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Coping with Gossip in the Family
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 623748" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Stress, I am sorry that you are having the pain of gossip and lack of support added onto the pile of pain already there. Sometimes it feels like too much pain to bear.</p><p></p><p>My immediate family has been very supportive of my journey with difficult child. If they are talking about him and me and the things we do and don't do, I don't know it.</p><p></p><p>But I have friends in this mid-size town that have done some talking, and it is so painful.</p><p></p><p>Stress, we can't control what other people talk about. </p><p></p><p>What we can do is manage ourselves. I have one longtime dear friend and neighbor who was getting info about my son from her two sons that used to be my son's friends. When I would pour out my heart to her, she would inadvertently mention other things and then I felt she was telling her sons things about my difficult child. </p><p></p><p>That devastated me. I had to create a lot of distance between us and our friendship will never be the same. She used to call me her sister. </p><p></p><p>The distance I created hurt her deeply, and I didn't want to do that, but I was in mortal pain already and I honestly could not take the additional things that seemed to be happening with her. </p><p></p><p>I was like a wounded animal and I did a lot of isolating for a long time. I still do it sometimes now, when things get really bad, but not as much as I used to.</p><p></p><p>Isolation is a part of our journey and it is a protective tool for us to use when the pain gets too great. </p><p></p><p>It seems almost inhuman and completely unbearable that someone, anyone, would talk loosely about our situation and our difficult child. I hope I have learned from being on the other side of that kind of behavior, and I hope I never contribute to that kind of pain to anyone else. </p><p></p><p>It is careless and it is reckless and it is arrogant and divisive. I believe some people do it because by separating ourselves from them, they are somehow protecting themselves from this type of thing never happening to them. They are saying "Wow, look at this! It is so awful. My ______ would never do anything like that....blah blah blah." It makes them feel better about their own lives. And I don't even know if they realize it. </p><p></p><p>Stress, gravitate to those you trust and those who understand this disease and all that comes with it. That is where you will find love and support and acceptance. Al-Anon is a great place to find that---go and go and go and go. Find some new relationships there---they get it. </p><p></p><p>And keep coming back here. I am so sorry for your sister's lack of empathy and support. She obviously has her own issues and her own work to do. </p><p></p><p>Blessings and peace and prayers from me to you today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 623748, member: 17542"] Stress, I am sorry that you are having the pain of gossip and lack of support added onto the pile of pain already there. Sometimes it feels like too much pain to bear. My immediate family has been very supportive of my journey with difficult child. If they are talking about him and me and the things we do and don't do, I don't know it. But I have friends in this mid-size town that have done some talking, and it is so painful. Stress, we can't control what other people talk about. What we can do is manage ourselves. I have one longtime dear friend and neighbor who was getting info about my son from her two sons that used to be my son's friends. When I would pour out my heart to her, she would inadvertently mention other things and then I felt she was telling her sons things about my difficult child. That devastated me. I had to create a lot of distance between us and our friendship will never be the same. She used to call me her sister. The distance I created hurt her deeply, and I didn't want to do that, but I was in mortal pain already and I honestly could not take the additional things that seemed to be happening with her. I was like a wounded animal and I did a lot of isolating for a long time. I still do it sometimes now, when things get really bad, but not as much as I used to. Isolation is a part of our journey and it is a protective tool for us to use when the pain gets too great. It seems almost inhuman and completely unbearable that someone, anyone, would talk loosely about our situation and our difficult child. I hope I have learned from being on the other side of that kind of behavior, and I hope I never contribute to that kind of pain to anyone else. It is careless and it is reckless and it is arrogant and divisive. I believe some people do it because by separating ourselves from them, they are somehow protecting themselves from this type of thing never happening to them. They are saying "Wow, look at this! It is so awful. My ______ would never do anything like that....blah blah blah." It makes them feel better about their own lives. And I don't even know if they realize it. Stress, gravitate to those you trust and those who understand this disease and all that comes with it. That is where you will find love and support and acceptance. Al-Anon is a great place to find that---go and go and go and go. Find some new relationships there---they get it. And keep coming back here. I am so sorry for your sister's lack of empathy and support. She obviously has her own issues and her own work to do. Blessings and peace and prayers from me to you today. [/QUOTE]
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