Conversation with the counselor went well

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Kathy813, Oct 8, 2011.

  1. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thought I would give y'all an update on my conversation with the counselor.

    I called yesterday afternoon and they put me right through. The counselor seemed a little guarded at first but then warmed up and was very friendly and helpful. First, she said flat out that she had never told difficult child that the best thing for her would be to come home. She said that the usual next step after inpatient treatment was a halfway house.

    I told her that was what husband and I thought difficult child should do. I explained about her past history of stealing, lying, and verbal abuse and how we just didn't want to go back to that. She agreed we shouldn't have to and was very understanding.

    I asked her about the contract and she said that was true. She said since difficult child was so resistant to a halfway house and the counselor didn't know her history here at home, she had discussed a "treatment contract" where the patient signs a contract to continue treatment and follow the house rules with the understanding that if they don't follow through they have to go to a halfway house.

    I explained that wouldn't work since I would find out that she had relapsed after I noticed my checkbook or wallet missing and we just couldn't take that chance. The counselor had no problem with that.

    Then we discussed difficult child's fear of violence at a halfway house and she said that money came into play here. She said that, to be honest, the halfway houses where clients/patients didn't have any money and didn't have to pay were often used for free housing and meals and that the people there weren't necessarily interested in recovery.

    She said that the halfway house that she really liked and had the greatest success rate costs $700 a month. It is about 15 miles from here and close to difficult child's college if she is sincere about going back to school. I told her that we could handle that for a few months and hopefully difficult child could get a job and help pay for the halfway house, too.

    The counselor said difficult child had told her that we weren't coming to the family visitation night on Tuesday. I explained why and she said that was fine. It would give difficult child and her time to work on her issues and come to terms with going to the halfway house after she leaves the treatment center.

    She also told me that we need to come to the point that when difficult child threatens to live in her car, we just say okay. I told her that we did that but that she comes and parks the car in our driveway and won't leave. The last time she did that before she went into the treatment program the police came by (she had called them accusing us of refusing to give her her Adderall - - another long story) and they ended up writing a criminal trespassing order that says if difficult child comes back on our property we can have her arrested. They gave a copy to difficult child and us. I think it shocked difficult child. The counselor said that was great and to enforce it if she comes back uninvited.

    I felt very good after our conversation.

    Thanks for all of your support!

    Last edited: Oct 8, 2011
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    That is awesome. It will definitely show difficult child that she has to EARN your trust back, if that can even happen anymore. It is so nice when "professionals" can see the whole picture and work WITH those that care the most.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    wow, I'm learning so much. You are awesome. Amazing the spin a difficult child can put on things....
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    wow kathy...some caring, compassionate and actual thinking people in the world. Amazing!
  5. elizabrary

    elizabrary Member

    I'm glad the conversation went so well! It confirms that you are doing the right things. I think it helps to have an objective viewpoint because I know sometimes I get so caught up in all the drama I don't know up from down and have no idea if I'm doing the right thing or not. Good for you! I'm sure this has eased your mind!
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Kathy I'm glad it went so well. And now you and staff are on the same page.

    And do take the counselors advice if difficult child should ever pull the parking her car in your drive again.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That sounds great Kathy. It's amazing how our difficult child's can put a different spin on things. The counselor is right about the halfway houses. Some are run very well and have a good success rate. difficult child was in one of those and then got tired of the rules and wanted to relapse, so she is in one now that has low rent and she can come and go as she pleases. Good for her but bad for her sobriety.

    I'm crossing my fingers that your difficult child comes to terms with the halfway house and that you have a chance to enjoy the peace.

  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Having a professional verify that you are thinking straight is so reassuring. Deep down you and husband knew you were right but confirmation eases the burden alot. I'm delighted that the counselor is knowledgeable and supportive. Try to enjoy the peace and quiet. Sincere hugs. DDD
  9. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Kathy - that's great news. You must be so reassured. I know you must have felt that difficult child's counselor was judging you (based on the info difficult child was feeding you) and it's great to know that's not the case. Rest easy this week and enjoy the break from the drama. Sounds like difficult child is in good hands.