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Parent Emeritus
Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 628283" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>there is no way for us to predict any one adult child, however I can tell you now, he will get into trouble IN your house as well as OUT of it, and if he's in your house YOU may be part of the trouble, such as stealing or having illegal drugs stashed in your house or his "friends" coming in while you aren't home to help themselves to your belongings.</p><p></p><p>What kind of conversations have you been having with your son lately? Has it been about what his plans are, how YOU are doing, normal stuff? Or has it been about how much money you can give him, how he is going to live his life outside the societal norms and how he will not listen to you because it's your fault for (fillin the blanks). If the latter is true, you don't have a relationship anyway. He is verbally abusing you and only talking to you nicely when he wants something. This is common.Often the only time we hear from them is to whine or to ask for money, which they usually use for drugs and not for what they say it is for. It is not the act of making him leave that will anger him in the long run. It is his drug use. If he is moved to quit, I am guessing that is when your relationship will improve.</p><p></p><p>Although your frontal lobe may not mature until you are twenty-five, many great young people of eighteen go to college, make good decisions, serve our country, etc. And some difficult children, like mine, are immature way beyond age 25. It is my son's nature to not want to grow up. Heck, I have an eighteen year old that just graduated last Sunday and turned eighteen yesterday and she never breaks the law or parties and is very focused on her future. And I have a twenty-one autistic son who is ready to move out on his own, is doing great, never breaks the law or uses his disability to whine, and both are way, way more mature than my 36 year old child whose limbic brain area has been fully functional for years.</p><p></p><p>I am sooooooooooo sorry for your hurting mommy heart. The grieving we feel is like a death, in my opinion. I read grieving books to help me. I also went to twelve step meetings so I could discuss my terrible feelings and my guilt and I had a therapist as well. Use as many resources to take care of yourself as you can and stay away from the toxic people in your life. I am concerned that your ex boyfriend psycho will hurt you. Maybe you should take precautions such as changing locks, getting an alarm system and locking up your money and cards info in a fire box. I don't trust his motives</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 628283, member: 1550"] there is no way for us to predict any one adult child, however I can tell you now, he will get into trouble IN your house as well as OUT of it, and if he's in your house YOU may be part of the trouble, such as stealing or having illegal drugs stashed in your house or his "friends" coming in while you aren't home to help themselves to your belongings. What kind of conversations have you been having with your son lately? Has it been about what his plans are, how YOU are doing, normal stuff? Or has it been about how much money you can give him, how he is going to live his life outside the societal norms and how he will not listen to you because it's your fault for (fillin the blanks). If the latter is true, you don't have a relationship anyway. He is verbally abusing you and only talking to you nicely when he wants something. This is common.Often the only time we hear from them is to whine or to ask for money, which they usually use for drugs and not for what they say it is for. It is not the act of making him leave that will anger him in the long run. It is his drug use. If he is moved to quit, I am guessing that is when your relationship will improve. Although your frontal lobe may not mature until you are twenty-five, many great young people of eighteen go to college, make good decisions, serve our country, etc. And some difficult children, like mine, are immature way beyond age 25. It is my son's nature to not want to grow up. Heck, I have an eighteen year old that just graduated last Sunday and turned eighteen yesterday and she never breaks the law or parties and is very focused on her future. And I have a twenty-one autistic son who is ready to move out on his own, is doing great, never breaks the law or uses his disability to whine, and both are way, way more mature than my 36 year old child whose limbic brain area has been fully functional for years. I am sooooooooooo sorry for your hurting mommy heart. The grieving we feel is like a death, in my opinion. I read grieving books to help me. I also went to twelve step meetings so I could discuss my terrible feelings and my guilt and I had a therapist as well. Use as many resources to take care of yourself as you can and stay away from the toxic people in your life. I am concerned that your ex boyfriend psycho will hurt you. Maybe you should take precautions such as changing locks, getting an alarm system and locking up your money and cards info in a fire box. I don't trust his motives [/QUOTE]
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