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Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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<blockquote data-quote="1905" data-source="post: 643225" data-attributes="member: 2668"><p>I just want to add my experience with kicking out my son. There wasn't a form I had to fill out, I went to the police and filed a restraining order. They granted it right away while I was there. He was 18, he didn't want to do anything resembling work and he stole from us...anything he could, he didn't even deny it when confronted, it was funny to him. It was our fault for leaving things around...like all the things in the house!</p><p></p><p>Without writing a whole book here, we didn't talk to him, he tried.... because he thought it was just a little "time out" and he could go back to being his same old difficult child self. Once he realized he was totally on his own he stepped it up, got a job and lived in a bed-bug infested rooming house near the job. He saved him money and got a car, and an apartment and he slowly kept bettering himself. This couldn't have happened when he was in our house, we were more than enabling him, we were DISABLING him.</p><p></p><p>He is very different than my other children, who appreciate all we do and always try to better themselves anyway. Slowly as he improved his life, he came back into the fold of the family. This only took about 2 years. My husband got him a position in his union after seeing difficult child become responsible. husband couldn't do that for him until difficult child actually was responsible. He's now 27, married to a wonderful woman, has 2 kids and thanks me for the tough love wake-up call. difficult child and husband are working together right this moment.</p><p></p><p>Most relatives thought, and still think, we were the most awful, horrible parents on earth! (My sister in law's brother is 50 and still lives at home with his mommy by the way) They just didn't know the horror that had become so normal. There would be no end to it. I stand by doing that, it's a foul situation all the way around, it's not easy. You have to do what you can live with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="1905, post: 643225, member: 2668"] I just want to add my experience with kicking out my son. There wasn't a form I had to fill out, I went to the police and filed a restraining order. They granted it right away while I was there. He was 18, he didn't want to do anything resembling work and he stole from us...anything he could, he didn't even deny it when confronted, it was funny to him. It was our fault for leaving things around...like all the things in the house! Without writing a whole book here, we didn't talk to him, he tried.... because he thought it was just a little "time out" and he could go back to being his same old difficult child self. Once he realized he was totally on his own he stepped it up, got a job and lived in a bed-bug infested rooming house near the job. He saved him money and got a car, and an apartment and he slowly kept bettering himself. This couldn't have happened when he was in our house, we were more than enabling him, we were DISABLING him. He is very different than my other children, who appreciate all we do and always try to better themselves anyway. Slowly as he improved his life, he came back into the fold of the family. This only took about 2 years. My husband got him a position in his union after seeing difficult child become responsible. husband couldn't do that for him until difficult child actually was responsible. He's now 27, married to a wonderful woman, has 2 kids and thanks me for the tough love wake-up call. difficult child and husband are working together right this moment. Most relatives thought, and still think, we were the most awful, horrible parents on earth! (My sister in law's brother is 50 and still lives at home with his mommy by the way) They just didn't know the horror that had become so normal. There would be no end to it. I stand by doing that, it's a foul situation all the way around, it's not easy. You have to do what you can live with. [/QUOTE]
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Coping with grief after kicking difficult child out
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