continued problems at school 6-year old

[brandyf]

hello:

i posted here a few weeks ago and got some wonderful advise. I need more!!!!

difficult child has had 2 visits now with our new psychologist and so far she seems to think the school is not doing their part. DUH!!!

His teacher is a mess. she just keeps bullying him...with her "its my way or the highway" attitude and she is getting no where with him. he had a wonderful kindergarten year with rare problems...then this year he is going in reverse.

the teacher has given him no positive reinforcement. he doesn't even want to go to school now.

yesterday she sent a behavior slip home (which she told me she was going to start doing to keep me better informed, it was the 2nd one in 2 weeks that she has given me...), she filled in every bad thing that he had done that day. she skipped the whole section on "you child was doing _______really well today". that just makes me think she is just out for the negative and not the positive. later on difficult child told me that he had been chosen to read a book to the principal. (in our school that is rewarding)....so, i am like..why couldn't she have wrote that on the sheet as well???

the psychiatric wants difficult child to tell me at least one thing positive that happened everyday before he can tell me about the bad. he is very stuck on the bad...the minute he gets in the car after school he tells me "i got on red today, i am probably grounded right???" poor little guy. he is showing major depressive symptoms and i just feel like the teacher is out to get him.

this morning already she had him call me from school to tell me that he had broke 12 of the classes pencils. she asked me to bring a new pack to the school to compensate.... he has already done this 2 weeks ago, and still he is doing the same things.

does she not understand that this is not working, whatever she is doing. its just not working for him.

i had her fill out this long form for the psychiatric to get her take on things...she mentioned things in that form that she hadn't ever told to me or my husband about difficult child. big things like...using the "F" word frequently, (which is not like him, he must be picking it up from school), being overly interested in girls, showing bullying characteristics... Those are things she should be calling me for, and informing me of. those are huge things that are not acceptable.

she has pushed his desk to the back of the class, instead of to the front by her so she can watch him. i think she is bullying him.

he has already been suspended for 1 day, earlier this year. ( i have other posts on this website about that), for throwing a pencil back at a kid and got him close to the eye.


what the heck? what do you guys think i should be doing here?

thanks for listening too...(yes i am ranting).

 

[JJJ]

She sounds like she is trying to force him out of her class. Regarding the pencils, how did he get access to 12 of them? Sounds like her supervision is lax. I wouldn't replace the pencils.

Is it possible to get him moved to another 1st grade room? Some teachers just aren't worth the aggravation.

 

[Sheila]

Even though you are working with-a private professional, if you haven't sent a letter via certified mail to the school district requesting an evaluation via IDEA regs, I recommend that you do so immediately. http://www.conductdisorders.com/com...a-formal-request-for-iep-re-evaluation.22433/ is a sample letter if you need one and there are others in the Special Education Archives forum.

Unless you have a Parent Report already prepared and ready to go, edit out that paragraph and submit it to the sd in a week or two if you wish. Retitle it "Parent Input."

School districts are only required to evaluate in "suspected" areas of disability. Parent input can help a school district "suspect." Also, IDEA requires that school districts consider parent input in the evaluation process.

If you are unfamiliar with IDEA/IEP/Special Education process, rules, regs, parental and student rights, etc., there's a "getting started" thread in the Sp Ed Archives that will give you an overview.

Upon receipt of your letter, Protections for Children Not Yet Eligible for Special Education kicks in for your son. There's a thread in the archives on this topic also.

Keep all the written information you are getting from the teacher regarding difficult child's behavior. It's documentation that you may need in the future.

Documentation is very important, period.

If you've already discussed behavior issues with the teacher and she has been unresponsive, you may want to consider meeting with the principal, explain that the teacher's behavior management style is contrary to recommendations from difficult child's psychiatric (in non-judgmental way); explain that you are concerned because difficult child is beginning to dislike school, his depression is deepening, behavior is deteriorating; and ask what can be done to get some "positive behavior intervention and supports" implemented.

 

[Sharon1974]

We dealt with very simmilar problems in first grade. My take is that the teacher just didn't like my son. She always made very general statement such as - he wasn't listening today, he was acting up, etc. When I pressed her for specifics she would become flustered. When talking to her on the phone I would ask things like "How was he when he first walked into the room this morning, what was he doing then" It was amazing how many positive things should could say when practially coached my me but she was always sure to overshadow any good doing on his part with negatives. She actually dragged him to the front of the room one day and forced his spring jacket off of him because he didn't want to take it off! I finally had enough and called a child study team meeting. The school's psychologist and social worker were both horrified that the teacher did not inform them of her problems and that she was treating my son in this manner. If I could go back - I would have demanded they switch him to a different classroom!!! Take note that his second grade teacher did not report any serious problems with him and so far things are going well in third grade too.

 

[Martie]

Please do as Sheila suggested IMMEDIATELY.

A first grader should not resist going to school for the reasons that older kids do. Therefore, I think you are correct that the teacher's attitude toward your child is the source of his anxiety.

School refusal is very tough to deal with on top of everything else (been there done that twice for ex-difficult child: in 2nd and 6th grades) GENERALLY schools see that if a young child is refusing, there is a problem. Use this to help your child get what he needs.

Keep us informed as you work through the steps you need to take and we will try to help you.

Martie

 

[brandyf]

thank god for you guys. this has been very hard, his whole life really...gets better, then worse, then better...and so on. i know you guys know what i am talking about. seems like your the only ones sometimes. i have lost lifelong friends, family members...neighbors over difficult child. its been a struggle.

well, the same day that she called me about breaking this pencils. once he gotten home from school, he said i got on red today..bla bla...same ole' ole', so i tried to ignore it adn talk about teh good. well, at the same time my daughter (9yearold), mentioned that morning they had an assembly at 9am for teh first graders to have their performance one last time for the kids and parents who werent able to come to the evening performance the night before. we were all there the night before to see the show and difficult child stood their like a little soldier and sung his heart out. we were so proud and made sure he knew it. the principal was there as well and mentioned how well he had done. his teacher however, missed the performance.

ok, so then back to what i was saying, i guess the next morning my girl told me that they hadnt even made it thru the first song and she yanked difficult child off the bleachers in front of the entire crowd. i asked my daughter if she knew why, she said she hadnt noticed what difficult child was doing. then difficult child tells me that it was because a little girl he was standing by had dropped her bracelet on the bleacher and he was bending over trying to get it for her.

well, that threw me thru the roof. i called the school (this was about 15 minutes after school had let out that day). i demanded to speak to his teacher. i mentioned the assembly, she immediately tells me that later she realized he was only trying to help a classmate, but she didnt know at the time, she thought he was playing with the other kid's feet or something...so now she "apologizes for that". i said "ms. phillips, that is neither here nor there at this point. what do i have to do to get difficult child removed from your class?". she got defensive said that would be up to the principal but that she thought all classes were totally maxed out. seh wanted me to try and talk to difficult child, my husband over the weekend, have difficult child write about what is bothering him.... call her on monday morning adn we will all just have an "intervention" is what seh called it. difficult child will be at my moms tomorrow morning. i am not putting him thru this because she is going Occupational Therapist (OT) get it.

i have spent the weekend going thru all the papers, writing things down that have happened both good and bad and the dates...put them all in a binder like suggested. i am getting ready to go downstairs to find the ones from preschool adn kindergarten. i should have done this long ago.

i am going Occupational Therapist (OT) mention getting an evaluation to teh school tomorrow in the meeting and see how they respond. i have had many meetings iwth the principal over the years about difficult child behavior, me needing advise and never have they mentioned an evaluation.

i had no idea the process before coming to this board. thank you guys.

our psychiatric mentioned last week, asking if i thought i was ready to start an evaluation process, i told her yes, if one more thing happened at the school i would have no other choice. i need for them to lay off of him before they really corupt him....so, i dont think i am going to have a problem getting one independently.

but still, i need to send the certified letter for protection of my child, but can still go thru with our own intervention, right?

any other advise you all would have for me i truley appreciate adn am in your debt.

thank you.

 

[Mickey2255]

I think my son had the same teacher for 3rd grade last year!! Actually each class in his school has 2-3 teachers and the other teacher was pretty good so we "moved" him to her side of the class and he was able to finish out the year. In hind sight, I should have gotten him out of that classroom in December when he was suspended for 5 days after she dug in her heels refusing to let him sharpen his pencil and even went so far as to pull the plug out in front of him!

Hurry yourself to the principal for a long chat. Make sure his IEP notes that there should be no power struggles with him. Think about a squeeze ball or something to take the place of the pencils. An Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation might be appropriate... if they resist doing the appropriate evaluations then get your own and ask them to pay.

Best of luck to you!
Michelle

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

(((brandy)))

I don't get on this board often, but I saw your story, and I wanted to send you some good juju.

Go, warrior mom!!

 

[Sheila]

I'm so sorry this happened. It's how kids get an aversion to school.

<div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Code:</div><div class="ubbcode-body ubbcode-pre" style="height: 34px;"><pre>but can still go thru with our own intervention, right?</pre></div></div>

I'm not sure what you mean by this?

 

[Martie]

I've lost track of what you are doing....You NEED to send a certified letter to the school requesting a full, legally correct, and complete evaluation of all areas of suspected disability to protect your child.

SD have been known to expel first graders. Make SURE your child isn't one of them for the cost of a CERTIFIED letter.

Martie