested counseling because son had had tantrums at doctor in past. I was taken aback. He asked if son had tantrums at home. I said some, but he did not allow me to elaborate or anything. I left the office crying. My son almost always is sweet and caring. He can get angry and when he does he will scream loudly and sometimes lightly push at myself or his father. This is not a daily occurrence. The most trouble we have with him is not listening. We often have to tell him to do things several times and eventually have to give him and either or like pick up your toys or you will sit time out. He picks the right thing to do 98% of the time. We give him time outs in his room. He always calms down within a few minutes and is able to tell us what he did and that he is sorry. He doesn't tell me no anymore after being put in timeout for it about 3 or 4 times. He also does not like to share and has a hard time when other kids come over and play with his toys. He will yell at them and sometimes push. This is getting better however because I consistently tell him to come tell me before he gets mad. This is still not perfect though. The only other place besides the doctor that he displays really bad behavior is getting his hair cut. He kicks screams, sometimes to the point of throwing up. I think he is normal for three years old, but his pediatrician has me so worried and upset, I wanted the opinions of other non partial people. Thank you for your time in reading all that I've written.