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Parent Emeritus
Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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<blockquote data-quote="sadandlost" data-source="post: 628339" data-attributes="member: 18078"><p>Thank you to everyone who contributed their thoughts. I think the hardest thing is not to equate my son's bad decisions with my ability as a mom. </p><p></p><p>I was dealt a very tough hand. I played it the best I could. I don't know what I could've done differently. Parenthood seems to be a a series of decisions where you have to balance your needs against the needs of your child, and the two may be diametrically opposed. Sometimes I put my well being above my son's so that I could survive, under very difficult circumstances. My survival and thriving would mean my son would have a better chance at thriving, or so I thought. Was I a terrible mother for that? </p><p></p><p>Is what we do as parents ever good enough for our kids?</p><p></p><p>And what role does validating a kid's pain play? At what point do we expect a kid to take responsibility for the way their life is turning out, versus validating their "reality", even if based on memories or perceptions that aren't true, or weren't reality?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="sadandlost, post: 628339, member: 18078"] Thank you to everyone who contributed their thoughts. I think the hardest thing is not to equate my son's bad decisions with my ability as a mom. I was dealt a very tough hand. I played it the best I could. I don't know what I could've done differently. Parenthood seems to be a a series of decisions where you have to balance your needs against the needs of your child, and the two may be diametrically opposed. Sometimes I put my well being above my son's so that I could survive, under very difficult circumstances. My survival and thriving would mean my son would have a better chance at thriving, or so I thought. Was I a terrible mother for that? Is what we do as parents ever good enough for our kids? And what role does validating a kid's pain play? At what point do we expect a kid to take responsibility for the way their life is turning out, versus validating their "reality", even if based on memories or perceptions that aren't true, or weren't reality? [/QUOTE]
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Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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