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Coping with Gossip in the Family
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 623725" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Yes, I meant sister. Duh!!!! I'm spacy after work!!!</p><p></p><p>At any rate, you can't stop JT from running the mouth, but you can sure put boundaries up so that your extended relatives are not allowed to talk about him or anything he says or puts on FB to you. You can warn them in advance that this is a new boundary you are setting in order to be good to yourself (no other explanation needed) and that, as much as you love them all, if they don't respect that boundary, you will either have to gently hang up the phone or leave the house or room or whatever...just be very firm in how you do this. I had to do this once and it was quite effective once everyone realized I meant it. </p><p></p><p>You can't stop their gossping about your son, but you can certainly stop them from sharing what they say about him with each other to you. It is your right what you are willing to hear and not hear. You are trying to get better and when they talk about JT to you, they are making you worse, not bertter, and they are not in any way helping JT so there is no point in having discussions about your son with them. Sister sounds a bit vicious and very clueless. Your son and her children are apples and oranges. It has nothing to do with her wonderful parenting...lol...it was good luck, if they are law abiding kids, and genetics. And the fact that they were not exposed to drugs and alcohol before they were even born. Taking pot shots at you is abusive and should not be allowed. </p><p></p><p>There is something I learned that not all people know, but it pertains to all.</p><p></p><p>DNA does not mean we have to love the person we are DNA connected to. We don't even have to ever talk to them. We are not obligated to them simply because somebody gave birth to us or came from the same woman's womb. It that was all that love was about, NOBODY would adopt. And kids would not love thier stepparents. In fact, nobody would love anyone if they didn't have that DNA connection. And we'd all love our DNA relatives, even if they tried to kill us. She is your sister. If she is nice to you, allow her into your life in a big way. If she is not, be cautious. Step carefully. Decide how she can and can not treat her and set boundaries. That goes for anyone in your life. Do not allow anybody to abuse you. You are a good person who does her best and you do not deserve to be mistreated. Don't let anyone do it. Nobody. Not your sister. Not your mother. Not your kid. Nobody.</p><p></p><p>Treat yourself good tonight. Do something you love to do, even if it's going out with you SO and sneaking a luscious deliscious calorie filled ice cream sundae with whip cream and nuts and cherries on top. Never let others control your emotions. It's hard to do this, but the more we practice, honestly, the easily it gets.</p><p></p><p>My thoughts are with you. I feel for your hurting mommy heart and have been there plenty!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 623725, member: 1550"] Yes, I meant sister. Duh!!!! I'm spacy after work!!! At any rate, you can't stop JT from running the mouth, but you can sure put boundaries up so that your extended relatives are not allowed to talk about him or anything he says or puts on FB to you. You can warn them in advance that this is a new boundary you are setting in order to be good to yourself (no other explanation needed) and that, as much as you love them all, if they don't respect that boundary, you will either have to gently hang up the phone or leave the house or room or whatever...just be very firm in how you do this. I had to do this once and it was quite effective once everyone realized I meant it. You can't stop their gossping about your son, but you can certainly stop them from sharing what they say about him with each other to you. It is your right what you are willing to hear and not hear. You are trying to get better and when they talk about JT to you, they are making you worse, not bertter, and they are not in any way helping JT so there is no point in having discussions about your son with them. Sister sounds a bit vicious and very clueless. Your son and her children are apples and oranges. It has nothing to do with her wonderful parenting...lol...it was good luck, if they are law abiding kids, and genetics. And the fact that they were not exposed to drugs and alcohol before they were even born. Taking pot shots at you is abusive and should not be allowed. There is something I learned that not all people know, but it pertains to all. DNA does not mean we have to love the person we are DNA connected to. We don't even have to ever talk to them. We are not obligated to them simply because somebody gave birth to us or came from the same woman's womb. It that was all that love was about, NOBODY would adopt. And kids would not love thier stepparents. In fact, nobody would love anyone if they didn't have that DNA connection. And we'd all love our DNA relatives, even if they tried to kill us. She is your sister. If she is nice to you, allow her into your life in a big way. If she is not, be cautious. Step carefully. Decide how she can and can not treat her and set boundaries. That goes for anyone in your life. Do not allow anybody to abuse you. You are a good person who does her best and you do not deserve to be mistreated. Don't let anyone do it. Nobody. Not your sister. Not your mother. Not your kid. Nobody. Treat yourself good tonight. Do something you love to do, even if it's going out with you SO and sneaking a luscious deliscious calorie filled ice cream sundae with whip cream and nuts and cherries on top. Never let others control your emotions. It's hard to do this, but the more we practice, honestly, the easily it gets. My thoughts are with you. I feel for your hurting mommy heart and have been there plenty! [/QUOTE]
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