Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Arlea, May 23, 2011.

  1. Arlea

    Arlea New Member

    Hi, I am new to this, and looking for some support. My son who just turned 6 has recently started to spiral out of control. He has been doing things that are out of character and putting himself in danger. We have a mental health assesment this Friday. The problems started out minor, lying and general misbehaving, which I assumed was very normal for his age however in the last 4 weeks they have escalted to compulsive lying, stealing, and doing things he knows are wrong. A few weeks ago I found him spraying our puppy with a hose till it was crying (very bad crying) which is odd as he is very in love with animals and generally very gentle and loving. In the last few days he has gone to the bathroom while evryone is in bed and eaten medicine, took exacto knives out of our storage room and lighters and played with them in his play room. Many other minor things as well that really concern me. I am having a hard time dealing with this and am sure my frustration is effecting the way I should be dealing with this. I feel like he is always in trouble and I yell to much. I dont want to be this way, any advice would be great. Thanks
  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Well, Arlea -

    You've come to the right place... There's some around here who've not only fought - but won - their share of battles... and the rest of us, well... we're trying to get there too.

    I'm not as familiar with the behaviours you are listing and what they might mean - others will be along, and have some insight I'm sure.

    Meanwhile, it would help all of us if you could create a "signature" with brief info about your situation. It provides a reference point when we're giving advice... The directions are under "resources", I think (I had to find it a couple months back...!)

    While you're looking under "resources", check out the thread on the "Parent Report". Its a great idea - wish we'd known about it 10 years ago. There's also a list of recommended books...

    Hang in there... glad to hear you have an appointment coming with the specialist - at least its a start!
  3. Malika

    Malika Well-Known Member

    What is your family background? Has there been any instability or trauma in your son's life?
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to our corner of the world. I think it's great you are having a mental health assessment done! I can understand you having a hard time dealing with this especially since it is so recent. Don't be so hard on yourself about the yelling; it's not something you want to get into the habit of doing but sometimes we do. One book that might help you is The Explosive Childby Ross Greene.

    I'm wondering too, like Malika, if your son has suffered some type of a trauma lately (especially since his behavior has started so recently).

    You have truly found a soft place to land and you will find much support here. Hugs.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Yes, the sudden change in his behavior has me thinking something specific has happened to him as well. I am sorry, I know that is an added worry.

    Lock up everything dangerous in your house. Knives, medicines, etc. Keep it all under lock and key.
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi there :)
    Has he always been difficult and suddenly just got worse? Any changes in the family situation? School? Any psychiatric problems on the family tree? How was his early development.

    Have you taken him to see a psychiatrist...or anyone?

  7. Arlea

    Arlea New Member

    Okay ladies, thanks for the replies.

    Here is the scoop, My Son was born with Gastroschisis (intenstines on the outside of his body) He was hospitalized for 28 days and had surgery the day he was born. He was also born 5 weeks premature. Over his first year of life, he was hospitalized at least twice a month for every respiratory issues you could imagine, at three he was diagnosed with Asthma, and at five he seemed to out grow it. He was assesed at 3 and was found to have a 2 month learning curve. He has always been a little wild, but it was never anything to abnormal. I went back to work a few weeks ago which is the only trama I can think of. I have worked int eh past few years but I did run a daycare and brought him to work with me. Currently i work 20 hours a week and mostly while he is in school. So it makes me think that is not the trigger.
    My family generally has good mental health except for my sister who has had a ton of mental health issues. Including depression and borderline personality disorder. She however is a compulsive liar so I have never been sure what she has actually been diagnosed with and she has not been in contact with us for years after loosing her children.
    I personally have only ever suffered from baby blues which cleared up fine when my hormones settled. My husband seems fine other than not knowing at all how to handle this situation.
    I also have a 17 month old daughter. He is very sweet with her but he seems to go both ways again some days they get along great and some days he wants her to leave him alone. I feel like they have a pretty normal sibiling relationship.
    Hope that gives some insight as for the resources button, I can't seem to find it anywhere to add a signature. I am just learning how to navigate the site!
  8. Arlea

    Arlea New Member

    Also just wanted to note that some bullying has started up at school, I have a meeting on friday after school to discuss this with his teacher and the principal.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi Arlea, welcome

    go to the top of the page here and click on "My settings" and "Profile" and follow the directions. In one of them, the prompts will be on the left hand side. You can preview your input and changes to see what it looks like. It took me a few tries!

    Your son sounds like a handful. I am glad you are having him evaluated. I am guessing that one of the dxes will be impulsivity or ADD. Like so many kids, he just does things with-o thinking. "I think, therefore I do." Know what I mean??

    You'll probably end up taking him to a talk therapist once a wk or so ... for a long time. He will need to express his curiosity, anger and frustration in acceptable ways.

    Since there is some mental illness in your family, it is possible that there could be a genetic component. (by the way, one of the highlights of borderline personality is risk taking, fwiw. Don't know if your sister has done anything off the wall except for lying.)

    In regard to lying, sometimes our kids do it because they can't think through the consequences and whether the rewards outweigh the risks. They just blurt out the most convenient thing that comes into their heads. They don't want to be punished, so they work around it. Or at least, think they do. So hard as it is, I would cut back on the yelling, and when your son tells the truth, no matter how hard it is, at least once or twice a wk, say, "All right. I am upset with-you but will not punish you this time because you told the truth."
    (It nearly killed me the first time I had to do that but it really works!)

    When he gets into stuff in the middle of the night, is he in sort of a manic phase, where he doesn't sleep much? Is it hard to get him up in the a.m.?
  10. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Is he bonded appropriately with you? Hugs, kisses, sits on lap?

    Just curious since he was in the hospital so much at the beginning of his life.
  11. Arlea

    Arlea New Member

    I bonded great with him. Tons of hugs and kisses, he is my everything. Lately however I feel it slipping.
    My sister has done absolutly insane things that have shocked me, a lot more than lying to put it lightly.
    I have started a thing where I try to praise him every hour for something he has done that is good. Its very hard but I try. My daughter and him share a room and I had to move her into my room last night because I am uncomfortable with her being in there with him.
    I think he most likely had adhd as he is very implusive he is also extremly busy. hyperactivity has always been a problem, but I could handle that one alone!
    Thanks fro all your posts, its very nice to know there is somone out there to talk to about this.