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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 628207" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Forget about Dad for now. I assume you have primary custody (or hope you do). I agree with you that he feels safe with you so he acts out and is probably afraid of Dad, especially if Dad believes in corporal punishment, humiliation or overly harsh punishments. Is there a stepmother living with him? Is she ok, if so?</p><p></p><p>What kind of professional diagnosed your son? Why does he feel he has insecure attachment? What are his behaviors? Does he lack empathy? Is he mean to animals (if so, it's time to rehome the dog!!). Does he like or play with fire? Does he pee or poop in inappropriate places? Deliberately hurt people or break things? Lie even when it makes no sense to lie? Steal? Did he have chaotic early years. Was he exposed to dangerous people in maybe his dad's house? Now a hard question...did you drink while pregnant? Have you sought out attachment counseling? It is way different than any other type, but you need to be sure his problems are with attachment. It's pretty easy to spot attachment disordered kids.</p><p></p><p>1/They do not have autistic spectrum disorder</p><p></p><p>2/They had very crazy early lives</p><p></p><p>3/They are extremely angry and also do not trust anyone but themselves thus they care little about others and display extremely out-of-the-norm behavior. Hurting animals (why is dog scared of him?), smearing poop on walls, playing with knives, cutting up toys, backtalking, cussing, hitting you, trying to hurt classmates, being sexual at a young age...all of these things and more are part of attachment problems. NO EMPATHY is the biggest clue. Not just acting like they have no empathy, like some autistic kids do, as THEy can not express it, but actually not having any...thus maybe finding it amusing to squeeze a hamster to death.</p><p></p><p>There is a spectrum for attachment disorders...mild to severe. And only recently do SOME professionals even know much about attachment disorder and how to spot it and treat it. It is more likely to end up being called Conduct Disorder.</p><p></p><p>I hope you feel safe enough to share more and hope we can help. I lived with a severely Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child so I saw the worst of it. I also did a lot of research into attachment because of that child. I'm no professional, but I probably know more about it than most laypeople.</p><p></p><p>It's nice to "meet" you. Don't let Dad try to hang this on you. If he starts up on you, it is ok for you to say, "This conversation is over" and to leave. If he is not trying to help the situation and is abusing you verbally, there is no reason on earth for you to listen to anything he has to say. If he becomes cooperative and non-blaming and actually wants to help your son, well, that's different. Until then I think I'd be saying "This conversation is over" and leaving or hanging up a lot. Nobody has the right to verbally about you...not Mom, not Sis, not Neighbor, not Kissing Cousin and definitely not clueless ex. Be strong and refuse to listen to any abuse. Learn this earlier than I did!!!! </p><p></p><p>So sorry for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 628207, member: 1550"] Forget about Dad for now. I assume you have primary custody (or hope you do). I agree with you that he feels safe with you so he acts out and is probably afraid of Dad, especially if Dad believes in corporal punishment, humiliation or overly harsh punishments. Is there a stepmother living with him? Is she ok, if so? What kind of professional diagnosed your son? Why does he feel he has insecure attachment? What are his behaviors? Does he lack empathy? Is he mean to animals (if so, it's time to rehome the dog!!). Does he like or play with fire? Does he pee or poop in inappropriate places? Deliberately hurt people or break things? Lie even when it makes no sense to lie? Steal? Did he have chaotic early years. Was he exposed to dangerous people in maybe his dad's house? Now a hard question...did you drink while pregnant? Have you sought out attachment counseling? It is way different than any other type, but you need to be sure his problems are with attachment. It's pretty easy to spot attachment disordered kids. 1/They do not have autistic spectrum disorder 2/They had very crazy early lives 3/They are extremely angry and also do not trust anyone but themselves thus they care little about others and display extremely out-of-the-norm behavior. Hurting animals (why is dog scared of him?), smearing poop on walls, playing with knives, cutting up toys, backtalking, cussing, hitting you, trying to hurt classmates, being sexual at a young age...all of these things and more are part of attachment problems. NO EMPATHY is the biggest clue. Not just acting like they have no empathy, like some autistic kids do, as THEy can not express it, but actually not having any...thus maybe finding it amusing to squeeze a hamster to death. There is a spectrum for attachment disorders...mild to severe. And only recently do SOME professionals even know much about attachment disorder and how to spot it and treat it. It is more likely to end up being called Conduct Disorder. I hope you feel safe enough to share more and hope we can help. I lived with a severely Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) child so I saw the worst of it. I also did a lot of research into attachment because of that child. I'm no professional, but I probably know more about it than most laypeople. It's nice to "meet" you. Don't let Dad try to hang this on you. If he starts up on you, it is ok for you to say, "This conversation is over" and to leave. If he is not trying to help the situation and is abusing you verbally, there is no reason on earth for you to listen to anything he has to say. If he becomes cooperative and non-blaming and actually wants to help your son, well, that's different. Until then I think I'd be saying "This conversation is over" and leaving or hanging up a lot. Nobody has the right to verbally about you...not Mom, not Sis, not Neighbor, not Kissing Cousin and definitely not clueless ex. Be strong and refuse to listen to any abuse. Learn this earlier than I did!!!! So sorry for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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